Lies by nursing home staff.

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Those of you who've seen my posts you know what I've been through. I hadn't visited in ten days but I went to buy milk today and bought her a beautiful potted lily, which I dropped off. She was on one of her better days and informed me that the physio had guaranteed she'd be walking again in three weeks.

She broke a hip a year ago and the surgeon told me she'd probably never walk again, which she hasn't. She cannot sit up or stand alone yet she keeps getting out of bed into her wheelchair on her own and often ends up on the floor.

The physio knows more than a surgeon? I suspect she's just guaranteed that my mother will walk in three weeks to keep her attending physio, which is a good thing, however if my mother can't walk in three weeks time (and she's now obsessing about it) all h**l will break loose.

I've noted the dates in my calendar and in three weeks time I'll be going MIA, underground, not visiting and supposedly out of town. I see the logic of keeping someone going to physio but guaranteeing something that will never happen is, in my view, very cruel.


Not lies, more likely delusional thinking on the patient's part. Check that statement with the attending MD, PT and RN's. You don't need to leave town. We learned a long time ago to triple check anything Mom says.
Pam, it's currently #1 obsession, she's like a pit bull (and I hate saying that because they are a wonderful breed, it's their humans who are nasty) and she will never listen to reason. She'll watch her calendar every day until the three weeks is up . In three weeks time when she finds she can't walk the sh*t will hit the fan and you don't want anywhere near that! She says she can get in her wheelchair and go to the bathroom (which she can't) she also said the aides said if she tries to get out of bed herself they'll smack her bottom, but she still does it so she's going to end up on the floor again all the time.

Oh and the visiting social worker, who I've spoken with a few times doe to chaos my mother was causing, cornered me in the parking lot as I left today suggesting I read a book about how "sensitive caring people" deal with abuse. Excuse me??? Dissecting it, psycho analyzing it and reliving it only keeps it fresh, when we need to get past it, let it go and rebuild our lives which is exactly what I'm doing.

I'm British, of the old school. We're a bl**dy tough lot and there's nothing we can;'t overcome. You reckon I'm going to break down into a snivelling heap for some part time social worker? Good luck with that! Sorry but I'm angry tonight, over the lies told to my mother and being treated myself like I'm a lost little child and close to looney. I'm wondering if she has private pratice and tries to lure people in for pay.

Tonight I feel that I should, in the presence of the NH owner and admin, call both the social worker and physio out, but what good would it do? They'll just deny it and close ranks. All I can do is visit occasionally and stay far away, not letting anyone get at me. I've more than paid my dues. It's my time now, time to take my life back and rebuild
Wait a minute, why do you believe your mom about a PT saying that? I doubt they would have, they might have said work on something for three weeks and heard something she wanted to her. If the SW recommneded a specific book to you, go ahead preview it on Amazon - it might be excellent or it might be cra@p, you never know. I think she was trying to parse a recommendation with a compliment to encourage you. If you are still bringing Mom cool stuff like Easter lilies depsite all the grief she's caused you, she possibly sees you as going above and beyond. I don't think you have to feel guilty for taking time to be out of pocket when you know that Mom is well cared for and your being there more won't fix what's wrong with her. It's not them - it's not you - it's Mom!
vstefans why don;'t you read the book? My life stopped five years ago and, now, with an old house, 2 acres and animals I have better things to do. I do not want to relive, regurgitate, dissect or psychoanalyze the past. It's over, done, goodbye. Whether the PT actually said my mother will walk in 3 weeks or not, my mother totally believes it and will hang on to it regardless of what anyone says. Yeah, I take her stuff once in a while.OUT OF DUTY but, apart from that I stay as far away as possible to preserve my health and sanity. You obviously haven't been reading my posts where I got to the point, due to stress, my hair was falling out and I had a black out at 85km an hour and I changed my phone number to escape the daily torment.

Your profile states about your elders problems and demise but it doesn't say you were a caregiver for them. Care to elaborate?
eh the d**n hipaa laws make medical personel deny their own existance. i had a nurse walk in tonight while i was excising a severely ingrown toenail for aunt edna. she asked me if i drew blood. duh.. when you cut out a deeply ingrown nail there will be a speck of blood.. edna is as contrary as i am. we do pretty much what we want and hope noone likes it..
ednas gonna be mad at me tho. the little jimmy truck that she loves to ride in now rides like a log wagon. lol. i got her bucket seats in there for her comfort but i gotsta have springs d**nt. we sprung that b**ch today. long story. a spring shop told me the other day that he couldnt spring a 1/2 ton truck to haul 2 tons. freaking loser. we doubled the frame, built a custom bed and poured the springs to it. we'll haul whatever the hell we want, thank you..
Ok, so in three weeks, April 30th, do not take her calls and let the staff deal with her disappointment. Keep yourself clear until the dust settles. By the time you see her in May, she will have some other fantasy in her brain. Hopefully it will be positive, like this one. My MIL was a bit off last night when we saw her. So I fed her two dark chocolate mint cookies and 3 oz of Merlot. Works better than anything they can prescribe.
Pam she can't call me, that's the beauty of it. I make sure she has chocolates and cookies coming out of her ears, though she hides them because people steal them {sigh}. Can't give her booze as she's on so many meds. Captain, you're a wild man and a total treasure,. Do you have a brother? Just kidding, I prefer the solo life.

I've been doing so well yet this cr*p today has set me back and I'm in tears. Why the Sam Henry won't people leave me alone to recover and get well? I will do whatever I have to to be left in peace.
Ashlynne, you seem to be doing a good job of detaching from Mom, and I endorse your plan to stay out of sight on the three-week date.

I am really puzzled, though, why you are so angry with the physical therapist? You know you mother well enough to not believe everything she says. Yes, her obsession is frustrating and will cause problems in a few weeks, but why blame that on a therapist? Why do you think you should call the PT out in the presence of the owner and the admin? Sounds like Mother is still pushing your buttons, even while you are trying to detach.

If someone takes the time and trouble to recommend a book to you, you can simply say, "thanks, but I'm handling this in my own way." Why would you have to call the social worker out in the presence of the owner and the admin?

I can understand your desire to be left alone to recover and get well. Do it. If other people make suggestions you certainly are under no obligation to follow them. Hearing this crazy notion that Mom thinks she will walk in three weeks is frustrating and stressful. But it is not really your problem. You did not cause it. (Probably nobody did.) You will not be called upon to fix it. You have a good plan regarding dealing with it. So let it go. Try not to lash out at anybody who happens to get in your way.
i never had a brother, just two sisters. they look at me like i have two heads which indeed i do.. they love me, they had a phsyco for a dad.. its sad, i want this family to come up, not stuck in the dark ages. if you dont know what the dark ages were it was a time in europe where the roman structure had collapsed and the only government was the churches. all progress, metallurgy, culture, art, all came to a grinding halt. all there was was prayer and frankly, profitable lies, based on fear.. people who sought comfort from " spiritual " drug use were murdered by the church because the church didnt like the misuse of their money.. organized religion should be outlawed but the law cant necessarily protect you from yourself..

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