90 yr old mom with dementia found confused and taken by police to hospital.

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Last pm; neighbor reported my mom to police trying to drive. (Mom diagnosed with dementia; living alone and refuses all help/assistance set up for her). Her confusion and dementia episodes have been escalating over last yr. Police took her to hospital for eval. I'm daughter; IMO, it is in her best interest to get placed in AL or Memory care facility. To date, family has been unable to persuade her to go this route. Mom refuses all in home assistance to date. I live long distance (6 hrs) and work full time in travel job. Hospital called last night and she was in Emergency for eval. I'm hoping this is "precepitating event" to get her placed in care facility. I don't want to intervene; because I don't want to interfere with the process; I want them to place her in care facility and then I'm hoping once she is there; I can take it from there and move her to a care facility close to me so I can visit/ongoing monitoring. My question: Should I call the doctor or hospital at this point; wait for them to contact me?; will they possibly release her back to go home? (police and neighbor said she was talking erratically and talking on the phone to herself so they thought it was a psychotic episode); I told them to take her to hospital. I'm afraid if I get involved; they'll just release her and I won't be able to move her anywhere (I'm designated POA - but she won't let me invoke any power to date and claims if I try to do anything she will remove me; I'm confident she will if I had to go to court over this). She is coherent about 50% of time -- so she could easily fool the doctors into letting her go back home and take care of herself again. I see her about every 6-8 weeks and talk to her every other day --some good days; some bad days (no coherency). I know she is not eating or drinking properly. Appears to take meds okay. Pays her bills and is bathing (decent hygiene) herself and house is in order (though she doesn't clean).

Her primary care physician is no longer allowed to give me info. He knows situ and he and his social worker (in office) say there is nothing I can do until there is a precipitating event. I'm hoping this is it -- but looking to you dear friends for sound advice.

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Sounds like this is the 'deal breaker'... for me personally, I would call the ER and explain what is going on and that you want her placed.. if you explain the situation they will be less likely to discharge her back home... good luck and prayers for this one... let us know what happens...
Thanks Ladee. Update. I didn't hear back today from anyone; so called to track what was happening down. I found out that she was transferred (via county services) to another hospital facility 3 hrs away under "temporary detention order"; they told me hearing on Wed. They said "she had exhibited psychotic behavior". I don't know what any of this means or the implications. I called the med center I was referred to but they can't release info or confirm if she is indeed there. I can't understand why noone would notify me that she was transferred. Granted; my mom may have said she doesn't want me to know anything. But this seems extreme. I left my number with the med center to call me if they are looking for a "contact". I asked if they had contacted her primary care doctor as part of the overall evaluation -- but again; no one can give me answers. I don't know if she will pull herself together and end up getting released; or they will contact me to help get her placed in an appropriate care facility maybe near my home. I sure hope they don't send her back to her hometown where there is noone to support her.
Sunflo2,

Are you saying there will be a hearing on Wednesday? That seems odd.

My MIL was taken for a geriatric psych evaluation after she ran out of her house hysterical with fear one morning and the neighbors called the police.

She was medically evaluated and transferred to a geriatric psych unit for evaluation. She was held there for 2 weeks. I don't think any person with dementia can fool anyone round the clock for 2 weeks.

We were not in the same state so I kept daily tabs on her by calling the nurses station each day. MIL had only given her sister's name as a contact for them to release information. Her sister gave me the "code word" that enabled the nurses and the social worker to give me updates.

They did treat MIL for a UTI, which probably brought on the crisis. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia and the doctor's opinion was that she was not able to continue living by herself. They gave us the date they would be releasing her from tje geriatric psych unit and we traveled to Mississippi to be there when she was released.

