Least to be considered, but first to be looked upon for needs.
It hurts when you realize your elderly mother turns to you first for her unending needs, but the last on her list of consideration when it comes to family members. She makes so many excuses as to why she does not wish to burden them, but does not even consider or acknowledge the burden she is placing on me. I do not blame the family members, this has been a life long habit of my mother when it comes to me. I was always the good dutiful daughter of convenience when it came to her choices in life. I have basically put helping her on the back burner. It hurts so much to know I am more of a gopher to her than a daughter. Yes, I did help enable her, but not anymore. Wish the guilt, fear and obligation toward her would go away. It paralyzes me from enjoying life more than I could. I dwell on it daily and it is causing me to feel trapped in a nonexistence prison. If I only could have a mother/daughter relationship like she has had with my siblings throughhout their lives. My visits with her leave me emotionally drained, because there is no substance to our relationship, just an empty void of anger for wasting what precious time I have giving her of myself out of obligation.