I live with my 86-year-old mom. She is very mean, stubborn and rude.

Are you living with her? Or do you live in different places? There are a couple of reasons that you may be getting the brunt of her moods. If you're a daughter, it is one reason. Older women tend to treat sons better than daughters. It may be because they feel more comfortable sounding off to same-sex offspring. A good example of this is my own mother, who treats my brothers like gold and me as the stray neighborhood dog. :) I catch the brunt of her foul tempers, while she is all smiles to my brothers. The other reason is that parents are often hardest on the ones who help the most. Maybe this is because the ones who aren't there can be idealized in their minds. The one close by gets to be the keeper of the blame.

Are these things fair? No. They can be infuriating. But at least we know it is them and not us.

Time for a vacay if you can swing it, even a few days with friends. Let Brother know you are leaving ( if he doesn;t talk to you email him, save it).. and get away for a few days. Give her something to b*tch about and him some wake up moments. I can;t see any way you can get her evaluated without getting the backlash as things now stand. Do you live her because she asked for help, or because of something in your own life? Do you work away from the home? My Mom is also 86, and I am 58 and still work ( she lives with hubs and I) so I am thinking you are about my age. You will continue to be steamrolled as long as you allow it, and you deserve better.. your still pretty young and deserve better treatment. If she can still write checks and do well with that... you can afford to let her blow off steam to an empty room for a while! Or to your brother... Take care of yourself once in awhile!