Living with my Dad, threatens to walk out to street. He is hurting me as his immigration petitioner.

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Last four years he was bed ridden now he walks visit friends and on dialysis but he won't even warm his own food it makes it had for me to even work or travel now he is strong,walks slow but can do he is refusing to do any of ADL and bad mouthing how he lives in a bad situation over the phone and affairs with women he talks highly about my mother and family values even though all his life he had cheated on his marriage I offered him to go back he is refusing to go back home in africa and am finacially straining him all in all he hates my husband been An immigrant he can't get full medical so I buy all his medicine but gets free dialysis.when I bring the topic about anything he says he is about to die anyway and he is going to walk on the street and die,and having young kids its taking toll of my life


Wow. This sounds complicated and difficult. My heart goes out to you.

You petitioned to have your father come to the US. He apparently doesn't/can't work, and he is living with you. Is that right? He is not entitled to various medical benefits and you are supporting him financially, at some strain to you.

He is disrespectful of you when talking to other people, and you find him hypocritical about family values. It isn't pleasant to have him there. He refuses to return to his home country. He expects to be waited on.

Is this a correct summary?

Let me start with just one little piece. Stop waiting on him. Stop warming his food if he can do it himself. Stop doing anything for him that he can do himself. It sounds like his health has improved dramatically. Great! He must take responsibility for his ADLs to the extent that his health allows. If you continue to wait on him, you are just enabling his poor behavior. I don't mean to say never help him or always expect him to be self-sufficient. Just don't do for him what he reasonably can do for himself.

Does he have family back home that he could return to?
"when I bring the topic about anything he says he is about to die anyway and he is going to walk on the street and die"

my mother has been using this same phrase a lot lately. i try to talk to her about something. next thing i know she is opening the front door, announcing she wants to 'go for a walk around the block'. it is about three miles around, there are no sidewalks, not much traffic but this neighborhood has a constant problem with people speeding thru here using the roads as a shortcut. the latest police estimate is 29% of vehicles going over the speed limit.

so my interpretation of this comment is she wants to walk the streets, with the hope and/or intention of bringing harm to herself, by 'accident' with a motor vehicle.

normally this would sound far fetched, but my mother was recently released from a mental hospital. the intake diagnosis was suicidal depression, the discharge diagnosis was dementia/major depressive disorder.

when a senior make a threat to take to the streets i now interpret it as a suicide threat. i would call 800 number suicide prevention hotline to start with. they were very helpful with comments about how to handle this situation.

God bless, and please come back here to talk some more if you need anyone to speak with, i know it helps for me. very few people want to talk about this sort of thing, even here.
Yes,he has two surviving wives and 9 other kids without counting me,one of them was my sister who moved out of state because she could not stand him but no matter what I stood strong by him.And thanks for 800 number it will really help me.
I got him a ride to take him to dialysis since he decided not to talk to my husband who have drove him to n from clinic last 3 yrs.

Who should be the best person to talk to him about going back?he put this way...If you want me to go just pack my stuff and I will stay in the streets and tell the goverment or who ever will ask me I have no place to live so they can help him or wait to die
"Who should be the best person to talk to him about going back?"
" I offered him to go back he is refusing to go back home in africa"

i think i get it now. it sounds like you need help to have him sent home. i would start with the same authorities responsible for his paperwork to have him come here in the first place. surely they have rules for this sort of thing.

assuming you get the proper paperwork, then there's the issue of how do you physically force someone against their will. with the proper paperwork it should be easier to get help from law enforcement to have him sent back home. i don't know the details, but i do know around here people who are here illegally get sent back all the time, and law enforcement does sometimes get involved.

if he is here legally, and you can't get the paperwork to have him returned, you're in a mess. what do you do, watch him walk out the door with his possessions. then what do the police do, send him back to your home? i would assume if you don't accept him back into your home you have a right to refuse, but with him on dialysis and needing medications that's not an option.

some people here, and elsewhere, suggest taking loved one to a hospital emergency room, dropping them off, don't return to pick him up. that's one way to get the social service system involved, dump it in their lap so to speak.
Now he made it very clear he want live alone and not going back,he has my mum to send him money for around $1000 a month which i know will come with strain for a room/food but I suggest for him a senior living like group homes he said no he needs no surpevision now am doing his will
You just call Immigration and resign your sponsorship of him. They will do the rest.

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