Medicaid and hate.
In June of 2013 when my Grandmother was still lucid, she, along with my mother signed an agreement with me, in which I would be financially compensated for taking care of her (Grandma) and helping to keep her in her home for as long as possible. It was Grandma's idea to put $1,750 as the monthly amount, because she said that's about what she was getting between her SS, and her government retirement benefit.
In Sept. of 2013, she made me power of attorney, and within the next two months her mind began leaving her at a rapid rate. I was finding unpaid bills and credit cards from even before she made me POA, and it was worse at the end of 2013. She could not be trusted to take her own medicines, and so we were handling that as a family - mainly just me, and I live 80 miles away from her. In February of 2014 she was diagnosed with mid stage Alzheimer's. She could no longer be trusted to take medicine on her own, and me living so far away (and others unwillingness to step in) made it a requirement that we get someone to do her medicine twice a day as required by the Rx. The expense was $5,587.99 per month via Northland PACE... insane for the service rendered, but what can you do. They also took her to Dr. appointments and what-not, and it allowed me to be the grandson rather than the caregiver - although I was still the life and financial manager.
In order to pay for this, I began having to sell off assets. I sold some land, surrendered a life insurance policy, and an annuity. Most of the life insurance policy, which was around $20,000, and the land sale, which was around $22,000, will go to her care and to some much needed repairs on her house. The annuity came to $39,000, and it was decided I should take that. Grandma had no knowledge of this, but her daughter, my mother, thought I should have this for all I had done, and would do. I agreed that would be enough to cover anything I do forever, regardless of how long, as I felt it was more than generous.
So as time has gone on, I have paid her bills out of her account, and given on two occassions, $1,000 to grandmas cousin, who lives near her, for the purpose of a kitty fund to go and get groceries as needed and what-not.
We are to a point now though, where making the app for Medicaid may be coming down the pike. I have come to educate myself in the meantime somewhat about how that system works, and I have 3 major concerns.
1. What about the money given to me from the annuity? How does this work with the agreement we had for my compensation - which was written before the POA, but the compensation for me was not included within the POA document itself.
2. What about the money given to the cousin to tend to groceries and things?
3. I have my monies in 4 places. Grandma's generation had money in like 30 places. I have seen savings bonds for small amounts, life insurances for $2,000 or less, etc. I think I have it all accounted for, but Grandma is a pack-rat. What happens if after I file the medicaid app, I find something else in her house from a company that has changed ownership 3 times in the last 50 years for a policy or savings that I did not know about now? Is that fraud? Will I go to jail?
I feel like I would have helped Grandma regardless of money, and money was never my idea. But I took it, and used it when my wife and I bought our house. I thought this was OK. I also confess that I feel a little bit justified in this since I have multiple aunts and two sisters who live in the same city as Grandma but don't do anything to help her, ever. Nor does my dad, who is her former son in law (parents are divorced) but who also got loads of free child care from Grandma in the past when my one sister got pregnant 3 times. He's retired now, and doesn't even take those kids to see her anymore, even though he's two miles away from her.
So, apart from the questions above, the other comment I wanted to make is this; I am filled with hate and disgust at my family members who do nothing to help, nor even make an effort to visit. It is consuming me to the point I want to sever ties with them completely. Has anyone else experienced this, and what did you do?
We are in the state of ND, FYI.