Who am I? Hmmm. She uses my name but...

Started by

We are on Dementia Lane and Mom can travel from one decade to another so fast our heads spin. One minute she angrily declare that she is my mother and then, in the next sentence, I'm her sister who should remember things that happened in Keyser Valley. But she is still using my name. Now I'm her Mother, but she still uses my name.

I try not to get caught not understanding her comments and questions but it does happen. In those situations I have big problems because she says I'm "playing with her mind and trying to make her think she's crazy".

Actually, I think that accusation could go both ways (LOL) but I wouldn't say that out loud.

I know the question is not logical so I won't ask how can this happen. So my question is: Has anyone else dealt with this?


My father did a little of that in his last days, criticizing me for things that my mother did, and complaining about "my" father (his FIL). I usually just sat there and listened. He would eventually run down and say, "and I know you're not Maude (my mother), I know you're Jinx."

My sister has learned a good way to deal with her non-demented husband's nasty and illogical rants. She just sits down and listens and doesn't respond. He runs down on his own, and she hasn't added any more fuel to the fire.

Not saying anything is a really useful tool. I wish I could do it more!
Thank you jinx for telling me that I am not the only lady who has a husband who is illogical and nasty. Speaking of names, my husband said that I couldn't have his last name b/c his ex wife had his name and only one wife at a time could have the name. When in actuality, ex had remarried 3 times and had a new name. So that got me off track and don't want his name now, but too $$$$ to change it back to my maiden name. What a mess. I think he has dementia.
It actually makes sense (kinda) to the demented mind to call you her 'mother' instead of the daughter. You are now caring for her like she did you when you were little, so the roles have been reversed. To her it makes perfect sense. You're her mom.
i tried to give my mom her bedtime pills friday night and she said i was trying to kill her and she wasnt gonna take em. i told her noone could make her take medicine. take em, dont take em, dont matter to me. she took em. i think getting as crazy as she is might be helping us both.. logic has been discarded around here. its counterproductive and we dont need it..
Reverse psychology. Works most of the time:)
Thank you all for your thoughts. I do not dispute Mom's words. If I am silent she generally gets insulted and angry. Mom was a challenge before dementia so this is double jeopardy! Oh well. One day at a time.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support