Life after the loss of your loved one...

Thinking of you, Lu

you'll always miss your mama but I hope you can enjoy some part of your day - I recommend pancakes and hot cocoa to start

Big Hug Luckylu,
I know this is a hard season for you. Hang in there, it will pass. Much love and prayers for you.

It is a difficult anniversary date of your Mother's death Luckylu, when all 3 of your siblings also have birthdays in December. My condolences, knowing you do not want to celebrate birthdays, but celebrate her life instead, as you are able.

Today marks the 3rd Anniversary of my Mothers death...It started off with Mother having a fit about her teeth and them staying in her mouth.Then when I offered too help her get to her bathroom,she said she didn't need to go which was a first ever.She didn't look "right",but she still said a few things and was with me till about 3:30 pm and then she quit talking all together.Then her dear little body became knarled up in her liftchair and she panted likea dog the rest of the night,till 2:53 in the morning and then she was gone,3years ago tonight.
Some people have said this all gets easier,but it sure hasn't for me.
People have said I should be glad,that now she isn't suffering and she's with Jesus,I hope they're right. I pray she's with my Dad and all her loved ones in Heaven....
I'd just give anything for one more hug,that's all.
I will always miss my sweet monster.

I understand the feeling of loneliness and grief of losing someone you love, especially just before the holidays. This will be the first Christmas and New Years that my honey and I will not be together in 30 years, as it was the first Thanksgiving as well. Now that I have passed the shock stage and am still grieving I know that my honey is with me and will always be in my heart. This is how I am making it through the holidays. I have a brother, my honey's brother and SIL and my daughter, but all are busy with their families at this time. We stay in regular touch through FB, text and email but I would never ask them to change their plans. It will just be me and my fur baby, but I will be counting my blessings, praying that those I have lost are at peace and saying a prayer for my family and friends. Y'all have a Merry Christmas and a safe, fun and Happy New Year.

With christmas here and my father doing better with dialysis i should be feeling a sense of relief, but like so many others im really just missing my mom. She would be so happy to hear that my father is finally improving a little everyday, that life is going on. But i wish so much that she was here to share in this too. The loss i feel hasnt gotten any easier, its just put on the back burner and it still is very raw. Everyone says with time it will get easier, i sure hope so. Everyone be safe this holiday a d enjoy your family. Isnt that why we all are doing this? Because when you come right down to it, family is everything. And i honestly would do anything for them. Take care. Deb

I grieved so much during my lifetime for the mother I needed but never had, that now that my mother has left us, it doesn't feel much different - so far anyway. In a detached sense, I appreciate that she was a good example in some ways, and I am thankful for that. A few of the nastier moments still surface and I want to get those out of my memory bank if I can. My relationship with my mother was not normal as she suffered from a serious mental illness. I can remember only one hug from her which occurred when I was in my 60's. As a child, I had no cuddles or kisses, no warm words of praise or kindness from my mother. Nonetheless I loved my mother, but I don't miss the stress, negativity, and criticisms.

Grieving my father was different. He was my nurturing parent and I miss him to this day. He was kind and cuddly to me as a child, and warm and affectionate to me as an adult. He nurtured and taught us, and took great pride in us. Over the dinner table my father challenged us on Shakespeare quotes. He was essential to my growth and development to, at least, a somewhat normal individual. I will never forget the childhood lullabies my father sang when he tucked me into bed. He had a wonderful Welsh baritone voice. Of course he had faults, we all do, but I am so thankful that he was in my life. So very thankful. Every year at Christmas he read the "Christmas story" from the gospels. Every year at Christmas I think on that and savor the memories. They warm my heart,

Missing my dad so much, yet know I will see him again. I miss his humor and corny jokes. I just miss him. I believe it took me over a year to get out of the fog of grief, it was hard. But the Lord brought me through. I have moments where things will trigger a memory and then tears flow. But, I am not in the clutch of grief any longer. I just miss him so much everyday though. He taught me so much even when I wasn't trying to learn. He was a man of many talents, and worked so hard everyday. He was consistent in his study of God's word and encouraged that in me. I love him so much. always will.
Anyway, I just saw the thread and just wanted to contribute to keeping it alive.

Not wanting to let the memories of our loved ones disappear......
bringing this thread back to the top.

(((CWillie))), you did wonderfully by your mom. I'm sure your tenderness, love and holding her hand those many, many times helped to ease the fears that she had.

cwillie - You express yourself beautifully. 🧡

More hugs

Cwillie
raw, honest emotions

hugs to you tonight

I can't stop thinking about the minister saying how she yearned for rest, she was ready to leave - but that is a lie based on his own beliefs, I know she struggled so long and hard to stay, was so afraid to let go. I remember how I hated her so much when I reached burnout, how I doubted everything I ever knew or loved about her. How the months in the nursing home allowed me to heal from that, to find a tender place in my heart for her, to pity the shell that she had become. I spent so many afternoons just holding her hand, saying nothing, that holding her hand as she gasped for breath for all those final days seemed a natural extension of that. And then... she left, and I am bereft.

