Living in Misery.

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My mother, who is 91 and in fairly good health, lives with me for the last 10 years. I'm not happy about it and only took her in out of guilt. I have 3 brothers who can't be bothered and we never hear from them. I work full time, thank God, as it gets me out of the house. I could not bear to be home all day with my mother and her miserable disposition. She's never happy, I never do anything right, she complains constantly about the beautiful new home we just moved into because it's smaller and she can't have as much "crap" as she had before. She should be grateful she has not only her own bedroom, but her own bathroom and a den. And she also has a car which is parked in a garage. What more does she want? She wants all my space too! She's so difficult to be with that I try to limit the time spent with her but then she complains I don't spend any time with her. Who wants to be with such a negative person?
Thanks for listening, I know there are others far worse off than me.


Just to say I am listening, and I hear you. It can get a girl down, can't it? - assuming you are a girl, apologies if that's a wrong assumption.

I don't know how you break free of those feelings. Lots of different things help different people, and it's certainly good that you have an absorbing job to get you out of the house. But all the same, the burden of somebody else's unhappiness does indeed weigh heavy and I feel for you. Keep posting.
Bittersweet, it does sound like you've been putting up with a lot of negative in the last 10 years. It can really wear you down. If you're like me, you feel guilty for not spending more time with your mother, but doing that would make it unbearable for you. Sometimes it feels like a game of waiting, never knowing how long the wait will be. Wouldn't it be nice if our mothers were pleasant and fun to be around? It would be great to laugh and kid around.
Has your mom ever been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist? She sounds depressed.
Yes, I'd try to find out what is going on with her. Does she suffer from depression, bi-polar, dementia, etc. Or does she have a personality disorder, such as narcissism?

Some people are just rude and obnoxious. I get that. I'd figure it out and then make my life better by either having her get help or finding her other living arrangements.

I'm not going to live in my own home with a person that is that difficult. I'm a patient person, but once I've reached my saturation point, that's it. I would have to do what was right for me and have peace with it. But, if you aren't like me and want to vent here, that's fine too. That's why this place is here. It's been a life safer for me. Sometimes, it's the only thing we can do.

Do you have any help with your mom or does she care for herself?
It sounds like you are both miserable. Is there a senior day time service she could attend? Maybe she needs to socialize with others her age and participate in some activities. Or maybe it is time she has another living arrangement where she can be attended to and have others - assisted living or something like that. Then you can visit and look forward to seeing her and being her daughter, not dreading coming home to your own house. It has to be awful for you both.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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