Mom does not want to stay in Assited Living Facility

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Hi to all, I put my mother in an assisted living facility and now she does not want to stay. She misses home and I understand that but she cannot be by herself and her memory is fleeting. I have POA and I think right now this is the best place for her. I have been through enough trying times when the help that she has does not come. They just cannot be trusted to come for the long haul and the responsibility falls on me. Who can keep a job like that? I have not worked in nearly five months seeing about her. I am nearly destitute. I told her that she would have to stay. It is a very sad situation


Butterfly, it is very sad but you're doing the right thing. How long has she been there? It may take her a while to adjust, or she may never be happy, but if she's just moved there, give her some time.

You have to take care of yourself too and it sounds like you definitely needed to get some help with her and you have her where she needs to be.
@Blannie. She is starting on her second week. It is the best thing for us both. I spend lots of time with her to help with the adjustment but I think I should limit my visits. I feel bad but I know I am doing the right thing by her. She is giving out and my health is not that good. She is 88 years old and dementia is such that she thinks that she is okay when she somehow knows that she is not. She is a very sickly person who wishes to be her old independent self but is not.
Well she's still in the early adjustment stage. It might be better for you to limit your visits, so she can adjust to her new settings. I know from previous comments, many places recommend that caregivers stay away for the first couple of weeks, so that their loved one can adjust. Hugs to you...I know this is hard, but again, she's where she needs to be.
Thank you Blannie. I appreciate the care you have shown me. God bless you!!
Butterfly, have you talked to the social worker or recreation staff at the facility to find out how your mom is doing when you're not there? Is she joining in the activities? Talking to people? The staff should be helping in her adjustment and they should be able to reassure you a bit.
@Bablou. Yes she participates in social activities. I have talked to them and they think that the place is a good fit for her. Mother just wants her way. Her dementia is such as that she does not realize she does not have it. She is stingy with money and wants to control it as she once has but she is not the woman she used to be. She can never go home. Going home is not an option.
butterfly, mom has been in ALF for a year now and still occasionally toys with the idea of moving back home. We just tell her it is not safe and then change the subject.
Hello, I hav a question,.I hav a best friend, where her stepson, has made my friend be put in an assistant living facility against her wishes! She, was told by this stepson, she, was ruled medically incompetent! She, has her own house, etc.but, this man,has threatened her, with the state, an she, is miserable an wants to go back to her home, this man, has stolen stuff from her, an yells at this 90 yr.old woman, how, can this woman leave this assistant living facility an go back to her own home? Also, reason this man is doing this is he, wants this lady out of the way, so, he, can take her money! She, sold 1 of her houses, an has quite a bit of money in bank, an this stepson, is very dirty, an has took complete control, of everything, she, said she, wants out of their, in Michigan, an wants to go back to her own home, for whatever years she, had left....she, had nurses coming in, her home to take care of her, but, this stepson, gave her ultimateum an made her go to this place.......her husband had just died, an he, has taken over everything! How on earth can she do, to leave that place, an go back home? Can I go get her in facility would they let her leave? What do I need to do or she, needs to do to get out of there? Mentally she, is OK, an she, has all her sences an she, is not medically incompetent, I hav known this lady for over 25 only reason he, is saying this is to get her money in bank account, she, gav him, the right to see after her bills, her insurance company's etc.cuz she, couldn't see well enough to do it, not knowing this man would take total control over everything....she, told me, she, was not happy there at all, an says she, wishes she, never left Tn. With this man......please, tell me, what I can do or my friend can do to get out of this place, an get her back home! She, said she, would never have thought this man, would ever do this to her....reason, for all this, is because there is alot of money involved an this man, wants every single dime of it, an he, is willing to say anything an do anything to keep her in Nursing Home! Please, let me, know what I, can do, or what my friend needs to do, to leave this place.....Respectfully, VGGENT****************
Vggent staying in assisted living is a very expensive proposition - probably around $6,000 a month. He's got to use his stepmom's money to pay for her care, if she's got money.I doubt the stepson would put a fully competent person in there - it's NOT a way to save money. And based on the paperwork my parents had to fill out to move into Independent Living, I'd believe they had to have paperwork from her doctor showing what kind of care she needed. If she was perfectly fine, I doubt they'd admit her. Were you around her every day for 4-6 hours? Why did she give this stepson control over her accounts and finances if she was fully capable?

I have a feeling there's a lot more going on with your friend than you realize. That's very common with older folks. They can seem competent to people who aren't around them 24/7, when in fact they have significant cognitive decline. If you are convinced she's mentally capable, is there someone else who could step in to question her placement?
You have to convince your mom to stay in assisted living center. You can move her to some other facility where she can live comfortably and happily. If you need, you can consider Luvida Memory Care. My mom has been staying there since many years.

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