All that worry and concern for your Mom has quieted now.

You rest too.

Tomorrow you can donate any flowers that may be too much.

Condolences to your sis too.

(((((cwillie)))) -again, very well done. Living with the difference now is not easy and it takes time to adjust. You have a lot to process. I am glad you are staying around AC and sharing your wisdom and experience. Look after yourself.

I wanted a quick funeral and burial because I know from past experience that the days spent waiting are excruciating. Well, the service is over, everyone has gone home and my house is filled with flowers, leftover food and ... silence. Funny, even though mom didn't live with me for over a year the house seems so much quieter tonight.

This is only his 2nd week with dialysis. The left arm is so swollen where the fistula is he cant clean up or shave so he doesnt want to go. If its going to be this big of a problem every other day i dont know if its worth it. And i dont know how long before the dialysis takes to make him feel better but hes not feeling good at all. They have been taking over a liter and a half of fluid each time he goes but it doesnt make him feel all that better. And why fight a fight that just isnt doing anything to make him feel like he use to. He spent all those years taking care of my mom and not himself i think its too late. Can it be too late for dialysis to work? I need to talk to the doctor at the clinic.

Dcuman, I am so sorry for your loss. It happens often that a spouse will pass soon after the other. My mom was about 7-8 months after stepdad. She had dementia, probably did not understand that he was gone, but felt something wasn't right.

Hugs, Dcurnan, I'm so sorry. Letting go is so hard, even when you know it's time. I felt that way when I lost my grandpa to kidney failure and CHF. I wanted them to do everything possible to keep him alive, but his body just gave out at the end. I wasn't ready for him to leave, but I know he was tired. Can you talk to your dad's docs and see if they feel like the dialysis is still helping him?

I lost my dad 5 years ago, my mom about 2 years and my husband 4 months ago. Sometimes it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other. I’m going back to work 10/1. I hope that getting out and going to work will give me a bit more focus in my life. It’s all hard.

Im so scared and im in a panic of sorts. I think its a little late. He was always so busy taking care of my mom that he didnt take care of himself and now that shes gone i think he wants to go too.

Aw, Dcurnan, that's so tough, I'm sorry for your loss and the difficult time of seeing your father declining. (((((Hugs))))) to you and your dad.

I lost my mom on september 6th. I still cant believe shes gone. Ive been trying my hardest to keep my father alive and its just not working. Hes given up. He wants to be with her. They were married 62 years on the 15th of september. I think its time for me to just accept it. I just dont know how. I wish i could, but i dont want to lose him too. Hes so tired and he looks so gray. I dont think the dialysis that im forcing him to go to is even working. Please help me to let go. I just dont want him to go too.

One day at a time.
It will get easier, and you won't need to forget your loved one for the pain to lessen.

2 and a half years now without Mother here beside me and I still feel so lost and broken hearted.I'm so grateful for the extra time I did have with her though.Just a half of an inch and I'd have lost her 9 and a half years before I did.I was so lucky.
Mom wasn't the "norm" at all and she was funny and fun to be around.Same as my Dad.I miss them both so much
Thanks to all of you who have been there for me,it's meant the world~

NYC so sorry for your loss. I've had so many dreams of my Mom since she died three years ago. Some good, some bad, some I wake up crying from.

It does get better and then a memory will trigger something and it gets bad again but you will get through it. The silliest thing can make me cry. For instance, I was grocery shopping the other day and was looking at some green leaf lettuce which was one my Mom always asked me to pick up for her every week when I got her groceries. Ridiculous............standing crying over the lettuce aisle.

Good Luck with your grieving. Come here often, it does help.

Thanks to our forum moderators, we get this thread back after it was "archived".
Just wanting to thank you, and acknowledge your good work!

It's hard. My mom passed away exactly three weeks ago. I saw her decline rapidly. In my mind, I attempted to prepare myself for that day. That was a sad joke! It's still surreal. Last night I dreamt that we were on a subway (back in NYC) and I lost her in the crowd. In the dream, she was in a demented state, and that made it feel so real. I'm not sure at what point, I think it was the next day, but I finally found her wandering around the platform. Her hair was disheveled and she had on different clothes. But she was safe. I'm in tears just thinking about it. Prayers and condolences to all of you that have recently lost your loved one. God bless.

Your'e right gladimhere,the deaths on here do seem to come in waves and in my case,alot of deaths of loved ones have come in 3's.
I hope the dear people on here that have lost their loved one's will continue to be with us.I don't know where I'd be now without the support Iv'e received on here since I lost Mother.It's kept me going and I know I'm not alone,that there are other's who lost their dear parent and they are moving forward and that has given me the hope that I will too.