Life is getting stranger every day now.

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Just talking here.

Today was a very strange day. A couple of days ago my mother had called her attorney to change the will, leaving me everything. That sounds good, but there was a couple of problems. She was making the change out of emotion. She was mad at my brothers for not paying enough attention to her. She is also not competent to be writing a new will. I told her the old will was fine and didn't need to be rewritten. The lawyer told her that she really didn't need a new will, that she could leave me her money just by putting my name on her account with a POD.

Today the lawyer called. He had done the new will. My mother told me I was going to have to sign it. Of course, I don't sign her will and I didn't want anything to do with it, anyway. I didn't want her last word to my brothers to be an angry one. And we're going into the Christmas season. How would it feel to have done something so ugly as cut them out of the will, then say merry Christmas.

Well, anyway, the lawyer put aside the new will. Later my mother called each of my brothers and was chatting away lovingly with them. And I thought that it was why I didn't want her to change her will. I don't think she realized what a hostile act it was to cut them out.

As the evening wore on, she kept punching buttons on her phone and calling people. She did something to the phone and it was calling people automatically when you picked it up. I tried to rehab the phone, sitting on the floor with the TV blaring gospel music in one ear and her telling me all the things I needed to do in the other. She kept telling me to call my brother. Why?? Well, I got it straightened out and she decided to call my brother four times just to make sure it was all working. There was a lot more going on, but I slipped back to my room into the world of the sane. I thought about how staying with a person with dementia can be like a game of whack-a-mole, whacking each problem as they come up one right after another.

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Wills get to be a thing of emotion when someone loses grip of their reasoning ability. If they're mad at someone, they are going to cut them out of their will. If they're mad at everyone, they leave everything to their cat or church. I'm sure TV evangelists love it when elders get mad at all their children. :-O

Sometimes even when it looks like a change would be in our favor, it really isn't. There is potential for bad family feelings, and the changes come with strings attached. What if I needed to put my mother in a NH soon because I couldn't take care of her at home anymore? I know the first thing she would say would be that I owe her because she left everything to me, and that she was going to call the lawyer to have me thrown out of the will. I don't think she has grasped yet that her sons and daughter are "whatever" about the things in her will.

I had a dream last night that I'd been diagnosed with liver cancer and got a failing grade on an exam because I didn't put my name on my paper. I think the message of the dream was clear that I need to take better care of me and my own needs before the dream comes true. Being run down with all the stress from drama certainly does open the door to disease.
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Must have been the night for wills. As I was elbow deep in poop last night, my mother told me that she wanted to change her will and leave everything to me. Of course, that is in direct contrast with her usual desire to leave everything to my loser brother. I told her that she has everything split evenly four ways and she should keep it like that.

A minute later she is reminding me that she has spent all of her money and there is nothing left to leave. OK, Mom, then why are we even talking about it?
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My Mom sleeps in the chair as well, that's fine, as long as she is sitting up. If she wakes up and doesn't see me she heads for her bed.

I believe they go through phases in what they say, dying may be one of them, my grandmother did that.
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Momdoesn'tknowme, I really like looking in the living room to see my mother snoozing in front of the TV. I don't feel so guilty about not entertaining her if she is asleep. It takes a lot of the pressure off.

My mother has been talking a lot about dying lately. She keeps saying that she might "die tonight" so I better be ready. She doesn't seem near death, though. She still has good weight, good vitals, and a very healthy appetite. If she still had a good back and mind, she might feel very different about her prospect. We never can tell, but sometimes I think she may live 5 more years. Heaven be with us.
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Thank you, everyone. I've wondered if I'm dealing with a special brand of crazy here or if I just have a low tolerance level. When she said that about the will and the new dress, I realized she didn't realize the depth of her statement with the will was a lot more serious than getting a new dress. Thinking can get rather child-like in the later stages of dementia.

My brother in TX called this afternoon and I was glad that we'd shelved that will idea. There are no hidden secrets. I doubt that he'll take any of the money if there is any left, since they have a good bit. But it was good to know it will be his decision and not an angry statement from her while I stood by and let it happen. We'll just forget that this will thing ever happened. It wouldn't have if she still had her old mind.
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Jessie, I don't mean to contradict you dear, but your life has been "strange" since you started posting here. Wanting to either talk to a lawyer or buy a new dress hardly seems more peculiar than needing to cover up the holes in the floor or cut down the trees in the yard. Sigh. Maybe you are just getting really tired of "strange." You are doing the right thing in refusing to cooperate with this sudden fit of anger at your brothers. You've been playing whack-a-mole for years and although you are very good at it, it must be really exhausting. Keep venting here. And hang in there!
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Jessie, my mom has done the same thing with the will. Fortunately, when she started talking about leaving everything to me and cutting my brother out, she was already too advanced in dementia to contact an attorney. Her previous attorney had retired, and she would not have been able to figure out how to find a new one. When she started talking about changing the will, I just said that I would contact my attorney and ask how to proceed. Then she would forget about it until she started thinking about my brother and how he had not spoken to her in almost ten years. Funny thing is that it is unlikely that there will be any money left to inherit anyway!
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The roaming at night is the stage before wanting to sleep all the time, it is exhausting. I had a year of that and still do, sometimes, if I let her sleep too much during the day. I have her sit up at least 8 hours a day, in between naps, but I need to stay in the room she is in and entertain her. If I get up to check laundry, get a drink for her or go to the bathroom she hightails (a term my grandma used to use) it to her bed, the lady can move if she wants to. She would prefer to stay in bed 24/7.
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Momdoesn'tknowme, the sleep may actually be a gift to both the loved one and care receiver. It gives them both a break. I've felt particularly sorry for people whose loved ones stay awake during the day and night. I know it is exhausting.
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jessiebelle, the sleeping comes in the later stages of dementia and it is bitter-sweet. I still get the "crazy" coming out of Mom such as she is starting to talk to people that aren't there and can't understand that her pull-up (that's what my granddaughter calls them) needs to be changed.
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