Medical decision-maker POA was revoked!

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I took care of my father in hospital for three months with failing lungs and heart (advanced silicosis). My mother (also ill) never treated him properly and when he was half dead they removed them both from their home (house was a mess -uring feeces, bugs, rodents -and this was a nice house. I cleaned the whole house and so she was able to return. Dad stayed in hospital but after doing everything for him in hospital right down to toe nail clipping, psw work, his laundry and fixing him up , raising him like Lazarus from the dead, the medical team revoked my medical decision maker and handed him back to my twice Form one-ed mother who treated him like a slave and absolutely like garbage. I made him better, i hand feed him pieces of food when he wasn't eating for days on end. I was originally told that i basically had "custody of him". Note this is the third time my mother has left my father to rot and he has ended up in hospital. He has early dementia and thus failed the capacity test. He wants to back to her and now that he is fixed up (well with 3-6 months to live), she wants him back (married 63 years with separate bedrooms etc. She heckles me as I helped her (this became too stresful and so I had to stope). I really did not mind taking care of dad in hospital. My husbnad and son , we all went to the hospital for pizza family dinners and dad seemed content. I was there daily looking after hi. The hospital's agenda in SAMU at Victoria hospital in London, Ontario was to get him out of hospital and wither into LTC or to my house and I opted for LTC because of his incontinence and frality with his lungs (oxygen monitoring, heart pills etc. The hospital went with my mother's decision to take him home where undoubtedly she will not have help in (as she did not let the CCAC in for herself) and my father will die and even earlier death. I cannot go into this house of theirs with her heckling me adn teasing me for looking after my father. I cannot handle her care as she gloats over it as I am bent over and cleaning the floor under her feet as she cackles with delight at being my "master" at last. it is just a "sick, sick, sick psychological situation" adn I can't do it so I walked away. I said goodbye to my father in hospital and reminded him of where I live. I have blocked my mothers number. I am just going to be thankful that I actually had some time w dad (my mother had estranged us for years on end) and we said our goodbyes. I even looked at sympathy cards to send myself to just make myself get over him. I know that this is messed up but I have an immediate family with a young 11 year old and another child in university. This is too much for my family and I will just burn out in all aspects mentally and physically causing my children and husband/marriage to suffer. Am I a horrible person?


You are not a horrible person.

Is your father mentally competent? He is the only one who can assign his medical POA.
No. Mother (Monster) stepped up to the plate once he "looked good", still on oxygen and doing to die. She has POA financial and I had POA medical decision maker but with the agenda of just getting this sying old guy otut of the hospital without him croaking "on site" and thus not a "successful transfer to home or LTC", the doctor and , CCAC appears to have done a lovely and competent job of their work (on paper) and just some old junker of a geezer croaks! However, that is my father, my hero. I am what I am because of him but he wanted to go home and she (though she torments him) wanted him home so their case is solid until he is rushed to emergency (again when she is bored with him or finds that he can't run her errands (as in making him go get coffee without his marbles and damaging the car and driving without a license -no prob to her). i can go to a JOP but that is $50 and I still will lose. I just need to not lose my marbles at this point. Im sickly preparing for his death. Started to make the slide show already. She wont even tell me when he does die so when they are all (two previously deceased brothers, and both parents gone), I'm going to have a nice quiet memorial (like an Irish wake-I'm not a sad kind of person) This is me.
Doctors do not revoke POA's. The patient himself signs a new POA, or if he is incompetent, a Judge assigns the POA of person and/or estate. So if a Judge in Ontario removed you, do not disobey that court order. Stay away until you get therapy suggested by the court.
Pam, the way I see it the POA never came into play, the man was competent and wanted to return home to his wife of 63 years and (dysfunctional?) life. If he hasn't felt the need to change things before he certainly won't now. The OP would do well to get on with her own life and leave them to it.
It was not POA but for medical decision maker for in hospital decisions regarding his care and making Long Term Care Arrangements. Yes he was deemed incompetent. Yes life was dysfunctional and that is a whole other thread. He was called to service by the ringing of a bell and then when he went deaf by an air horn. He has no idea about his finances nor much else (when he was with it). This woman stressed out my older brother with a heart condition until he died and drove my other brother to suicide in part. Yes, he (father) sure has the right and choice to go back to her but so do I (to stay away).

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