Made an attempt at placing mom in a memory unit; the monthly rate was listed as $3,100 a month. The cost today is 5,000.

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Oh well, i guess we will stay home. i did feel some relief with that decision. I'm not sure why. I think she is farther along in her disease than I wanted to admit. Took the weekend off and my eldest daughter stayed with her. The earth didn't shift off its axis! Someone wrote a blog about keeping mom at home, but can't remember who it was, but I think it's the right thing to do. Hugs to all you caretakers out there! tonio

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Great news n I hope u have no trouble getting your mom to go check the place out.
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Jeannie and lildeb: thank you for the advice. Ifound a wonderful memory unit for mom for what i feel is a very fair price. Now all i have to do is convince mom. I just cant continue going w/o sleep with her sundowners. i think my visits would be more positive that way. i tried to keep her at home, but the sundowners is just too severe. i tried everything, but to no avail. Keepin the faith! tonio
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The Area Agency on Aging is a great place for local resources to check out. They find out what type of services u r looking n extra resources for yourself. Anyone looking for resources from them check where blue area at top of this page n hover over with your mouse on the 'Caregiver Support' then you should see something, 'Find Agencies on Aging.' I think all u have to do is type in your zipcode n it should located one in your area if they have one. They helped me alot with resources.
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"Its always best to keep mom at home."

I don't agree with nikiaplaygirl on this issue.

I might agree to "It is often best to keep mom at home." I might be talked into "It is usually best to keep mom at home." But always? Uh-uh. No way.

Too many factors enter into it. Best for whom would need to be defined. And whether we are talking best financially or quality or care or preservation of sanity. Then, what are the specific care needs? Is dementia involved? What equipment is needed? What kinds of emergencies are typical of this condition and how can they be met? What was/is the relationship between Mom and the at-home caregivers? Was Mom loving and nurturing or abusive and cruel?

We have seen evidence over and over on these boards that it is definitely not ALWAYS best to keep Mom (or Dad or Spouse) home. Often? -- sure. Usually? Maybe. Always? No, that just isn't true.

I'm not trying to pick nits here, but it seems to be unrealistic to perpetuate the myth that home care is always the best option. It is hard enough to make a decision for placement when that is clearly necessary without having to find stereotypes that don't match reality.
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Home health would be about half the price of the fancy place and that is only at 8 hrs a day and 16 hours would be as much as the fancy place. Not sure what to do. Still wouldnt get any rest because of the sundowners and that lasts 3-4 hours at time. Also she started in at 6 am looking for a mortician cause she thought my dad had died this morning. Been dead for two years. I later saw her phoning for a long time using the tv remote! she was mumbling, this phone is a piece of junk. Really? tonio
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Its always best to keep mom at home. Dementia units charge for everything and believe me, what you're paying for, is usually not what your parent is receiving. Look into home health. I don't know if its less expensive than placing her in a home, but if it is, then you can have someone come in and give you a break. If you're not comfortable leaving your mom alone with a stranger, then you can have them come in to do your groceries, clean up, do moms laundry and keep mom busy, just so that you can breathe for a while. Unless your family is willing to commit to being educated about people with dementia and helping you out, you will need some type of help and a home health caregiver, if he/she does their job well, will give you a chance to breathe. You are in control of the decision, but what I know is that if you don't have a good support system and some type of help, you will burn out. Just giving you something to think about. Good luck and I wish you all the best.
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I work for an elderlaw attorney in Florida. There are programs out there to assist you in paying for the costs associated with Assisted Living Facilities and Nursing homes. Some will cover all of the costs. You need to check with a CERTIFIED elderlaw attorney in your area. The cost will probably be one months cost of the facility but you would be saving 60,000.00 a year for that one months cost to pay to the attorney. Well worth it don't you think? Plus you can protect most of the assets for after your parent passes.
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Igloo, I have been checking those area of the blue tab above this story. It seems we may have to do the spend down for our mnl his mom. Right now we r using a respite care at a church that cost $22.00 once a wk and it is a very nice place n the people r great. Lunch is included n mnl gets that center of attention sometimes their while they all participate in activities. I wish they were open on Saturday for I sure would had drop her butt off today. She has been in one of those snappy bite your head off moods n not just to me but to hubby too. Hubby asked me is she this way when I'm at work, duh.... sometimes. She may be tired from yesterday for we went up to Newnan n shop. She did very well for most of the day yesterday n I had to make sure she got out of the sun n into one of the stores for air n drink water to hydrate her. Cute little shopping area but they should had build canopies so people would have shade as they went out one store n into another. You can't have every piece of the day go great so, I guess apprciate the little ones as you get them.
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lildeb & helpme -on this site there are a # of articles about the different level of care and how the Medicare & Medicaid and long term care insurance system works. Articles are good but not near as much fun or insightful reading as the posts from those of us who are dealing with all this with our parents or spouses. lol.

