Meddling relatives.

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Since or if you placed your elderly loved one in ALS or a nursing home. did you have to contend with opposition from meddling relatives such as a niece, cousin. etc. I just had to confront my mothers niece who opposes me putting my mother in ASL. She lives in another town so I confronted by phone. I told her off in uncertain terms and let her know that she the niece and the daughter and she could not override by putting ideas into my mothers head. I threaten to bar her from visiting as well as intercepting her letters. This so called "niece" has never done much for my mother and now she wants to put on the judgemental act.


the most gracious poa permits different family members to flip out in their own way ( s ) . i always retired to my bedroom when visitors would come to see my mom . the niece might be annoying the h*ll out of you but if thats indeed what shes trying to do your making it easy for her . you cant control nieces yap or your moms thoughts even if its making things harder for you . mom might turn on you for being too controlling .
The question, is niece simply ststing contrary opinions to others or is she upsetting your mom? She entitled to her opinion wrong or right. But if she's confusing your mom, i would be in touch with the facility social worker about how to handle visitors who might be upsetting to your mom.

There are folks who like to stir the pot. Don't give her any notice or feed her negative energy. If you need to, say sweetly, i rather like having my mom tended by professionals who know what they're doing, not a rank amateur like me.
@babalou. Yes this niece is confusing her with a letter that stated that she did not have to be there and she is upset that she is in there. Went as far to say that if I did not want to see about her, she would see about her. I called with the intention of being civil, and told her that she was entitled to her opinion but she could not control what I did with my mother. Even in conversation with me, she was disrespectful and I did not say sweet things. She is entitled to to her opinion but she cannot take it to another level by confusing my mother with lies. I won't stand for it.
@Captain. Not trying to control but I will not allow her to put ideas in my mothers head. This niece took it to another level and she was dead wrong. My mother may not like it but it won't be the first time she has turned on me. I am all that she has. Her relatives are welcomed to come and see her but not confuse with verbal or letters that give her false hope.
You're going to need to have a thick skin on this, and just keep plugging away doing what's best for your mom. Here's what I've learned after years of the relatives -
-While your cousins may not have done much for your mom, they still may genuinely love her. It may be hard for them to see her aged related decline. My mom is like an icon with my cousins - they're having a hard time accepting that their rock is now this frail lady. They're going to believe what they choose to believe, no matter what you say so you need to come up with a couple sentences to say, calmly. Acknowledge her love for your mom then a brief statement about your mom's need for more care.
-a few relatives of mine are drama queens, which may make me nuts, but my mom loves them and the drama. Sure their calls may get her "wilded up" but she loves it. It's a pain to deal with the fallout but I'm not getting between Ma and the kinfolk. I'd recommend you consider doing the same .... picking your battles.
-when you're doing everything you can to help care for your mom, that is the thing that helps you ignore what's being said by others in the wings. Throw it off.
@Linda22. When I put my mother in ASL I was very cordial in calling all her relatives to speak with her. I wanted her to engage with her relatives. However, I will not abide with the ditch digging. For the niece to write a letter to my mother and tell her that she would take care of her if I didn't want to take care of her was simply vicious and mean and I had to confront the niece on this. She went to far.
Was that offer to care for mom genuine? Tell niece to do things on the up and up and pursue legal Guardianship with a lawyer or else be out of Dodge by sundown. I would certainly alert the ALF to keep an eye on her interactions with mom and absolutely not allow niece to take her off the site.

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