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Why can't my bro's/sister's (9) come see my 86yr old mom, in the 6yrs she's been here w/me. Mom sold her house in another state, moved here (for peace of mind, and she knows I am and have always been stable, never asking her for anything since leaving home at the age of 18) and bought a house 3 blocks from me (Fantastic, and it was, until thing to include our once close relationship started deteriating,). I saw signs of something was definently wrong 3yrs ago, when I stopped at her house as usual to ck on her...She just out of the blue went off on me shouting "WHO TOLD YOU, YOU COULD JOIN THE ARMY", she ranted, shouted and kept fussing (this was in yr 2010)..."me puzzled/confused", I went with her, "Don't you remember, I told you to wake me up, and that the recruiter will be there to pick me up at 5:30am". "No, You Didn't" "You didn't ask me if you could go" etc...(like I was a little girl, and needed her permission)..this went on ranting raving and jumping to other years like I was her sister, my sisters, her on the farm as a young girl etc...for what seemed to be 20min, just a lot of anger, ranting and raving, then crying.....I just sat there and listened and watched, while in shock and trying to fig out what's going on... and in my mind I was like what the heck..(I had been married for 25yrs, had 2 grown dau, been to military, college, and retired from mil, and still working). The next day I went to a near by assisted living facility and talked to one of the caregivers there to see what's up w/my mom. She told me it sounds like the beginnings of demensia...She had went back to "1980", when I went to Basic Training. The nurse told me never go with her, and if she goes back like that always bring her to the present time ie..talk about stuff that happend in present year, or to a happy time when she was having fun. At that time I knew nothing about demensia/altimers or any of the elder signs and symptons untill I talk to that caregiver. So I notified my bro's/sis of what's going on w/her and what she did, and what she started doing etc... I started to give them updates throuhgout the yrs and told them they need to come see mom. On a regular at least once a yr 3 of them came, and could see what I was talking about. As she continued to decrease my oldest bro moved in w/her 1 1/2 yrs ago, and that was so fantastic, I appreciate him everyday, because I was getting so stressed out..worring about her being at her house alone, and her in completed denial that anything is wrong w/her. The more she did stuff, I got more in her business..turns out scammers had her money laundring, ck frauding (opening bank accts for them other than the one I paid her bill online with etc... As I told fam, they didn't believe me, mom was countering me w/lies...Telling them I want her money, and I'm doing this/that, treating her bad etc.., and they believed her. I pleated w/various fam to come see her, because I knew I would eventually have to do a guardianship..but I needed or wanted them to see what was going on (I guess for approval that I was doing the right thing). They kept listening to her, "She sounds fine to me", stupid answers.. I even offered to pay for my oldest sis to fly out to see/spend time with mom (3 times in 6yrs. There was always a excuse (no she didn't work) but always, no I got this/that going on..."Pittiful". So when finallly did the petition for guardianship this yr (2013), and also went to SSN for rep-payee...they got something to say. "Are you sure this was necessary, she's upset, and you know she has that pacemaker, diabetes, high blood pressure etc...During hearing I found out and fam too (through me) that she has now been diagnosed w/Sckizphenia w/Paronoid Features and Demensia". I'm so thankful to her court appointed lawyer because they found out everything, things I didn't know when they interviewed her, what her docs said/diagnosis etc...(all in my favor). It simpy amazes me that even though I have been telling fam for yrs, and trying to get them to come see her..now they have stuff to say, and want to have say so ie...you stil have to give her some of her money, etc.... It's not about mom's money, it's about her, her age, and the fact that tomorrow isn't promised to any of us...you need to come see mom. And, as far as her $s, I don't know why they worried about that, It's not like she's some wealthy old women w/big $s, she lives on her SSN only (otherthan w/me and my bro pitching in for med, or whatever...until we got smart realizing she was giving scammers her $s and expected us (bro and me) to pay the real bill ie..utilities, med, doc copay etc... Don't get me wrong it's not all my bro's/sis but the majority of them, and now they want say so... but still haven't said they would come to see her...Fam can be a trip sometimes, me thinking that would lift her spirits, if they come see her is just dum I guess in their minds...

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Thanks, and your absolutely right, and that's the approach I'm going with just, "Oh Well". I might even be nice, and not do them as mom does me..."Hang Up In Face", no just kidding, I'm too nice too hanging up in face; but mom's gotten pretty good at it, everytime I call and she don't like what I have to say...LOL. I've learned to take it all in strive, and I know it's her sickness...
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Hi sfcerwhit,
Wow-you have been through it with your Mom. Good for you for realizing something was up and being there for her. My advice to you is not to worry about your siblings. Y pleaded your Mom's case to them , begged them to come visit and they won't . I would totally ignore anything they have to say-I am sorry but until they make an effort to see your Mom they should not be able to tell you what to do. If they do not want to be a part of your Mom's life-so be it-what can you do?-you cannot force them-but than that means they give up the right to tell you and your brother what to do as well, IMO.

It is a shame that they won't visit your Mom but is she really missing out? Maybe she would not get much from their visits and maybe it would just be more stress for you and bro. IDK. Just some thoughts.


Good luck and God bless!!!
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