The social worker and the administrator of the nursing home where FIL lived were a bit reluctant to hand her over to the unknown son from out of state - especially since she told them she didn't want to go with us. We understood her feelings and informed tthem that we were not who she thought she would see picking her up. Her middle son had always been the sun in her firmament. She was deeply disappointed. She had always truly hated me and resented my husband's devotion to our family. Her true "sun" always put her before his wife and of course, his wife made it clear that she did not support MIL being moved to their state. So it was us who showed up.

That's how we handled it. We kept close contact during the crisis and evaluation stage and made plans to move MIL and FIL to a SNF near us when she was declared unable to continue living by herself.

Good luck!
Thank you so much for your insight and experience (hope this turns out as good as yours). Yes there is a "hearing" on Wed I've been told. I don't have any more info and hoping a social worker will call me today. That would only be 48 hrs for eval and my mom can easily snap out of it. I find the longer she is "socialized with people" and nourished; she can be much more coherent and "normal" (although over the last 3 mo she continuously talks to herself or has two way conversations with herself) I don't even know at this point if she is in a geriatric psych unit. Her neighbor called me last night to give me more details. He called because she was disoriented, incoherent when he approached and she was trying to drive out of the driveway. She was uncooperative w/police when they arrived and tried to help -- so much so that they had to handcuff her to take her to hospital. It must have been extremely traumatic for her. Luckily I have her primary Dr name and attorney -- ready to pass that along to social worker if they call. My hope is that they keep her for a couple weeks for further workup (health and mental); and declare that she can't go home. I tried to research and she could possibly voluntarily agree to assistance and then report back for reevaluation -- that will be awful because she always agrees for help when I've offered; then I set up service/support and she cancels. I can't be there to supervise and make sure the services happen. When I dictate that they can't let her cancel without notifying me -- she refuses to let them in the house.

Actually, all this is a relief because it starts the ball rolling. I've wished for this (although not the handcuffs) for quite some time so she will be in a safe, secure, healthy environment. My hope is that they will dictate she can't live alone and they will keep her long enough for us to arrange for her transfer to a memory/Alz care facility near me. I don't want to move her twice -- if they send her back home; we won't get her out again and this will just be a set up for greater paranoia and barracading herself in.

I'm still baffled why I wasn't contacted especially since they moved her so far from her home. ; I know I was on the police contact list.
I can see your concerns, I wonder who has called for the hearing and what kind of hearing is it? I really recommend that you get some calls out there and find out what is going on.

It was a huge relief for us, prior to getting the piece of paper with the doctor's evaluation results and recommendations, we had no way to take over her decision making and get her safe. She is a candle "bug", a fascination for fire came with her dementia.

The geriatric evaluation solved everything for us.
Like yours, everything that was set up in their last years in their home as a supportive service, they cancelled as soon as whoever set it up drove away. One brother actually established 12 hours of care a day for a couple of months. MIL would refuse to allow the workers to cook in her kitchen, clean her house or feed FIL who was a double amputee (legs) The only thing she would allow them to do was change FIL's diapers.

