Mom died suddenly last night.

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My mom died last night. She's had dementia for about 6 or so years and has been in a AFH since January. I'm just in shock. My mom was manipulative and controlling and always looking for a way out of the home, but I thought she was a long ways from laying down and dying. I'm a mixture of a little relieved for her that she doesn't have to suffer anymore anxiety and loss of dignity. But I just can't believe it's true. I can't believe she's gone, she been the middle my sisters and I have been circulating around forever, our bottom just dropped out. I'm not sure where she is, but it has to be better and she doesn't have to drag around that broken down 88 year old body. I'm so confused and sad and don't know what to do with myself. I've been laying here like a plank since last night. Don't want to talk, nothing. Just lay here and think. I wish I could cry. Thanks for listening.

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Nature and more specifically my garden is my happy place. It feels like a place with the most peace and where I can nurture and be nurtured no matter the season. My Higher Power is there in the silence. Kind of funny when I am very upset, I keep running outside to just breathe! Hoping you find your peaceful place to heal and regroup! Sending hugs and prayers your way!
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Awww...being sick on top of everything else just isn't fair. Sounds like a good plan... walk...bath...nap...repeat as often as necessary. My mom loved Black Hills Gold rings - she had 3 of them - one went to me, and the other two to my daughters. For some dumb reason I've become obsessed with finding another one - her first name was Rose, so I want to find one with a rose in it to wear on my middle finger next to the one she gave me. Mind you, the one she gave me should be meaningful (and it is), but for whatever reason I've decided I "need" one with a rose in it to wear in her honor also. Really not sure where that's coming from, if it's a weird stage of grief or what, but looking on eBay day after day searching for the perfect ring sort of refocuses my thoughts. Who knows if I'll ever find the perfect ring, but for now I'm happy just "window shopping", looking at old family photos and enjoying the happier memories that are (finally) resurfacing. You'll get there. (((hugs)))
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I tell you now I'm just becoming sick of myself. I just feel sucked in mire with all the feelings I am experiencing. I came down with a bad cold which never helps anything and have taken the rest of the week off work. I keep saying to myself "she IS okay and I'm GOING to be okay". The waves of panic keep coming up and combined with not being able to breathe because of my cold is almost (but not quite) comical. Like I said before I so appreciate everything everyone has helped me with and I vow in the future to help others going through the same thing. It's strange but this passing of my mother has all of the sudden made me want to be a more loving and accepting person, to be able to reach out. I've been more of a control freak, but when you feel you have been losing control (she's been sick with dementia, et all, for sooo long) and then lose control completely, it seems to make you humble. Anyone have any suggestions for a person who is sick in body and spirit? I'm thinking just stay in bed and rest, but it's really difficult for me, I feel like a lazy slug. I may get up, take a long walk, and then a hot bath, followed by a long nap.
Signed,
a weepy, soppy mess. Thank you so much.
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Be kind to yourself and your sisters and families. Let your friends be kind to you. Let your sisters be kind to you, too.
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Dear Looking Up....I want to give you a big hug right now! I know well the shock of a sudden death; it will take some time to process and return to normal. If we were all so fortunate to go peacefully in our sleep..... What could be better than that? I know you are hurting and in shock- it will lessen after some time. Allow yourself to grieve. My prayers are with you and your sisters. {{{HUG}}}
Karen
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God thank you so much you guys. I never thought I would be sitting her dripping tears all over my computer just loving a bunch of people I don't even know. Right now this is only thing that is giving me peace is that she is okay, not scared, doesn't have to go to the bathroom, not angry, hungry, tired, cold, bored, confused, and at peace. I have never seen my mom at peace, she was always fighting something (mostly herself and her health woes, she never felt good). But now she is okay and know I will be okay. Not looking forward to grief following me around though and poking me in the heart whenever it sees fit, but I guess it goes with the price of admission. But that's my problem, but for my mom, she's out of the woods into the light, so I just have to keep remembering to be happy for her and for me to remember to breathe. Thank you everyone.
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Praying for peace for you and your sisters. (hugs)
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So sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at the end of August, and at first I felt nothing but relief for her - for the end of her pain, and for the end of the frustrations of the past years her many illnesses brought her and me. It wasn't until a month or so later that I truly began to realize the magnitude of the loss - the mother I had when I was a child, a teen, an adult, the happy mother that slowly disappeared over the years, was gone...just like that...GONE. I don't know that I have truly "grieved" yet and have also been told grief happens on it's own terms. I suspect it will rear it's head over the holidays...not looking forward to those this year. Hang in there...remember the good times, and that she's now at peace. That has brought me the most comfort..knowing my Mom is now pain and illness-free.
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I am so very sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself. I lost my mom 10 years ago. I was working part time, so I spent the time when the kids were at school staring out the window in tears. Death is so final and it brings up so many emotions. Cry when you need to cry, drink lots of liquids and get a big box of soft tissues. It's hard, it really is.
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(((((((hugs))))))) and sympathies on your loss. It is a shock at first -the tears will come. Nothing ever prepares us for a death. Frankly, it is what I wish for my mother. She is 101 and tired of life though physically pretty well. Look after yourself, do some good things for you, pat yourself on the back for a job well done. If you need to just lay there and do nothing for a while - it is OK. Whatever you need to do or not do, is OK.
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