My Mom (87) flipped out going from nursing home to assisted living and was thrown out.

I meant "thrown out" ...she has been bi polar all her life and has been good on meds the past year she had colorectal cancer and had two surgeries she has been through Alot. Problem is that she has been in a nursing home in Brooklyn and commuting there from long island each day was hard. I'm her only child and she depends on me. An assisted living opened near me that accepts medicaid so I jumped on it for her. As she used to love being with people I thought her quality of life would be better. Well, the minute we went I.into the car leaving Brooklyn she threw up and was acting weird. Than when she arrived at the assisted living she lay on the bed demanding to be taken to a hospital. I told her to get it together and she was freaking me out in her behavior. Next d a y she said she couldn't breathe and was taken to the hospital and sent home the same day. The day after she could not get out of bed complaining of pain which was psychological and wanted a hospital so she was sent out again and this time they said she could not come back to the ALF. They probably thought she was crazy! So now she is in a nursing home that I play music in and she is still acting very bizarre. I don't know what happened and what caused this weird behavior and I'm so upset. Today in the nursing home she was even opening her blouse in her room and her breast was exposed and she was complaining they don't undress her fast enough. I could cry I am so frustrated. Is this all because I moved her closer to me and wanted her to have a better quality of life? What happened to my mom???????

A couple of ideas for you. Is it possible that her medication routine has been changed with this move? What she takes or when she takes it and does she have the same supervision in the ALF to make sure she takes her medications? The other thought is that I've read over and over on this site that moving is hard on dementia patients - so it could be the transition itself also. Good luck I hope things work out for both of you soon.

JL, before the move did the social worker at either facility talk with you about how hard moves are on those with dementia? She may be thinking she was in a hospital before the move thus wanting to go to the hospital. Where on Long Island are you? Would the nursing home be able to take her back? How often were you seeing her? At least you have the Long Island Expressway that makes visiting in that area easier. And going at non-peak times would alleviate the stress for you as well.

And one additional thought. Could it be that she is more "herself" than you realize? It may seem worse because you are seeing her more frequently and for longer periods of time, different times of day. What routines have you changed that may be contributing to your perception of changes in your mom?

And has she been tested for a uti?

You also have commuter trains. Do they go out as far on the island as you live?
It is also very nice of you to play music at the nursing home. I know it brings out the best in many of them.
Curious, what do you play? Do you have any recordings of you playing that staff could play for Mom to possibly calm her?

I appreciate all your input. She had very slight dementia and birthday polar disorder but even at the Brooklyn facility she is called alert and oriented times three and in the other facility they said she didn't even need to be on the dementia floor ! She knew and still knows what's going on but she is reminding me now of when I was a little girl and her bipolar disorder made her out of control. It's like I don't know what is going on now and I'm so sorry! :-( I live 9 minutes away from there. The belt parkwAy to Brooklyn was too much. I play music in many nursing homes and senior centers. Keyboard piano and sing do Alot of the golden oldies that they love and mom didn't even come down to hear me yesterday. She is so not herself. I wish I knew this might happen she really seemed okay. I feel so guilty and sad for her. I only wanted to do good for her. I'm so mad at myself.

Sorry I meant bipolar polar disorder. My kindle fire has strange words sometimes

Gut instincts still telling me something is really wrong with her meds. Can you verify with the staff that she absolutely is receiving and swallowing the correct doses of her medicines at the right times? Medical mistakes like this do happen all the time especially when information has to be transferred from one care environment to another.

Oh always. The first thing I think about is her meds always checking on that. She is getting what she normally had. That's why it's so scary.

Your Mom has been bi-polar most of her life. That apparently has been managed OK. It is entirely possible that she now has more advanced dementia. That is what dementia does, you know, it advances. Surgery seems to trigger a fast decline in some people with early dementia. That doesn't mean surgery should never be performed on the elderly. And a change in environments can be difficult for people with dementia. Again, that doesn't mean they should never change. In this case you had every reason to think the change could be an improvement.

Be mad. Be mad that this dear woman has suffered so long with bi polar disorder. Be mad that she now has to deal with dementia on top of that. Be mad that medical science still knows so little about treating illness of the brain. But please, please, do not be mad at yourself. This is all dreadful but all of it is Not Your Fault. Continue to be there for your mom. Do your best. That is all any of us can do.