My life is doing a 180. I hope this helps others in the cross hairs

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After 8 years of caring for mom - becoming critically ill and developing many chronic illnesses I hit the wall. Before mom I helped mom with my step dad as she was not strong enough, so I had to quit my career to do that driving 80 miles round trip 3 or 4 times a week.
Mom is in respite now, we went to Florida for 2 weeks to see friends. While there a neighbors decided to move, we made offer on house and are planning on closing this winter. Husband still has business and we still have several houses (rental) to unload. It must have been meant to be because it is just a few doors down from my friends and the owner is holding the mortgage so we can get our houses here in the mid-west sold. Mom has always bee wanting
G to move to Florida so I am checking on AL for her if we ever go full time. My health has turned around, my energy lifted and spirits high. I still however have this nagging guilt that she is not here in the house. We need to sell and it's better if she isn't here due to showings and poopy toilets that might happen before a showings, you understand.
My point is, I'm getting my life back and it feels good but so so guilty. I am trying to learn deal with the guilt. Mom is in a gorgeous facility and they all love her there. They had to put her on seroquel due to outbursts. Which when these happened is the reason I took to respite. Up and down all night. Hallucinations aimed against me (thought i was animposture)
She tolerates it well on a very low dose just at night. My husband has worked since he was 9 years old (paper route) he is 69 and is burnt out and needs to enjoy his life I'm doing this (Florida) mostly for him, with the promise that if I want to sell we will. Missing my daughter and her family
We have both only lived here grew up in a small town - less than 1000. And are jumping into the abyss and embarking on an adventure. Scary. If we loose our buts, so be it,at least we are going for it.
Impelling like a kid again.


I feel better just reading what your wrote, Here4her. You go, girl!
Here4 Her - I hear you on the guilt but you must never feel this way. You have did more than most adult children would or could do. I feel the same way about getting a respite now but my spirit is telling me this is the right thing to do for my father and my son and most of all myself! Our parents may want to put the guilty on us but we can and should not allow it. I know I have given it my all for two years with ill health myself and if the rest of the family does not realize that then I guess they will have to sulk away. I have always been there all my life for everyone in my family and now where are they when I need them the most? I have learned a big lesson here and I need to focus on my life, my health and my young teen son who is also affected by all of this. I can only say to you my friend to meditate and pray about guilt. Let it off in a hot air balloon and release it knowing you did all you could possibly do and leave the rest for those that are trained and licensed to do this type of work. We all love our parents but when it is too much and they can not see it, we must protect our livelihood as well. We are no good to anyone if our health fails - that is what I mean by that one. We wish we could change things but we can not so best to face up to the realities of life and know we did the best we could with what we had. Better than what some adult children do for their parents...I won't go there now. Not just my family but so many families go through this and refuse to tend to their parents when they can not tend to their-selves any longer. It is sad, but it is truth and fact. Blessings to you and try to rid yourself of the guilt. I know I have to work on that too. It is not easy but it can be done. Hugs!
I feel the guilt too. Great advice crystal. I did more than most families would do for their parents too, but I still have the guilt anyway. I love what you wrote about it though.
@lefaucon I hear you and I thank you. I know we will always be hard our ourselves because that is what and how we are. I am so full of anxiety today since the Hospice nurse talked to my father and then I tried to talk to him and now he will not speak to me. I also know with the upcoming holiday I do not know whose short fuse will go off in my home as I don't even want to have Thanksgiving here this year. I feel nausea everyday now and that is why I said recently I have to get better or else I will end up needing a caretaker soon. I have let this go on for so long and not speaking up for ME and in the end I will be the one that is cast down upon and I am fine with that because Almighty God knows and sees everything. I was strong but now I am weak. I was all to so many all my life and it has depleted me mentally and physically. Maybe the nurse should of waited to mention the respite care again for now my father will probably not eat or want anything to do with Thanksgiving. He always cooked the turkey and he said he is going to do it this year but I do not see that as he does not even get out of bed hardly. If he is up to doing a little bit we will let him as I do not want to take that away from him either. It is bad enough he is putting the guilt on my now but I must stick to my plan so I can be well for my only son, who I have not had the time or energy to focus on him and his concerns. He is my support person and he says he supports me in my decisions. It is hard but it looks like I will have to do this again like I had to do for my grandmother some 30 years ago since her children could not bring her to the nursing home so my cousin and I had to do it. Talk about nightmares and guilt to last a lifetime - that did it for me. I know you must have the guilt and with time I pray it subsides for you as well. It is natural to have these feelings and emotions when it involves a loved one we care so deeply about. We must also remember to try and let it go as others will put the guilt trip on you and walk away with no remorse. Thank you for the comments. God Bless.
Nursing home called today. Mom upset wNting to talk to me. She hasn't talked on phone for years, can't hear. But she heard today. A little melt down. She thought I had left her at a restaurant and didn't come back to get her. They asked if I would come and try to calm her down. She was full of wild tales. By the time I got there she was not speaking to me. I got her calmed down after realizing instead of denying all the things she was saying to me (that werent true) just suck it up and tell her how sorry I was. She forgavemeandwanted to come home. I told her she couldn't we were getting house ready to sell. After awhile she did say how good they were to her and they were kissing her when she was upset. She said she was on a hunger strike so she could die. I told her itwouldnt work they would just tube feed her, she might as well enjoy the food. So she calmed down and I came home and trying to get the knots out of my stomach. But at least they are handling it.
Crystal.....I'm going to keep on you, respite! Respite! Respite!
Also yes, your son doesn't deserve to live this way. How old is he?

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