I thought I was alone when it came to losing my mother-daughter relationship from caregiving.

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My mother moved in with us 2 years ago. She always has been very self-centered. My father did everything for her. She expected everything she wanted and he gave it to her. Now living with me, she is very demanding and wants what she wants when she wants it. She has said some very nasty things to me that have been very hurtful. I have shed many tears. I do have one sister but she is mentally not well and can't take care of herself, so, I am alone. My husband travels for his job and so I deal with this mostly alone. She doesn't let me have any kind of a life, if I have time for myself then I should be doing something for her. I hate to have the feelings that I have. I don't have a mother-daughter relationship anymore. It is a queen and her servant. I am getting to the point that I don't even like her anymore and I cringe when I hear her walker coming. I do not like this feeling.


Bless your heart. I start getting upset just thinking about a visit to my queen mother. I don't like having to justify the feelings I have about her. Perhaps I wish there were other options, but a normal loving relationship with her is impossible, since she never was that way, and with declining cognitive issues, will probably never be. I grieve daily. Have you seen the thread called "I love my mother but don't like her?" I think you'll find many struggle with these same issues. You aren't alone here. So glad you decided to share. Keep coming back, and hang in there. I pray you find the love and encouragement you need here.
seam, be proud of what you are doing , my geuss is a lot of our siblings that are capable, metnally would never cope. Be strong, when a little times comes along for you GRASP IT, you need it and certainlly deserve it, no one can possiblly take crap all day long and still always have love all you really need is love god bless...sandy
Seam, just know you are not alone. The people here are angels and very supportive. Here you will not be judged, criticized, or yelled at, we promise.
Oh sweet Seam, what an interesting name. Reminds me of keeping two sides pulled together to work as one. Interesting.

Anyway, welcome aboard. Start reading threads and like Anne suggested, its a hot thread when it comes to dealing with mother's selfishness. I hope you can find some encouragement there too.

May you finding healing and comfort while giving care to someone within your family. Plenty here have many stories to share and a lifetime of comfort! Welcome!
Thank you so much for you help. Just knowing there are others that understand is very comforting. I am so glad that I found this.
Sean2-Welcome you have come to a great place- it is easier to deal with things when you know you are not alone and I hope you can somehow get some time for yourself and if you can try to find a caregivers support group in your area-you can check with your local hospital if not continus to post you will find great friends here who care about you.
Sean, my mothers is EXACTLY the same. She always has been very self-centered. My father did everything for her. She expected everything she wanted and he gave it to her. She has said some very nasty things to me and my childrent that have been very hurtful. Most recently, she had my son in tears and now is demanding that he call her and apologize!! My husband is not very supportive and I have no siblings, so all of her demands are on me. Just as you, she is the Queen and I am the servant. She doesn't want me have any kind of a life. We have only been on one family vacation in the last 10 years, because she demands that she goes with us, and I can't stand to haver her with us, so we just don't go. I hate to have the feelings that I have. I don't have a mother-daughter relationship anymore. My mother does not live with us, thank the lord, but she calls multiple times per day and if I don't answer, she tracks me down demanding to know where I am and why I didn't tell her. I find taht I make up lies so that she doesn't guilt me for not taking her along. I understand the not liking those feelings, I hate them, but she has caused this by years of taking and taking from us all. If she were to come over and laugh with us or listen to OUR stories, instead of crying, screaming and feeling sorry for herself, she would find that we all (including her) would be much happier, but I don't think that is in our future. Take care and know taht you are not alone.
Dear dede, here is a big hug for you! I wish my Mom was still here. I miss her so much, she was my best friend, and died when she was only 51. I always want to say to people when they complain about their mother's, at least you still have your mother, but when I read these posts I'm not so sure. Being in the caregiver position instead of the care receiver puts things in a whole different perspective, for daughters, as well as sons. Hugs to you all! Naus
Nauseated. It is so nice that you had your mother as your best friend. That is something that I always wished that I had. But, my mother has always resented me. She hated being pregnant, she hated the birthing process and because my father is the one that wanted a baby, not her, she has always resented me as well. But, now, I am supposed to pay her back for giving birth to me, although she recently told me that she wished I had never been born.. wasn't that a nice thing to say? I feel that all I do is think about her and worry about the next phone call and what horrible thing she will have to say about me or my family. But she wants to know when she can over and see the kids again. I am in such a quandry, because I know I need to have her over and I will never the hear the end of it until I do, but she makes my kids so unhappy... It is very difficult... I just wish I could live my own life without always worrying and wondering about her.
Who says you have to have her over? At whose expense? And why do you have to hear it? I'm not suggesting abandonment. Do all you can to help her, but only from a distance. Worry? Why? Love her, yes. Pray for her and yourself? Definitely. Thank God for the good daughters. Those who scale the walls of bitterness and hate. We couldn't do this without God's help. But we need to remember to protect ourselves and our families from undue pain and abuse. Set your limits boldly. It's not a sin, and it's not a crime, though feeding the fleshly monster of resentment and evil clearly is. Be strong, and cry out to the One who sees and knows your heartache. Mom is hurting, and taking it out on you. Compassion, love and understanding needed. Perhaps some pity, too. But know you're admired by all of us here, and deeply loved by God and us too.

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