Mom finally asked me where daddy was...

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I wondered if it would come; and it did.
She asked me where daddy was.
He died in 2006.
She certainly was mentally present when that dreaded day occurred; he had congestive heart failure and died with a 110% lucid mind (he never did have dementia, thank God; for he was a brilliant and highly intelligent and loving man.)
But she ASKED ME.
And I told her.
I said, "you don't remember? Dad died in 2009."
She looked puzzled, hesitated, and said, "...Did he...die in a... car accident?"
No.
He died when his organs shut down of congestive heart failure, ma. He died 6 years ago.
Her response?
"Huh!"
And then onto other things.
Very, very weird, especially coming from the wife of almost 68 years who threw a complete meltdown fit the evening he died.
Very weird indeed.
Just sharing.
I thought of telling her he was away, but then I said to myself, nope, just say it and see.
She didn't grieve or cry. She took it as fact and her mind went to something else.
So odd considering he was biggest part of her life next to me...(only child).
I guess it's true; every case really is unique.

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And yours is not especially unique. One of the very few "benefits" of dementia is that we forget some of the most painful events of our lives....at a time when we lack the emotional tools to process the memories in our present good interests.

Sort of like dementia is the door closing and forgetfulness is the window sliding open.

Stay strong, me friend. Mom needs you.
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Thanks for sharing this story. Many of us will be facing this situation in coming years.
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Oh Nikki, this must have been hard for you. I hope it doesn't come up again, but it sounds like you handled it really well.

It's true, each day brings new surprises in this caretaking journey!
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