The martyr parent & caregiver.
My mom (a retired LPN with just enough medical knowledge to be (dangerous)75, cares for my 85yo dad who is mentally sharp but declining physically. She has hidden important information from me (I'm POA) lately about her own illnesses. They refuse any help- for chores, grass cutting, snow shovelling- don't trust anyone & I'm disabled & can't do it either. Dad has lost 10lbs in the last yr (many dental issues-caps falling off, refuses dentures) & is (non insulin dependent) diabetic, so mom restricts his diet. I finally got her to give him Boost supplements! I'm distraught that she still has complete control over his care (I'm an RN) & has become defensive when I've attempted to guide her/make suggestions. She hobbles around & is putting off necessary hip surgery that she needs while acting as the martyr in pain. Any suggestions? They did agree to have emergency touch monitors installed after another sibling fought with them over the holidays.