Mad about mom's mail!

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Yep, I am fed up with my mom's mail situation. When my dad was alive, my parents were always very generous--giving to reputable charities regularly; but since Mom's been diagnosed with dementia, she's donated (by check) to various "charities" and political entities who've unfortunately sold her name to others. She's donated money and paid for magazine subscriptions that she has no business ordering ("Country Living"---she's always been a city girl!...."Taste of Home"---she doesn't even remember how to cook anymore! AND here's the kicker: she's been receiving "Rolling Stone" magazine---OMGosh! LOL, for sure!) She just doesn't realize what she's doing; that her money is not going to the good old reputable charities from her past giving. Now her mailbox is jammed full of "bad mail" at least every few days---and the overflow mail goes behind the counter at the check-in desk at Mom's place of residence---for me to pick up when I visit! I've already talked with the management at her assisted living facility and had them change her mailbox number so that only my Mom and I have keys. The post office and everyone else still think that she has access to her old P.O. number. I am only able to visit my Mom about once a week---I have the key to her old mailbox, so I go through her mail and "weed" out the bad stuff from the "good". Most every week, there is only bad mail----and TONS of it!! Over 3 months ago, I filled out the opt-out form on the direct marketing association website, and she is STILL getting all of this junk mail! I am so frustrated by these pathetic political schemers and money-grabbers that prey on the innocent elderly. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I can eliminate all this disgusting mail? By the way, my sisters who have POA, were able to change her checking account over to just a savings account, so Mom won't be able to send any more checks when the money runs out of her checking account. I feel bad because my sisters and I, as well as the employees at her residence have had to lie to my mom that the Post Office was responsible for changing her mailbox number. She was extremely mad about the whole thing, initially; but I think that since she hasn't received all that mail, she is sort of beginning to forget about it. I know that God will forgive us for having to finagle around the mail and money situations--we are just trying to protect our mother from those awful buzzards who would love nothing better than to receive more of the money that my dad worked so hard to provide for my Mom's care after his passing. Which, by the way--she's 86, and in pretty good health other then the dementia, thankfully! P.S. My sisters and I have agreed that we don't want to change her mail to come to any of our homes, because we'd still be in the same situation---getting all of that nasty junk mail in our own boxes!
I am tempted to start sending the junk mail back to the people who sent it, but I'm not sure if that is an option? If you have any suggestions, please let me know. I would also like to hear of anyone else who's been in this situation, and how it's been resolved---if at all. Thanks!! Sincerely, MaMM

15 Comments

MaMM86, there is nothing wrong with "theraputic fibs" when it benefits the person. So telling Mom it was the Post Office that changed her address, that is perfectly ok, and it was a great idea.

Sadly there is no way to stop all of this mail asking for $$$ donations. One doesn't need to be elderly to have this happen. I just toss that mail into the recycling.

Now, if only I could stop the robo calling, enough already !!!  And now it has started on a cellphone :P

Yep, I'd put as much as I could of it back in the postage-paid envelopes they provide and send it back.
Hi,
I totally understand your frustration. My mother was 99 and still getting solicitation calls and pleas for money in the mail. It even continues after she died!
It sounds like there is an enormous quantity of junk mail. Maybe go to the local post office, ask to speak with a supervisor and inquire as to suggestions?
They know what a waste of effort it is for their letter carriers to deliver basically garbage. Maybe they have a partial solution that we lay people do not have access to?
Good luck!
Margaret
These people are the scum of the earth. My 87 yr old mom doesn't have dementia (dad does) but she's getting a little foggy these days. She feels so guilty if she doesn't send money cause they send her all these trinkets and trash.

It is a constant battle. I control all the money except for one checking account and I can monitor that one. When I visit I quietly gather up all the junk mail and the trinkets and trash and dispose of  the junk. Mom will get upset about the trinkets but I tell her I'm giving the stuff to so and sos kids. She likes that.

I've also trained my adult nephews to toss the crap we they come over.  They're great. Mom called me one day just amazed that J tossed all her mail in the trash.  I played dumb then sent him $50 for gas money as a gesture of my appreciation.

Ya just have to do what has to be. I'd Rather have dear old mom a little miffed than broke.
One enormous relief for me when mom moved to Assisted Living was she left the junk mail at her old address. Yes she thought she was obligated to pay for all those trashy "gifts". I asked her if the local Wal-Mart started delivering unordered items, should she pay?  Couldn't get through to her. The house is still there so I retrieve/toss mail once a week. I notified all her doctors and friends to send letters and bills to my address in care of. Changed address for the one magazine she actually reads and let the rest expire. I got most of her bills on autopay including her church tithes. I did not stop the mail at her old house and I figure the mail carrier delivering the junk daily makes it seem occupied. Love using it like that.
Some years ago I had a person tell me that instead of putting whatever into their prepaid envelope and sending it back, he would mix things up a bit. He would put X's stuff into Y's envelope and have a good laugh thinking of the confusion on the other end. Sounded like a good plan to me.
Just imagine the credit card company getting the solicitation for cremation or cryogenic services.
My favorite was the psychic who sent a letter a couple months after my brother died offering to help him "have the best year of [his] life"
My Aunt died and we had a yard size trash bag to pick up at the post office. Psychic letter mail was hilarious to read. Some of the envelopes on the outside said go into the kitchen to open this letter. Then you pull it out and there was a" prayer " mat. Um...this was a paper placemat from a restaurant. It would say kneel down and face North. What kind of far-fetched crapola was that? While very funny reading, we were horrified that older people really get that junk in the mailbox! It made me sad and furious at the same time.
Good story Boot SG. Years ago a buddy of mine send my name and address to a crazy tv preacher as a joke. For years after I would get mailings with bizarre "Prayer AIDS". My fav were paper insoles the good reverend had blessed. Of course you had to send him money to get them activated by a special payer, but then you'd be safe from all evil.
Hahaha! Good one Windy! You the man. Blessed insoles oh "Mother of Pearl!"

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