How to accept where our loved ones are when their lives have turned upside down with strokes.
Recently my husband of 18 yrs. had a massive stroke after having a successful quad ripple heart bypass surgery on Nov. 20th, 2012. Four days later is when he had a massive stroke. This was also the day before he was to be discharged to go home from the heart surgery.
I was devastated, and here all of a sudden our whole world was turned upside down as many of you have gone through in your situations with your love ones.
He received 21 days of therapy, physical, occupational, and speech. Even though he could still talk, his swallowing ability had been affected on the left side since this was the side of the paralysis. After the 21 days of therapy, he was sent home in which home health was in place to come in the following day to do an assessment on if he would have pt or not and other services. There was a hospital bed delivered along with a lift and other items. Little did I know then that these would not make much of a difference.
As the days began at home, my eyes were opened to the shocking truth that I was not going to be able to get my husband out of bed without someone else helping me. So, for the next four weeks, I saw my husbands abilities decline from what I saw when he was at the rehab. I felt so darn helpless. I not only battled this part of the stroke, but the hallucinations also. This was and still is worse than the physical part of the stroke. Home health was not able to give me the help I needed to see him progress, and therefore he has regressed right back if not worse, than what he was before he began his therapy treatment in the hospital before he came home.
I could not take it anymore. I told the insurance company that he needed to go back into therapy, and that he deserved better than this. He was approved, and is now in a rehab unit in a local skilled nursing home facility.
Even though I and my husband are strong believers of God's healing power and is able to perform miracles, part of me cries in the fear of not ever having his mind back as it was before the stroke. I want my husband back...and am trying to hold it together. I am 24 yrs. younger, and we have been married 18 glorious yrs. He is my life, and am now not sure if he will come out better, or the same as he went in. If he doesn't get better, I don't know what I am going to do. All the sleepless nights, and around the clock care giving which I want to be able to do I realize I can't by myself. Even if I get Hospice, there is no one to help at night which is the hardest part because of the lack of sleep. Hospice did tell me they would try to work on this part to find what would be good to allow me and him to get the rest, but I don't want to see him decline and lay in that hospital bed day after day...I just can't do this.
His name is bill. and he loves kids, and we have a little farm which he loves to grow veg's. and plants of different types to give to people. We have blueberry bushes, and scuppernongs and all this is his passion and I want him to be able to enjoy his life again.... How do you get to a place of accepting? Do I have to? Can we keep hoping he will have a normal life again? I am angry that my husband's life has been taken in this way, and hope some of you will share how you got through similar situations and maybe some solutions of how to cope with such an overwhelming situation.
On top of all that, Medicair will only cover the first 5 days of copay's and then I am responsible. We are hoping Medicaid will hurry up and approve him, and even then I don't know how much they will actually cover. There is so much to find out about and seems like the timing is crucial.
So, there is my story. I have considered just as a last choice of a permanent stay in the nursing home, but just the thought of that scares the heck out of me. Only because I don't know what to expect as far as his care, and also financially what all is involved. More than likely, I am going to use Hospice, and pray he will either get where he can get out of bed by himself safely, and become somewhat mobile, or for the Lord to take him home if his health declines. He lost 35lbs. since dec.15th, and I was shocked when they weighed him at the rehab. the first day he was admitted.
I don't know what to expect y'all, and I don't want to see him suffer with bed sores and constipation like he's had so bad since he's been home also. I'm doing all that I am told to avoid these things, and hopefully when he comes home this time it will be better.
Thank you for letting me share, and want to get back to the place where I was one who lifted others up and prayed for them in what they were going through in their lives. I am tired of this life being about me and my husband's illness and want so much to move on. I pray it will be soon.