My mom died today.
Hello all. Some of you may remember not too long ago I asked for (and received) help because my mom was becoming agitated after eating. Well, the hospice team had actually cut back on visiting because they didn't think she was close to the end and thought the family dr had jumped the gun referring her. The visited a week ago and said she was doing great, good color etc... Mom was drinking lots and eating well. She even requested salmon for dinner yesterday and she had periods where her speech was quite understandable.
Then today. She slept all morning (not unusual), has some noisy breathing (not ususual), I sat her up and she coughed up some mucus (not unusual) and her breathing became quiet again. I prepared dinner and she ate most of it and drank a glass of milk. I changed her and noticed her legs and thighs were mottled (not usual but I was thinking we still had months and it didn't raise the alarm in my head). I went to clean the dishes and when I came back she looked a little strange. I couldn't wake her and her pulse was so weak. Her mouth opened, she leaned back and she was gone. It was peaceful and quick. I'm in the kitchen right now typing this as the undertaker removes her body. I'm all over emotionally and feel very guilty that I missed something and then angry that hospice missed this and then so achingly sad that she was dying and I never knew. I could have told her just how much she meant to me had I known. And it's probably laughable but I get worried that I brought on death by feeding her. Maybe the blood rushing to digest diverted it from her weakening heart and it gave out.
Anyway, thank you all for helping. I felt so alone when I came here and your replies and messages kept me going.