How many of us caregivers have said I LOVE YOU today?

Started by

And how many of you have siblings that havent said I Love You in ages??


I've gotta tell you, I love you are three words that don't exist in my family, love was something that was implied and demonstrated through actions.
On the other hand my SIL and her mother were constantly trading I love yous, but due to extreme family dysfunction they haven't spoken in years.
Funny you bring this up now. My friend and I were just having this conversation. I don't know if it is a generational thing but neither her parents nor mine were big "I love you" people. I describe my mother as distant. She never told me she loved me and I have no recollection of her hugging me or snuggling me as a child. She expressed her love by providing food on the table and a comfortable house.

On the other hand, I tell my kids that I love them between 1 - 100 times a day. We exchange hugs, snuggles and (for the 14 year old boy) horseplay.

About a year ago, my mother, during an extra messy poop cleanup, said "I love you" to me. It was the only time in my life that I recall her ever saying those words to me. I didn't say it back and probably never will.
My father and I bumped heads throughout our life. I always admired him for the genius of a man he was but he had bad communication skills. Finally, when he was about 75, he said something rude that he thought was funny but I certainly did not. I said to my Pops, When you pass away, do you want me to feel your loss or say, Oh well, Mom will miss him. The look on my fathers face and the tear that welled up in the corner of his eye, spoke volumes. From that moment on, my dad and I were best friends.
So, what I'm trying to say is, sometimes our parents don't know how to express their feelings. My friend says if her parents were more like you the way you are with your children, things in her life may have been different. She didn't want any kids. That speaks volumes. She asked me to write how much she admires a mother like you
Thank you for asking this question. I have to say my experience is closer to the first two replies. In my family we never expressed or showed our emotions. In our culture there is a lot of restraint and reserve.

I desperately wished now I had told my dad before he passed how much I cherished and loved him. I wanted to thank him so much for being a good dad to me and my siblings. I hope he knew how much I cared. I tried to show it through my actions. I managed the household, the yard, the finances, all his care after his stroke. I don't think I did enough, but I hope he knew.

It was today.
Spent 2 hrs with my stubborn, hard to show feelings type of guy dad at doc today.  Sure there was some frustration during that time for me... I am slowly learning how to deal with the role reversal type of thing differently and choosing to cherish the moments I have left with my funny, bullheaded, ?early dementia?, mentally exhausting dad.  I took  him back home to assisted-living just in time for supper.   Walking into the dining room with him he sits down at a table with several men who have became like the type of "coffee-shop" guys you see.  I gave him a hug and told him I loved him. He patted my hand and said, "I love you too", and cried a little bit. When I looked up all the men were watching.  My dad is legally blind from diabetes and did not know the attention was on he and I.  If he could see, dad would've been embarrassed.  He can see well enough to interact there at the table with his friends with friends.  I have always been the one to approach my dad to give him a hug or tell him I love him, after many years of wondering why he was like that and making myself crazy with questions about it I finally just excepted that that's the way he was.  At first giving him hugs felt very awkward, like I was hugging a board but now he is loosening up and I am thoroughly enjoying feeling that hug back, there's nothing like it. So,yesterday, when I did that in front of his friends while they were watching it felt so good for some reason it's hard to explain. The power of touch is amazing.  The look in my dad's friends eyes was almost like disbelief, wow, is that tough guy over there really shedding a tear and saying I love you to his daughter? My two adult children, husband and I hug and say I love you every day and sometimes more....
Every day. Every day I tell my Gram she is amazing and I love her. Sometimes I know that she understood, other times I just know she heard me. So blessed!

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support