Her dementia was the main problem, but the brothers didn't agree that she had dementia. She had always been difficult, not bright and a messy housekeeper.
Update. Can't get much info from current hospital; other than they want to release her and are putting high pressure on to release her next Tues -- whether or not I can secure care for her!. I don't have POA yet (lawyer didn't have signed copy nor electronic copy...absurd); I have to drive 6 hrs each way this wked to try and find a copy in the house and hope it is signed and in order. I'm looking at a memory care facility nearby my home tomorrow; but they only have one semi private bed open (at least they have been helpful). I'm trying to move as quickly as possible; but they aren't giving me or the planned memory care facility any info on her condition; limitations, etc. I asked about the outcome of the competency hearing and they corrected, that it was a "court hearing" not a competency hearing. I asked "well what was the outcome"; we can't release that info; when are you coming for your mother?. They want me this weekend; I refused and said I didn't want to upset my mom by seeing her and then having to leave again and come back to move her. They let me speak to mom; and she sounded good --although angry they won't release her. She thinks she's going home; I told her that she probably won't go back home;( I also requested that they start preparing her for that -- but it seemed to fall on deaf ears) -- she didn't like that and said they were holding her and waiting for me to pick her up; she also complained that she has been in her same clothes for 5 days and doesn't have any change of clothes. They aren't giving me any info; I'm wondering if she is bathing? are they laundering her clothes (at least underwear). I'm pretty fed up. PS. I asked if she is "incompetent" and in need of full time skilled memory care based on their eval. The case worker wouldn't confirm but just read thru the LPN's evaluation from this morning (to me it was inconclusive) and although they gave me doctor name; they wouldn't put me thru to him and just read from nurse's notes.
sunflo2 I had a similar experience and lucky for you I can help you understand better, as I found out the hard way myself, I will gladly share what I know, because it's all a big pain in the ...you know what!!!!
. The bottom line is THE LAW. By law your Mother is responsible for both, medical and financial reasons, for her own behalf. This is the case....unless she is found legally and/or medically incompetent.
Her healthcare information is protected by a law called HIPPA. Unless your mother verbally agrees or signs in writing on a "HIPPA form" of which, either case will grant her permission to release her info. ((they have the forms at the Dr's or hospitals, or whoever is caring for her)) So In order for her health information to be released to anybody that's not her, it's law a do this, so they will not tell you anything otherwise.
The other option is attorney-in-fact acting as a, P.O.A., or her agent, and the fiduciary duty needs to be granted on these papers to take action in whatever the case is, then action can be taken "on her behalf" as PO.A...
The other option is Guardianship, I did not do this so I am not aware of all the details. I do know that if your Mother is in fact, found incompetent by law, and there is no party assigned guardianship by law, she becomes a ward of the state. This means I believe the state becomes in charge of her well being and her finances to pay for her care needs.
So the bottom line is your Mother needs care, either someone takes the drivers seat as her GPS, so she's not lost, or her Health and Finances and all other decisions, will be up to the Government in a need to act on her behalf!!!!
That is correct about the HIPPA. I have to sign that form for every clinic and dental visits. When you check-in, and don't put anyone's name down, and something serious happens, they cannot call your family. Their hands are tied.

A man went to a private clinic for his dialysis. Something was seriously wrong that they had to call the ambulance and send him to the ER. Upon arrival, he kept telling them to call his wife. They didn't. For hours, he kept telling them, even asking to bring a phone and HE will call his wife. They refused. He was so angry with happened, he went on the talk radio to let us know what happened.

Another man got into a serious, deadly car accident. He was dying. His family found out but when they went to the ER, they would not admit anything about him - if he was there or not. Hours later of trying to see him, the ER finally let them - after he died and they had to contact his next of kin. The family were so angry that their loved one had to die all by himself and there they were outside trying to get in to be with him. They, too, went on the local news to alert us people what is happening with our hospital.

My 17yr old niece had severe stomach pains and went to the ER. They refused my sister, her mother, to go in with her. Even though niece asked if her mom can come too. They refused. The same happened with my bedridden mom who cannot talk - is completely vegetable state. Father had his Legal guardianship paper with him but they still refused him to go in with her. He had to wait in the waiting room. Then they called him and said that they cannot find anything wrong and so they will be releasing her - like 5 hrs later. Father got angry and asked if they took blood and urine test to find what's wrong? Did they check if she had bladder infection? So, they did the test...And she had infection. Antibiotic IV was given to her.

It's very important for everyone that when you go to the clinic or dentist and they give you this form to fill out - to remember to put your family member's name down. Otherwise, the medical community cannot contact them or allow them to see you - until you're dead.

My dad, years ago wanted me to go in to see his doc with him. The staff would not let me even though he was saying I want her to come with me. I never made it in. The doc I have now will not let my MPOA come in with me. The doc said I was young enough to understand what was going on and I didn't need anyone to come in with me. I think it's time I change docs.

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