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and opened the lockbox. He all of a sudden acted like he just had a moment of clarity and was shocked I locked his guns up. I was not going to stop him we would have had a physical fight. I am not ready for that but when I am I will pursue the guns again. If I can keep him in a good mood until tomorrow at 10am to sign the POA papers then all hell can break loose for all I care now. I have about had it.

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Most people just don't get it. If you aren't with the person with dementia, caring for them, protecting them, seeing how they have changed, observing the acting out, dealing with it first hand, etc. you can't really fathom it. I had no idea, until my cousin was effected. Of course, when you have a family member telling you exactly what is going on, I don't know how you can dispute or ignore it. And if someone TRIED to make me feel guilty......well......I don't think they would try that.
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I worry about OP too. In my neighborhood, a husband with severe dementia killed his wife. They were the most loving couple before he was ill. She was getting frightened because he was often hostile didn't always recognize her. Adult children made her feel guilty about moving him into care. This is something not acknowledged about caregiving. People suffering from dementia cannot exercise good judgement and should not have access to weapons. Caregiving is hard enough.
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I do think of TaraJane, who posted quite a bit about her husband who was progressing with dementia. I think they were both rather young too. Then, she posted that they were moving, buying a farm or something out of state. I never saw any more posts about what happened. I hope all is well. I do worry though.
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Your future safety will likely require him to move to a memory care facility. You are doing your best but do not risk your own physical or mental health.
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Sorry Cwillie, I did not notice that. These old questions come up at the bottom of the posts and I see a new person is the one who revived the thread. My apologies.
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This thread is TWO YEARS OLD and we haven't heard from tarajane since almost that long ago.
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Do you have children/grands who hunt? You could give the guns to the kids "for safekeeping" which would 1) allay his fears that the guns have been stolen, and 2) distribute his beloved belongings to his heirs in the way he would want. You can always say, "You remember how you wanted soandso to have that over and under. Well, with the increase in crime, it's safer in her gun safe than in our rack, so I told her to come get it. You can still use it next time you go hunting, but until then it's safely locked up."

Until that day, there are bright orange shotgun and pistol trigger locks that our sheriffs give away to people who need them. Inquire! They can only be taken off with the key and because they are "high viz" the police can see that they are protected - like the orange caps on toy guns.
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Ahhh! Gladimhere! Make a person with dementia POA? No!
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I respectfully suggest that you -- sell those guns, and tell him you had to have the money to take care of him. Get a big new lock on the door, and tell him, this is what old people do, honey, we use locks to defend our castle.
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MamaWulf why are you suggesting disabling the guns if the cops see him armed if they ever come to his house they will shoot him no questions asked that would be my reaction if I had someone pointing a gun at me and I didn't know it was disabled I'm sorry if I have to be rude but cops are trained to defend themselves and will react on that training
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I'd get a safe bolted to the garage floor that he can't open and put the guns in there. Make sure they aren't loaded if he "needs" them. Disabling them is also a good idea. I didn't know that could be done.
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I have to agree with Josue. if you alert them to the possibility of him being armed, they will approach with weapons drawn, ready to initiate fire. Law enforcement frequently escalates things. They have very little training in de-escalation techniques.
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why is everyone suggesting disabling the guns if the cops see him armed if they ever come to your house they will shoot him no questions asked that would be my reaction if I had someone pointing a gun at me and I didn't know it was disabled I'm sorry if I have to be rude but cops are trained to defend themselves and will react on that training
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tara, how did you make out at lawyers?
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Sandwich, I wish these things were carried more nationally on the news. That too, would raise awareness on what this disease does. We had a man with dementia in a facility here, had a roommate, got mad at the roommate about knowbody knew what, but beat his roommmate to death. Maybe a thread should be started to document the things we hear about from other areas of the country.
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We just had a case go to court here in MN where a father with dementia shot his son to death over a TV. Better to act aggressively with safety in mind and let the person be mad about it than to end up at your own funeral over a very sad accident.
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Tara, I think you need to alert the attorney's office tomorrow before you come. Unless they're aware he has some anger issues, they won't be prepared. If something happens and he becomes violent, they have a right to know and take precautions ahead of time. The attorney might have additional staff in the conference room for signing, or someone there just as an alert to quickly escape and call for assistance if he becomes angry. Generally, a receptionist would be alerted ahead of time as well.
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Oh my goodness. You poor dear. And poor hubby. If he were in his right mind, wouldn't he be appalled at his behavior?

But the critical thing now is to ensure your own safety.

Good luck at the lawyer's office tomorrow. Please keep us informed. We are thinking of you and hoping for the best.
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Keep up posted Tarajane as we are interested. I took Pop's gun to a gun dealer who agreed to sell it and I called the cops who came and got all the ammo. Dangerous situation for you, please be careful.
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All are helpful answers but I have to keep him "level" until 10 am in the morning to sign the POA papers. THEN I will once again address the guns. His sundowners is getting worse. Now, at 4:27pm he is crying and saying he is falling to pieces and wants an Ativan. That will bring him back down to where he needs to be. So I gave him one and he's ok. I think he needs that second Med Namenda. I am going to call his memory care nurse in the morning. Also probably his GP..Thanks to all.....
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Tara, is the disabled shoulder on the side on which he shoots? If so, he's even more dangerous now than if his shoulder were stable. He won't even be able to aim, and no telling what he'll hit.
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Are you signing your POA documents too? You certainly should, remember you can change it at any time. You may have to make hubby your POA at least temporarily in order to gain his trust.
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Tara, you had a hunch locking up of the guns was going to cause a problem, it appears you were very correct. Are you still waiting to decide on the shoulder surgery? Definitely get him to rehab immediately following. Use that time to ensure your safety, whatever that means. Disabling the guns, working with social worker to find appropriate permament placement for him. One way or the other you need to protect yourself. Had I been you, I would have left the house, and called 911. The policewould have taken him in just based on how you have described his irrational and threatening behavior.
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tarajane, I am keeping my fingers crossed that your hubby will be in clear mind to be able to sign a new Power of Attorney.

Just a word of warning so you are not surprised, if hubby isn't in clear mind when you are with the Attorney, the Attorney has the power to not have your hubby sign any type of legal documents.

As for the firearms, those who grew up with firearms have a real attachment to them so removing said items from the house could result in a major battle, and cause fear for your husband thinking he cannot defend his home.... I agree with those who said get the firearms "disabled". He can still hold the guns, put in the bullets, but the firearm won't work if he pulls the trigger.
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Tarajane- I am so sorry, what a terrible event you experienced! Please stay safe until tomorrow, then have someone pick up the guns, maybe when you both are out to avoid confrontation?If he throws a fit when he finds out tell him so and so has them for safe keeping or the police would have taken them.Sounds like it might be time for you to consider a facility...memory care as said above, he may go onto to something else...knives who knows? I know it is hard but honey YOUR safety is #1!!! Hugs, strength and love to you!
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Absolutely get them out of the house or at least deactivated. Is there no facility for him? Anything can be a weapon...even bare hands! Take care of you.
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Stay safe. I pray things go well.
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Tara, has anyone disabled the guns? If not, ask the police if they can do it - I think they just remove the firing pins but I'm not sure.
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Yes, stay safe! And try to keep those guns unloaded. What if you had called 911 and the police came and your husband had his guns out? You need to get those guns out of there!! And if you haven't done it already, I'd notify the police that your husband has dementia, so they're prepared if they're called.
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Oh Tara. No advice, just hugs and support. Stay safe.
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