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I'm a bit upset with my dad over his recent change of giving medical POA and durable POA to my step-sister instead of me as his only child.  They have put together a joint will instead of separating anything out for me if he were to die first. He says it's written up such that if he dies before her that everything will go to her and then upon her death the estate will be divided up between myself, my step sister, who has been made the executor of the estate, and my step brother. This leaves the possibility, I think, of my step mother writing me out of her will once my dad dies. He will not talk about this over the phone. All he says is that my step-sister is totally in charge now. I don't really trust her anymore than I do my stepsister for they are both opportunistic, dominating personalities and my step mother has been jealous of me my entire life. Any ideas about what I can other than just mentally cut my losses before they happen and move on with my life.

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gee i think i know alittle bit about how you feel. my mother has left my oldest daughter as POA and executor of her will. I have worked my self ragged for years caring for her, and guess what if you dont have POA they question everything you do or any decision you try to make, so guess what i have said, ok i am moving on with my life. and i am. i have moved this week, accepted a job 2 hours from where my mom lives, she did not even say hi or bye when i last saw her. tough world. good luck. keep chin up....cc
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My dad did not want to hear the argument that "hey dad, I am your son, I really should be involved in POA type issues at this juncture in your life's journey." The only response he had was 'well you have your hands full with your mother and her financial tax mess from prior years." To some degree true, but the drama part of that is all stabilized now and the CPA is working on the past due taxes and for that matter my mother could drop dead any day for she has really giving up on doing anything but laying there in bed in the nursing home. It's not that big a driving difference from driving one hour to my mother's house vs driving 6 hours to my dad's.

I wonder if I'm within my rights to request a copy of the POA's and at least know where a copy of my dad's will is if not even have a copy of it. I'm almost sure my step-sister and step-mom would personalize such a request, but from my perspective that would just be good, sound business.

I remember a poem that my step-mother wrote early in their marriage back in 1978 and read to my dad. The only part I remember was, 'in the end you will see that I have won.' Well, here we are 31 years later, and yes she has won. I fell sorry that my dad has allowed his guilt over the failure of his first marriage and fear of another one failing to make him such a 'yes, mam' for his wife as if he were to obey her like a child does their mother. Over the years, he has become less and less of the man that I once knew before they got married. The only man that I've ever seen treated any worse was my father in law whose wife only misses him for what he could and should be doing for her right now. The irony is that both my mother in law and step-mother believe in equal rights, but not according to how I see them treat people.
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Get a Lawyer, speak to him about your dad,s mental state, show him your poem and your experiences with this whole issue. Let him advise you about what to do.....then decide what you should do.....then move on in the best direction for YOU!
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