Imho there is nothing like going and visiting a # of places in the area where your parents will be living. See what your community does that is considered IL - independent living, AL and NH or other SNF "skilled nursing facility".Go to the real expensive ones too as well as those located in more low income area and see what your $$ supposedly will buy. Do you really want to be underwriting the payment on the huge and manicured lawn and entry way and the big atrium? Just so much of AL places, for me, are all about selling the visual prettiness of the place to the family as all this is about capturing the private pay market for as long as possible. In most states AL is not within the Medicaid payment system so it is all private pay and expensive. Just a few states do a Medicaid waiver for AL . From what I've heard those that do waivers have waiting lists usually based on preference given to those that are closer to being at the income and asset level needed for Medicaid NH acceptance.

For my mom, her IL (which is in Texas and was private pay) sounded like what LindaGS described as AL. My late MIL, her very, very old NH which was paid for by Medicaid, was really more of an IL as she had her own apt (this was in Louisiana). So they can be very different based on community. My mom's IL was part of a "tiered" system that went from IL to AL to NH and did hospice within the NH. The IL was a 48 unit 3 story apt building and they went downstairs for 2 meals a day and the activities was in another building. The AL and NH were in a whole other huge building that you could walk to easily from the IL. My mom's IL was for profit (but underwritten by a protestant ministry) and part of a larger for-profit group that also does senior retirement communities that require a $$$$ buy-in.

For AL & NH, what I've found is the residents rooms are basically all the same as there are set federal standards on that; a big difference is how they do a community rooms and how the nurses stations are set up - like is the dining room just used as a dining room and there is a separate activities room. The older places are bigger and they have rooms for both dining and activities and the residents can spend more time eating or doing a crafts project as there is no rush to get the place cleared. For whatever reason, NH residents all mill around the nurses station. My mom has been in 2 NH: 1 was a long hall design with a central hub in the middle for the nurses station. There was always tension as there just is never enough room. Her new place is an X design so the nurses station has lots more room and the residents do seem to visit each other more.

Be realistic about what you can & cannot get your parents to do with minor or major motivation (or threat or legal) on your and your siblings part.This site is filled with posts from folks who are worn out, burned out from taking care of family and just cannot figure out how to get out from under the burden that well meaning caregiving has turned into for them. Caregiving for the elderly or for family with dementia is never easy and it is not for everybody. You have to often be bitterly realistic to yourself about if you can and what their needs truly are.
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Regency homes are a graduated care system. They have lovely apartments that are fully accessible with a nurse on duty. This is the independent living. Assisted living is the same apartment or a studio apartment which comes with a housekeeper and 3 meals a day in the dining hall. Then graduated care comes along with fee for services such as hair cuts and medications and laundry service. Next level has to do with dementia. They track you down and make sure you make it to meals. When you can not eat independently in the dining hall and tuck yourself into bed, you can hire a nurse to visit you three times a day to feed, bathe, and tuck you in or you can move to the nursing home wing. Once you do gaga things- like leave the hot water running over night or your bedroom door open to the patio in the middle of the night-- they insist on the nursing home wing.
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