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Mom..who lives me while waiting on her senior apartment to become available...expects me to do her paperwork 24//7. Shes mad because I said Not today...it's my day off....yet she kept chasing me with it..her check account doesn't match...I suggested its one check that didn't get deducted...we will look at Monday...she stomped off pouting...I need to set limits..this trying to make me feel guilty is getting tiresome....hubby and I took off today by ourselves....I know she's not happy...I refuse to carry this burden of guilt she tries to place on me....and yet it feels mean...and she pouts when I say no....help



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And army retired ...I love the vacation idea..a big bunch!
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Noooooo golf lady! I pray you don't have to wait much longer!! I found out. Moms moving into number 2 spot very soon...and several of the residents are in their 90s...so...I'm hopeful....and for right now..her mania is upbeat...enjoying the break..she's actually learning what's expected of her here...like no drama...no hating on others she thinks aren't up to her standards...no gossip..stop the judgement...etc...tough love in other words. I do think a geriatric psychologist is a great idea.....and also I have estate matters almost wrapped up...so she can now go spend 2-3 weeks with my brother! Gotta get through this til her apartment becomes available
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Im in the same spot. Hang on because my mother has been on her waiting list for more than a year, shes been #5 on that list since last summer and shes still at the same spot. It gets worse so hang on.
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Once she is in her senior apartment, you and hubby take a vacation.
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Geriatric psychiatrist!
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Fregflyer....mom does clean her own room..dries dishes for us.....but laundry is in the basement..she can't do steps...sometimes I have her fold things..her vision and mobility is limited..and I have suggested grief counseling..but she says she doesn't need it...I've been taking her to a senior center on Fridays for lunch..chapel and socialization...I can handle everything but het attitude...controlling..she's right...everyone else is wrong..
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Sheri; I'm going to suggest that you read two really good threads here...One is "Is it normal she's so negative?". the other is a couple of different threads by MidKid. check them out; they each contain yards of wisdom!
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Babalou....you are so right..this ordeal has brought to light...issues I had simply buried..but never healed from....my dad and then my stepdad both shielded me...they are both gone..now my hubby tries to do the same..I've come to dislike myself...thro this..the feelings I have towards her..when I set boundaries with her she acts wounded and cries..I hurt her feelings...I tell her I asked you nicely to give me a much needed time off..why does me protecting my mental health hurt you....yes..I have a long road ahead of me....she makes everything a drama...plays on my guilt...but this apartment is a good thing...
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Sherijean, as Pam said about thanks for giving us more information. It is a whirlwind anytime there is a major change. If your Dad had passed recently, there is still grief the family, especially your Mother, has to deal with. Mom is probably scared about her future.

If your Mom is going into senior apartments, can't she do her own laundry while living with you in the mean time? Can't she help with housekeeping? Or is life too confusing for her at this point in time?
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Sheri, it sounds like there is some light at the end there, but don't back out of going to therapy. You've got a long caregiving road ahead of you. It sounds like your dad shielded you from the worst of her craziness, but you have to learn how to set real boundaries.
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Today..I felt hope...took mom to see the senior apartment complex we filled out an application for. Her friends daughter resides there and graciously opened up her home to us..so we could visualize how much space she will have. It's a beautiful place..and small! Which is great! Mom even admitted she will hire her friends housekeeper to help out! She had 2 or 3 people ahead of her...I know this will be perfect for her..to be with her peers! And love the suggestion to do online banking for her...all utilities are included in the rent..so there will only be a phone and cable bill..which I'm hoping came be an automatic deductions...my son says he will show me how to do this online...I feel some weight shifting off me...thank God...last night I was sinking into despair...prayers are answered
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I'm just melting down....I see I'm going to need some counseling if I'm going to survive this...my deceased dad told me mom was mentally ill..and had two personalities...I never believed or understood this....I do now...I'm thrust back into my dysfunctional childhood..it scares and alarms me....yet I want to do the right thing...and help her..but it ain't easy
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If it's,not one thing, it's your mother!
So the saying goes.
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Nope, not at all . Thank you for giving more info and the bigger picture. When I thought it was just the checkbook.. but now... I truely hope you enjoyed time with your hubs!
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Then there's taking things she can't fit into her apartment to the auctioneer..packing the things she wants...which I know wouldn't fit into her tiny apartment...so...I guess asking for a day off is selfish
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Plus she is argumentative...and mean...
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I guess I wanted to say...if its not the banking...it's something else...I have spent every day for the last 3 weeks..at court houses...applying for her apartment..producing documents upon documents..transferring mobile home titles..canceling drivers licence..applying for adjustments in her SS after my step dads death..then there have been 5 doctors appointments...cleaning out her mobile home...doing all her laundry..cooking all her meals..if I don't set limits..I'm going to lose it! She's followed me into the bathroom...bedroom...I'm burned out..if I would have balanced her checkbook...which would have taken more than a few minutes...more papers would have come out...and no boundaries
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I agree with the online statements! My mother is obsessed with when her deposits go in,, uh,,, like the same days every month,, and for the same amounts... No the SS does not go in on the 1st. more like the 3rd or 4th.. I usually add them in whenever she wants them to go in,,,LOL. And lets not forget to deduct the cc when the bill comes ( not the date they say it will come out... SMH) But I truely wish this was my biggest issue! Don;t let it get you down. Maybe it would be easier to take 5 minutes to fix.. but I also understand that you just want a day off once in awhile if you never get a break. But a happy mom must be better than the guilt you are feeling?
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SheriJean, after reading other postings from others, not be harsh but dealing with a checking account is so minor in comparison. How long would it have taken to see what was the problem with the balancing of the checkbook. Don't forget, as we age doing math become cumbersome, and our memories aren't the best. It becomes frustrating for your Mom, thus it becomes frustrating for you, too.

Do you have your Mom's checking account on-line so that you can pull up her current checking statuses? If not, do so. I was never crazy about on-line banking, but since I had all of my parents financial stuff dumped into my lap, it is an easy look at what is happening with those accounts :)
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