Living with guilt after losing my Mom.
My mom passed away in hospital from aspiration pneumonia. She lived in nursing home for two years with dementia confined to a wheelchair. For the best part of her being in the nursing home I would spend from when she woke up until she went to bed with her and I don't regret that. Most of the time I would wheel her around throughout the nursing home.or sit with her watching tv. I would hold her hand kiss her on the forehead or on the cheek at night before she would go to bed I would read verses from the bible and pray with my mom. Then there was those times where I would get frustrated or angry and not know what I was doing almost like I had gone insane where I would say rude things to her or slap her even go as far as bend her hand back but not understand why I would. I don't get or understand why I did these things, I feel like I should be locked up and have the key thrown away. I did when these things happened say I was sorry and yet I still did them. Right now I can't blame anyone for not understanding, but I don't even understand because my mom was everything to me and in my right mind I know I would not have done these things. I'm truly trying to understand me and can't. I couldn't even tell her before she died how much I truly do love her because of the dementia.