Learning some harsh frustrating truths during this journey.

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If any of the alleged health care professionals my mother has dealt with had actually listened to me instead of ignoring me and treating me like a delusional doting son I believe she'd be on the mend already. If they hospital staff had listened to me during her first stay, the second might not have been necessary. If they'd kept her there for a few more days during the second one and given her time to recover a bit before shipping her off someplace else, she would have coped with it better. If the rehab center staff had listened to my very reasonable suggestions instead of worrying about their routine, she wouldn't have suffered a panic attack and wouldn't have wasted a day under sedation.

I thought that a few weeks in rehab would be great for her AND for me but apparently I have to be there most of the day in order to prevent them from trying to push her too hard too fast. I have to be there to ensure that the meal delivery person puts the tray within her grasp. I have to make sure she gets her proper BP meds BEFORE she undergoes the stress of exercise. I have to make sure the therapist of the day (always a different one) gears the plan towards HER needs and not the therapists schedule.

I made sure I was there today for her session and lo and behold, no need for sedatives. She sat up and stayed up under her own power for longer than she has in weeks. She worked muscles she hasn't worked in weeks. Afterward she looked better, moved better, felt better, moved her bowels better, made more sense and demonstrated improved memory. All of which I predicted.

It's kind of maddening. I thought that maybe I'd get the chance to catch up a little and be temporarily freed from having to do all the work but now it's actually going to be harder. But whatever, I'm on top of this and I'm going to make those people work for their money, they're not going to load her up on xanax and let her rot in a corner on my watch. From now on I'm the boss where she's concerned, not disinterested therapists, bossy nurses or quack doctors. Sorry, but had to vent. There are some kind helpful souls there but I'm not letting their stupid corporate mentality screw her over, no way no how.

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Livelifefull: thanks! Oh yeah, it's a real education.
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I am a caregiver and had a client in the hospital. The client passed away in October. Since 9/6/2014, I learned so much about behind the scenes at the Hospital, that I would know how to handle myself if I was not delirious, but I worry so much about my parents. Great article. Thanks
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Good for you dman. Just keep on fighting the good fight!
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Gershun: I think I've reached a happy medium in that regard. Now that the staff knows us I think they've been pretty good overall. I've been complimented on my knowledge of her specific issues and the timeline, apparently a lot of people simply expect them to figure everything out for themselves, then they complain that the staff is failing, which is pretty stupid and unfair IMO.

But sure, I'm fighting for her, just like she did for me when I was little and ill. A lot of people (even in the family) wrote me off when I was a toddler and here I am pushing fifty and healthier than the lot of them. I believe you get back what you put in and I'll keep working it that way until the end.
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GardenArtist: I was just floored that someone who spoke to my mother for maybe three minutes (while she was zonked on pain meds no less) was suddenly an "expert" on elder care options for her. And those "options" immediately centered around "how much is she worth?". I hate the way "the system" instantly turns everyone and everything into a commodity to be exploited for profit.
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Actually dmanbro I get tired of the way everybody pussyfoots around Doctors, like they are some kind of Gods are something. There are good and bad doctors and nurses just like there are good and bad (insert profession here).

Just like you would stick up for yourself and your loved ones if they were being duped by a slimy salesperson or whatever. You have every right to stand up to medical staff. Just be sure that before you do you arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can so they can't pull out the" we are so superior than you cause we know more card."

I fought for my brother's rights when he was dying in hospital, I fought for my Mom and I would do the same for anyone I cared about.
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It's certainly difficult when you're concerned about a loved one's health and well being and you're immediately being pressured into handing over everything that loved one owns just to secure them a little care and assistance. It's tough to not see it as a racket, to be honest. Again, it isn't to label every health care worker, as so many of them are awesome people. She wasn't hospitalized for even eighteen hours before the hard-sell started.
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Actually dmanbro I totally empathize with you. The last week of my dear Mom's life was spent in hospital. I was totally exasperated by the treatment or lack there of she received.

One doctor stated she had a stroke and was paralyzed on her right side. The next time he came in to see her he said she was paralyzed on her left side. Then the neurologist came in and told us she had not had a stroke. She was not paralyzed on either side, which by the way we had already as a family figured out ourselves.

Then the first doctor in question bullied us in to end of life care. Let me preface this by saying we were in the midst of coming to that conclusion ourselves but he pushed his viewpoints on us when we were conferring about it as a family and he wouldn't back off. He was callous and insensitive in his treatment of my mom and of us.

Once we started end of life care we were told a different thing every day, depending on which nurse we spoke to.

All in all an upsetting experience made even more so by insensitive doctors and incompetent nurses and no I am not overreacting or being overly sensitive. I am a very logical, level headed person who is not wont to sensationalize situations unless its warranted.

So dmanbro I feel your pain.
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Sometimes I wonder if they end up in Discharge Planning positions because they weren't very good as social workers. But they're in pivotal positions as discharge planning is so critical. Wish I had some insight into why they're so difficult to deal with.

The fact that the SW felt you should be looking at nursing homes makes me wonder if they really have any ideas what the admitting conditions and diagnoses were. I'm assuming they have access to all the patient's electronic records, so checking the status and diagnoses shouldn't be that difficult.

The one I tussled with last week also asked me to consider a rehab facility for short term rehab, apparently without checking the admitting status because despite having been told he was admitted, I was later advised by the nurse when I did feel that a short rehab was appropriate, that he couldn't be referred because he was only on observational status.

Don't these people communicate with each other? It's easier than ever now because of electronic records and the pager communicators they wear.
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GA, I know what you're talking about. The SW at the hospital where my father died did the same thing to me. I spent the day before my father's death looking around at nursing facilities for him to be discharged to. I felt it was a silly task, because they knew my father was dying and I knew he was dying. Why was I doing this fruitless running around.

The morning of the day he died I said the words that made all the madness end. "I want to call in hospice." The SW nodded and got on the phone to them. Hospice showed up later that afternoon to take charge, but it was a few minutes after my father died. It taught me a lot about what to do in the future. Just let them know that I want to call in hospice (if I haven't done that already).
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