Mom and Mother's day- could have done without her.

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Makes me sad to feel this way but she's been on a roll for weeks now! She doesn't have dementia or Alzheimer's- She is just aging not so gracefully. It got so bad that an adult grand daughter finally asked her to give it a rest. She did shut up and for the next 20 minutes, she was normal. What she was doing is letting the entire family know how her two daughter's didn't buy the right brand of cat food so her cat threw up- which its been doing for 10 years (long haired cat and hairballs) and I was given a grocery list yesterday to shop on Monday but happened to find one of her items on sale so I brought it and stuck it in her purse- "I don't need this today- just one more thing I have to shove in my purse today". I made her a plate and took it to her but the Quiche arrived late and then I heard "I didn't get any Quiche, no one asked me what I wanted on my plate " I told her "Mom, I gave you a little of everything- you don't have to eat it all, the Quiche arrived late and I will get you some". So I did and returned with a small plate and she pushed it away and said "I don't want it now, I am too full. I wanted it before you gave me all that other stuff". And, well... on and on and on- my sister and I are emotionally exhausted. My brother-in- law and nieces all said " she's been nasty as long as we've known her- she's just getting worse with age- no balance now. Then as she is leaving- "don't forget to shop tomorrow and keep your eye out for a pair of loafers and by the way, I need a new screen". Holy moly! I walked her out to my nieces car who kindly offered to return her to the senior center because she knew my sis and I had enough- mom says "What's the matter, did I piss you and your sister off AGAIN? So- she's aware- and sometimes we think she enjoys making us miserable- the woman lives in the most luxurious senior home and has everything she could want- but she won't even make friends because "they just aren't my kind of people- clickish". One day I visited and her dining table girlfriend said "your mom is a real hypochondriac- "I never talked to such a bitter woman. Meat is too tough, vegetables are cold, ice cream wrong flavor, not salty or flavored enough". She's 90- well- this is the discussion forum. Anyone else wish to sound off? She's my mom but its getting harder for me to drag myself over- and I feel bad I feel this way but I am tired of being "beat up"!


tell her you arent going to listen to it and walk away a few times. my mom was very sick with depression and when shed pour negativity on everything too strongly id tell her i have to go sit down i cant take this s**t . in about a minute shed be at my bedroom door apologising and being nice. she wasnt meaning to hurt anyone she was just ill and everything did seem hopeless..
Nana2, wonder if it could be that your Mom realizes that she is aging and her days could be numbered, and she is royal upset about that but won't admit it. So she grumbles about everything else.
Both of you are spot on- I am just exhausted and needed a safe place to vent. I have to see her every other day- my sister and I alternate. We do so to check on her needs and used to visit for an hour or more- but her complaints are wearing us down. We end up kissing her on the forehead and saying love you- bye. If we stay it escalates to everything we do wrong- I bought her a beautiful flower arrangements and instead of Thank You- its too big. Thanks for listening
Nana, many of us know exactly what you're talking about. Some of us have parents that wake up complaining and go to bed doing the same. The complaints and long to-do lists are certainly dispiriting. I don't know if there is anything to change it unless they do it on their own. There could be a couple of things going on, and I know you can choose which one it is. First, she could be unhappy about her life in general, so targets you and sister. Or second, she could be happiest when she is complaining.

I think you're doing exactly what you need to do -- listen to her, but let it roll off. It sounds like it is wearing on her table mate, too. I don't know if there is any way to make her happy unless she chooses it for herself. I haven't been able to figure out how to make that happen. I wish someone would invent a happy drug that improves the temperament immediately without having any other effect!
Nana2, another thing I just thought of, since your Mom isn't working out of the home or inside of the home raising children and networking with other Mom's like she did in the past, she doesn't have anything new to talk about.... thus *complaining* is her only conversation.

Jessiebelk- your "happy pill" idea made me smile! And Fregflyer- so true. Mom is a self made woman and I admired her tenacity- every dime she has- she saved and she earned! Many years ago- She acquired a Super Bug in her lung and doctor sent her home with me to die- No CURE. I spent every free moment I had researching this bug- and I holistically restored her health- 1 year of 24/7 care for a bed ridden, dying woman- in home physical therapy and 1000's of dollars of supplements, meal replacements, etc- she walked into the doctor office 35 pounds heavier, no wheel chair let alone walker or cane- he was shocked. He gave her a thorough med work up- and well- She's doesn't even take blood pressure meds- BUT during that time of "qualified hospice care" we sold her home and put the money in her trust account which allows her all the beet money can buy- but she constantly says she wishes I let her die- because now she hates living in her new place- even though she has all the stuff that was in her 1 bdrm home- its not her home. I get that and i get that She's buried 2 husbands, all her close friends are gone, her 7 brothers and sisters and 2 sons. I get it- and it makes me sad- and she wants sis and i to feel her misery. I wish she could see how lucky she is- has her health, ability to make friends, go and come as she Please, money she will never spend, family thats local, 2 dtrs with patience if saints and are available anytime. I try remind her but she is hating her life. I am emotionally burned out because I can't do anything right- and today I will shop for her and I know she will start digging at me and then remind me I should have let her die. Thanks for listening!.

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