My mom will be abused until the day she dies.

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Alienating a conservatee from family is a strong sign of elder abuse. I have brought this up in court but they ignore me because the professional fiduciary says he worked for APS and is a licensed psychologist. Out of 13 areas that are flagged as signs of elder abuse 8 of them fit. I live in Hawaii and my mother is in San Francisco. Also, I have done much research of other cases in San Francisco that follow the same pattern as my mom's case. Professional fiduciaries somehow appear from no where, conserve an elder, alienate family members, sell their home and charge hundreds of thousands of dollars as conservators who do not take the conservatee to have their hair or nails done, nor take them to the dentist. My mother's conservator/trustee also removed my mother's little dog of 13 years from her for unknown reasons and will not obtain new hearing aids for her to hear me on the phone. I believe it is to further disconnect her from her from her past so they can better control her assets. I cannot afford an attorney, whereas the professional fiduciary charges our family trust for use of an attorney and have been trying to deal with this on my own. I need some experience, strength, and hope, for myself and my mom who has been abused her entire lifetime and now, as it appears she will continue to be abused until the day she dies. Thank you for any responses to my plea.


3930 helpful answers
This is horribly sad, but as you say, sometimes there is nothing you can do to change other people or their situations.
Take care of yourself,
Try some of the elder care services in her area. They may be able to give you some tips. Is there a law school in the area? There are clinics sometimes with supervised law students who might also be able to give you some guidance. Sounds like you need to make a trip to San Francisco. Best of luck.
It sounds like it would be useful for you to have information about what is really going on. And yes, you need hope.You're scared of things going the worst possible way. And when we are scared and we don't know something (e.g. "removed her dog for unknown reasons") and we are feeling helpless, we all tend to put those feelings together and declare that our worst fear is already realized ("My mother will be abused until she dies.") And yes, there are horror stories all over the place, to provide more data that seems to fit our fears. Can you afford one trip to San Francisco, to collect real information first hand? Peel away the unknowns one at a time. (Meet the conservator, learn how he was appointed, find out about the dog, sometimes hearing aids don't do the trick on the phone, etc etc etc....) It will give you much more to work with. Specific, factuaI information will empower you individually and also give you credibility in court if you need it. Courts don't ignore facts, they ignore speculation, and you will not only be more powerful but also have more options and feel better the more facts and the less speculation you have. Take care and good luck.
I feel so bad for you and your mother in this situation. The menioning of the dog being taken away crushes me. I would want to die if somebody did that to me.
I wish there was an agency to police and monitor these situations.
I have so much to learn. I never heard of anything like this.
We ALL wish there was an agency to police and monitor these situations! Adult Protective Services is of little help, mostly because they need such hard proof before they can act. They do care, but the law has no teeth when it comes to protecting elders. I've had first hand experience, as you can read on my past posts. Even so, I do agree that the only chance you have is to go plop down next to your mom, be present for everything that happens (or does not happen) within that time, document it down to the tiniest detail, and send a written report to APS, the court that appointed the conservator, and anyone else you can think of. I know that we all have job and expenses and limited time, and it is a great sacrifice, but it's probably the only way. These people count on you to be too busy or broke to interfere with their plans. Believe me, I know how painful it is to watch these things happen. I had to walk away because I couldn't afford $5000 minimum for a Guardianship hearing, which I might lose because my easily influenced mother with dementia just needs to be petted on the hand by a stranger to swear that whatever they want is what SHE wants too. I was told by an elder law attorney that the courts are fooled by that all the time, and that doctors won't show up or submit their reports about their findings of dementia. My mother has nothing now, and the people who are ripping her off are even letting her Medicare Supplemental policy go into lapse (I was told by the insurance company). The scammers had her revoke my POA immediately - that's how they roll, so there's nothing I can do. Anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world, but also hope that you can find a way to get the goods on this conservator (who, by the way, cannot claim to be a psychologist unless he really is - and if he's not, and you can PROVE that he's saying it, that needs to be reported ASAP to their governing board (the APA, California branch). Believe me, they will pursue it. One cannot claim to be a licensed practitioner without a license, it violates many laws. If you could, I'd set up practice as an MD!
I love dogs and I am very aware of the impact on seniors from losing a pet,...a spouse,...children, ...friends,...job,....income,...sense of self worth/self esteeem/and even belonging or feeling wanted, ...independence.....need I go on? But I agree with alwayslearning about empowerment with factual information. I also agree with what she said about (mistakenly) realizing our worst fears. That said, I'm writing to point out that a poochie of at least 13 years in age is likely to have had severe medical problems of its own. And those problems and manefestations like vomiting, blindness, incontinence or immobility issues could have made poochie too hard to care for any longer, especially for someone with your mom's illness(es). Further, when my father was seriously ill and had to move in with us, we tried to take in his dog too. But his dog bit my dog. I had to place Dad's dog in a kennel and he stayed there for an entire year before I could finally find someone to take him in. Sam was 8 years old and the shelters and rescue villages said they didn't want him or couldn't / wouldn't take him as he was unadoptable due to his age. I am sorry for your troubles and losses hfox784 and wish you and yours well.
hfox784, my heart really goes out to you with respect to the ordeal you described about your mother's conservator. I wish I had advice for you, but I have not had such experience. Fortunately, with the exception of, in my opinion, the rather callous response from the "expert," you've received some valuable information and advice from caring contributors here which, hopefully, will help you figure out how to best apply it to your life. I wish you all the best.
There are attorneys who will take such cases without a fee. I would gather information and present it to several law firms and see what happens! It's horrible how people are take advantage of, and our hands are tied.
yeah, what the heck is up with the experts rather callous response above? i have never seen that happen here before. all of the experts here have been so wonderful, that reply shocked the heck out of me!!!
hfox784, You have obviously put a lot of effort into trying to rectify this deplorable situation. Your mother is quite fortunate to have you. It must be so frustrating, disheartening and overwhelming when you keep running into blockades of injustice like this. I'm sure I would be weary and fearful too. But, you've kept on. I too hope that with the encouragement, information and advice you have and will continue to receive here, you will be strengthened and carry on. Please keep maticulous records and notes, as mentioned earlier. And please keep us posted. I admire you for your fortitude. No doubt, this will be of great benefit to your mom and subsequently to all of us in your village. Thank you hfox784.

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