Mom is dying and I am supposed to go to Japan next week.
I am the main caregiver, along with the long term memory care center she is in. After a year of caring for a pressure ulcer on her foot that grew into a huge wound, seeing a wound specialist every 6 weeks, and treating the wound every other day, 3 new wounds have opened up almost overnight and the home health care nurse called and said it was time for hospice. She said mom's body is breaking down. She made that suggestion with the knowledge of some bad congestion in mom's respiratory system too, as well as lack of alertness or responsiveness. I respect this person's opinions so that is what we are going to do. However, I have had this trip planned for a while along with some impossible to get reservations at a couple of restaurants in Tokyo that are once in a lifetime experiences. It was not a simple trip to plan. What I am saying is, the timing is horrible. I have everything planned out for after mom passes. No funeral or burial will be immediate, as that will happen in another state at another time. Brother and sister are on standby to come down at a moment's notice. Cremation is set up and ready to do it's thing. I have been caring for mom for 8 years by myself, with the facilities she has been in, but right at the moment I am supposed to take this very special trip, it looks as if mom is going to die. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but within the next couple of weeks. I would hate to not be there for her in her final moments, but this is the kind of trip, you cannot just cancel and rebook. Believe me. The nuances and details of the reservations, bookings, connections, how it was paid for etc etc are unlike anything I have done before and I really want to go. Some of you might think that is selfish or cruel to leave my mother just as she is dying and I might agree with you, except that I have been the least selfish of any of my family for 8 straight years. Only those who are charged with taking care of every part of their loved one's life (medical, insurance, financial, POA, etc etc) on a day to day basis understands. I have moved across the country, was let go from my job and have had to live in a town I despise, all to be close to mom and take care of her needs. I do not regret a moment of it, but this has been my worst fear. That she will die just as I am about to embark on a major trip. I have another one coming up in November, that is even more complicated, which I will go on, no matter what, but i guess I am just looking for reassurance and support. I was at my father's side when he died. And I have been at my mother's side almost daily for 8 years and I am trying to separate to get some semblance of my life back, and taking these trips is part of my healing process. And yes, I will have all the time in the world to take these trips after mom passes, I agree, but the ones coming up cannot easily be repeated and it all likelihood, will not be. So my choice to is be there for my mother, for the moment of death, and then oversee the cremation, notify the organizations mom is affiliated with, such as doctors, pharmacies, insurance, banking etc, but that all can be done on email or calls after I get back as it is only 5 days. Is it horrible of me to want mom to die in the next few days so I can do both? Take care of her needs and after death responsibilities as well as go on my trip, with my nephew who also is very conflicted about this?