I just lost my mom and I am very depressed.
My mom, who was 88 years old, just passed away on 12-6-16. I was extremely close to her and more so during the last two years when I became one of her caregivers. In June of 2014, she fell and suffered injuries to her right hand foot, requiring 24 hour assistance. I was a very busy vascular surgeon at the time and I then began to work part-time to care for my mom. Before leaving for work, I would always eat breakfast with her. I would arrive from work in the afternoon and would not leave her side until she went to sleep. Whenever she would need help to go to the bathroom at night, I would wake up and help her. It did not matter what time of the night it was. I also helped bathe her on weekends. I also interviewed multiple caregivers during this time. I must have hired several and fired several as well. My mom was in her usual state of health until June of this year when she was diagnosed with endocarditis. She received 8 weeks of antibiotics but the infection and the sequelae weekend my mom tremendously. She then began to become very anxious and would not sleep for days at a time, sometimes up to 3. We had to start administering benzodiazapenes and melatonin to calm her down so that she could sleep. She became weaker and weaker and died in my arms on 12-6 as I was changing her. I watched her take her last breath. And now this pain of losing my mom is horrible. This separation is killing me. We were so close. She was my purpose for living. I have this sense of emptiness in my heart with no enthusiasm for life. I just cannot imagine living without her. She was so loving and kind and cared deeply for people.