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I'm back in Richmond to move my folks to a memory care unit here. I drove back last week, its been really emotional and difficult. I can see how they've both declined, They've been stuck in this horrible rehab nursing home, because they can't go back to their house, neither can care for the other any longer. I went to look at the memory unit the attorney picked out I hated it until I spoke to the staff. I think the staff made the difference I pray they'll care compassionately for them. I'm all over the map the drive up took me two overnight stays, very cold in those mountains. Thank God I took the northern route as all lower southern states took the hit of the ice storm. The move is unorganized as I'm overwhelmed at the stuff inside the stuff my mother kept through the years. Still trying to get the money for the vehicle my father totaled and additional medical. Now Medicare is saying they won't cover mother any longer in the temporary stay nursing home I can't bring her back to their house because I'd never get them out of here that attorney is afraid they won't leave. I couldn't care for her will she's here very will as I'm burning out myself. We've had some good visits they are easier to be with now since dad's been medicated he's not as scary when he doesn't get his way. I can tell both have declined further since September 2013. I have no idea how I'm going to get this move organized assisted living space is so small. It's going to be a challenge with my dad he's angry about being locked up I get that however there is no choice. I was told that 3 years ago dad left he house late one night in his night close then went to a neighbors house they had to bring him home. Why couldn't someone have told me this in August of last year? It's no ones fault it's just frightening and exhausting. I'm deeply grieved about all that has transpired for them and myself. Lots of memories, however the anger is gone towards them which is a blessing they're so helpless. I just wish I didn't have to put them in a lock unit but they will care for them better than I could as I'm about ready to collapse! Best wishes to you all I've missed not checking in Hugs to all!
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Feb 5, 2014
Hugs to you across the miles. You certainly do have a lot to deal with. You are doing the best you can; one day at a time. I'm not familiar with your situation, but you mention an attorney; so at least you have legal counsel. It appears you are doing all of this on your own? God bless you; your plate is full.
Keeping your parents safe is the most important thing and you are doing that. Blessings to you and take care of yourself as best you can.
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1. Don't panic. One step at a time - the pace is fast because your parents have been overtaken by events, but it's still a series of tasks to tick off.2. Great news that you were impressed by the staff, and that the unit can take your parents together (if I've got that right?). Big sigh of relief. People you can work with, yippee!3. Stuff stuff and more stuff - groan. I know the feeling. Make a list of what they will need, not looking at what they've already accumulated. Find and pack the things on your list. Deliver it to their new place. Look round and see what's still missing. Find/source those things, deliver them. One or two more rounds of that, and what you should have left is basically a house clearance problem. Which you can either then tackle in due course or hand over to the attorney, maybe?
MEANWHILE - regular hot meals, including proper time to digest them, and a hot soak every night. Take care of yourself. Good luck, hope it all lines up smoothly from here for you x
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Take care of yourself first, without you, you can't get things done. Hugs.
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People first, with one or two suitcases each of immediate necessities first, other stuff later...and spring is coming, that'll help, but maybe not soon enough...
First - how are you doing the transport? Car, plane (we had a good experience with Southwest for my mobility-impaired mom) or special van service (pricey but could be worth it)? If by plane, make sure they have valid photo IDs.
You can always do an estate sale after rounding up whatever you and your folks will actually need, want and use. If you have POA already, great, you will probably just need a couple of incapacity letters from doctors for each parent and you will be able to sell the house after that too. Emotionally, this process sucks big time but it has to be done, as it sounds like you are clear they will not be returning home, even if they aren't. Neighbors who have been helping don't tell you because the people usualy don't want them to and say so, or possibly they think that because you are not there you don't care, since mom and dad will tell them oh, she's too busy, blah, blah, blah, which of course also serves to keep you from doing what they may know needs to be done, but they absolutely don't want to happen. A little magical thinking goes a long way with that...
Its a big job, but just attack one or two things at a time, documenting and keeping a good contact list and Important Papers file all along, and it will get done. At some point, you will have enough time again to sit back, breathe, and realize you have just accomplished one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life.
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