Legally dealing with an unwanted non-familial care participant.
Hello, This is my first time posting here. My mom has early onset alzheimer's and is still in the early stages of things. My sister and I are her primary caretakers, though I do not live in the same state as they do (they are located in NJ). My sister just moved in with my mom to help take care of her as her abilities slowly decline. My mom's companion of the last decade is making what is already a difficult situation even more stressful for everyone, including my mom. My mom is a very passive person and allowed him to be involved as much as he wanted early on. My sister and I were against his being involved in her care at all from the get go as they are not married and do not live together. Really, they have a companionship type friendship. That is fine, but he has continued to overstep his bounds. My mom no longer has the ability to tell him to stop interfering as her language abilities continue to decline. He refuses to listen to my sister or I and continually disrespects our place in our mother's life, as children and as caretakers. He has taken to spreading outright lies amongst my mom's sister and brothers and their respective husbands and wives. If that weren't bad enough, some of them have actually bought into what he's telling them without bothering to verify if what he's saying has any merit (the older generation is and large uneducated in my family). My mom can't/won't break their friendship despite him causing her a lot of stress and hurt and my sister and I are stuck in the middle getting crapped on by everyone no matter what we do. Many of the plans we've made or steps we've taken to get my mom's affairs in order and to provide her with care have been derailed by this one person. It's becoming unbearable for my sister to deal with and I often find myself in a rage just thinking about this person. My mom is not yet incompetent, but it's only a matter of time. We already know we will file for legal guardianship when the time comes, but we have no idea how to deal with this person in a legal manner for the time being. My mom has made it clear to him that she wants my sister and I as her caretakers. She enjoys his companionship when he isn't railing into her about how her daughters are terrible people. It is truly a very difficult situation to be in as we won't abandon our mother in her time of need, but cannot seem to accomplish a thing while this person continues to be in her life. My sister is talking about moving out of state in the next year and taking my mom along with her. That would mean selling her house in NJ. We are not her POA, my mom decided to appoint her sister-in-law to that post, who admittedly is very good with finances and is generally trustworthy. However, she is one of the people who has bought into the lies. I have lived out of my home state for about a decade and am no longer close to most of my extended family. In fact, I've not interacted much with my mom's chosen companion other than through emails which were mainly logistical in nature. My sister and I are planning a family sit-down with my mom's companion present when I go home to visit next. I don't think it'll accomplish much, but we're going to do it anyways. Does anyone have any advice, legal or otherwise, about how to deal with this person in the immediate and in the long-term futures? We are at a total loss and cannot stand to see our mother stressed out and feeling so down about the family situation he is continuing to cause. It's not good for her health. My intuition suspects he wants to push my sister and I out of our mom's life so he can be her caretaker and take over all her assets (he did this with an ailing aunt of his). I refuse to allow that to happen, so it won't, but he is trying very hard to ruin the last years we have with our mom and it is really toxic to my sister and I. Please help!