Mom and I are trapped with and by each other.
I am the only child and sole caregiver for my 89-year-old mom w advancing dementia. We definitely care for one another but resent each other as well. With others she seems to be very alert, with me she's a zombie not knowing her shirt from her pants and putting depends on her head like a hat! Except for when I'm in a hurry, which is always, I learned to laugh at it and while it really is sad I figured better to laugh than drive myself nuts! She lives in my home and I pay sitters to be with her when I can (8 hrs of my 9 hr work day) but caregiving has put me 10K in debt over the past seven years. She has been denied for just about everything because the government says she has too much money. Someone please tell me where! Medicaid is a joke & wants to take every dime & I come out cheaper paying sitters out of packet as opposed to what they want for spend-down PLUS She has property in trust that must be maintained w her income until I can find a renter so I take care of her personal needs out of my own funds. The debt I can deal with – she made HUGE sacrifices for me over the years plus I'm a hard worker and will get myself out of this hole eventually. What I cannot deal with is her taking her colostomy bag off & spreading feces around the house when there's no sitter available. I work 3 hours in the morning getting her, myself & the house together before leaving for the office, work 9 hours, then return to clean shit for another 2 hrs after only having left her alone for 1 single hour between the time the sitter leaves and I get home. It may put my work at risk but I CANNOT WAIT FOR PASSPORT TO KICK IN SO SHE CAN GET THE H*LL OUT OF THE HOUSE DURING THE DAY SO I DON'T HAVE TO COME HOME AND CLEAN SH*T AGAIN AND AGAIN. I am doing the very best I can by myself w no support other than someone I have to pay. I tried to keep things positive but confess that I am angry that this has happened & that I feel imprisoned. Nothing will change quickly- I guess I just needed to have a little whine session... Even if you don't agree with my choices, Thanks 4 listening :-)