NOW, Personal Space, and Dressing

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To me, an emergency that requires me to drop whatever I am involved with, is getting my father to the toilet in my 2 min window.

Everything else, is non-emergency, and if I am cooking, cleaning, or just spending some time to myself...I should not be expected to do for him right NOW.

What is with NOW? What happened to being patient and waiting?


Since the stroke and his return home, if I receive a phone call, he will pick up the phone in his room and listen really irritates me, because its none of his business, and I will literally have to go and take the phone from him. Why? Before the stroke, he never cared, and left me to my own during calls....


Dressing to go out....

Its such a maddening affair. He has what he wants in mind, but can't explain to me what it is....Tonight, I just laid out a pile of clothes on the bed, and I'm letting him mull it over.


Greyson, my mother has dementia. Her NOW happens quite often throughout the day. Bathroom, phone, dressing, eating. My mother used to be a professional. She tries to keep herself busy. Unfortunately, her "busy" creates more mess for me to clean up and things I have to explain to her. On average, she will sit and ask me about 1 particular payment over and over again. If I get a phone call, I have to step outside the house(yes and take the other phone with me). There is no privacy here, as we live in a 1 bedroom apt. At one point, I was very ill myself and was on bed rest. She did not understand this. Did not comprehend the seriousness. It finally occurred to me that she was BORED. Her life isn't about her doing what she wants anymore or going where she wants to go, when she wants to go. I find things for her to do. Set the table for dinner, it takes her a bit and she tends to wander, but she feels useful. Get me ingredients I need. It's many little things. She loves it. I do not know what state your father is in after his stroke, but I'm sure there are things that he is still capable of. Laying his clothes out and letting him pick? My mother loves that. I don't do that with her anymore as it drove me batty too, but she loves going through her clothes and choosing without help. I spend much less time on the NOWs. Unless, of course, she's lost her remote for the 30th time that day. I sometimes think she does it on purpose, because she gets that extra human interaction she enjoys so much while I fuss. Irritating us is sometimes the only thing they have at the moment. Id rather she did a jigsaw(she's on her 2nd this month).
Hes been eager to sweep and mop....thats an option, he's bound to a wheel chair, so at least he can't slip and fall.

He wont do puzzles.

He has meds that treat Alzheimer's, and I experience a lot of confusion, I just dont know rather its the stroke or the alzheimer's thats causing it.
Just came back to my bedroom after helping my mom get my dad back on his feet after he fell on the porch. He was out taking a short walk up the street and checked the mail so his hands were full of mail pieces when he walked up the three steps to the porch. My dad is in his 80s and uses a cane when walking. His body is so stiff and he’s had several falls over the last few years (several requiring trips to the emergency room). His hands are very stiff and are locked up due to a condition brought on by diabetes. It's really stressful living with my parents (this is my second year with them) and depressing. I don't have many friends and the few I do have live very different lives. When my dad fell he landed on the porch and was crying and whining like a child. I'm sure it was scary for him. It all worked out with only a scrape on his knee. Thank goodness my mom and I were at home to help him get up. Just two days ago he was in a minor car accident. I drove him to the police station so he could report the accident. Thank goodness the police officer was very nice
While my father was in nursing care and rehab, a friend of his bought him a nice TV. When he was released, he was put on a plane and flown here, but the TV weighed too much to be on the plane.

My father was promised by my brother, that he would UPS the TV here.

He lied. My brother took said TV and brought it to his mother inlaws. And now says, it would cost the same to UPS it here, as it would to go out and just replace it. He wouldn't of had to share that burden alone, the people who gave dad the TV were perfectly willing to cover the charge of sending it to him.

I have a selfish pig as an older brother.

His idea of whats best for Dad, is tossing him into a nursing home, and wiping his hands of the situation.

Im a firm believer in Karma.

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