Live-in mother-in-law needs more care than we can deliver.
My 81-year old mother-in-law resides with myself, my wife (her daughter) and our three young sons (ages 7 and 5 year old twins). She has Parkinsons Disease which has progressively affected her mobility. Her health has declined to the point where she either wants, or needs, almost around-the-clock care. She is a serious fall risk, has incontinence issues, sleeps most of the time, and only really walks to come to the table for meals. She uses a walker but should probably be in a wheelchair, which she has refused. She does not interact with our family, does not speak to any of us at meals, and treats us like we are her staff. She refuses to do anything for herself and makes us feel like we are mean if we tell her to get her own drink. She pays a caregiver during the day when we are not at home but will not consider hiring overnight or weekend care, even though she has the resources to do so. We have begun discussing the fact that she needs more care than we are capable, or qualified, to provide. I work full time with odd hours, my wife works three part-time jobs, and the boys are becoming more and more socially active with school, soccer, baseball, cub scouts, etc. We feel like we have become trapped in our own house and are denying our kids the things we've always wanted to do with them. My mother-in-law has always played the guilt card on my wife and is doing it again. Now my wife feels like we (she) did not do enough and should do more so she does not have to go to a SNF or assisted living facility. It is beginning to have a negative impact on us as a couple and as a family. My wife does have a brother who is local but other than a cordial visit now and then he has washed his hands of it. Any suggestions how we get my mother-in-law to stop driving a wedge in our family and realize that moving to a facility is the best thing for her, as well as us.