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I want to share the last night with my Mother while here.
The day before she left us she wanted to get out of bed and get dressed. She wanted to stand, so my son helped her up and she stayed in his arms for like 10 minutes. Meanwhile we kept asking her if she wanted to sit in a different chair; she said "no". We asked if she needed to go to the bathroom, she again said "no". We asked if she wanted to lay down and I'll never forget that stern look she gave us, a look like "what are you crazy, that's all I do." After however many minutes she was in my son's arms, she then said she wanted to sit. So she sat and I sat next to her, my son on the other side. She wanted to change, when I asked to what she said it didn't matter. She kept saying that we had to go, we have to go. In hindsight, now I know what she meant. I showed her a different pajama top and she said that was fine. So she was now changed. She said she was tired, so we laid her down. She wasn't eating or drinking, she had thrush (horrible sores in and around her mouth and under her tongue). We had a 24-hr nurse in the home then. In the middle of the night, she was in pain and breathing really bad. It seemed that she was choking and making rattling sounds. In the book that Hospice gave me, it said that these are called "rattling of death" (yes, terrible name) and that it normally bothers the caregivers more so than the patient. I showed this to the nurse and my brother, they didn't want to believe it. I guess I was just providing a fact, I'm not sure if I believed it either. I don't quite remember. Anyway, we called Hospice and asked what can be done about it, so they prescribed something and my brother went and picked it up. It was a patch. We placed it on the outside of her neck as instructed, the rattling stopped. Once we felt she was breathing okay, we went back to bed. The nurse had to leave at 8am, but the other one was running late so when I got up the night nurse was still there. She told me she was breathing okay and that she had giving her a sponge bath and changed her top. She seemed peaceful, so I went back to bed for just a bit and when the new nurse came around 10 or so I was up again. She looked at my Mom's breathing and she said "I don't like this, I don't like this at all". I had heard this before as many nurses said that because they didn't really knew Mom's background with COPD so her breathing was always irregular. Although, now that I think about it, her breathing was really shallow and very slow. I had given her a kiss and a "good morning" as I always did. But when I sat next to her I guess I just knew that something was not right. The nurse was right, her breathing was not right at all. She took slow breaths and I can see her neck pulsating ever so slowly. I left the room and woke up my son, I told him "Richard, I think it's time and you should go say your goodbye." He was up really quick and went into the room. I'm not sure if I stayed behind for some reason or I was just sitting thinking, I don't know but he went into her room and came back just as fast and told me with his look that she was gone. I don't know why I didn't stay there, I don't know why I didn't held her hand I don't understand why I left the room. I asked this of myself over and over again and I think she should have felt the warmth of my hand when she left so she knew she wasn't alone. I feel guilty about this. I questioned myself about what I did all the time. I don't know if God does have a plan and he felt it would have been too much for me to see her take her last breath. I don't know.


Please keep the signs of your loved one in mind, if she says and feels anxious because they feel they have someplace to go. It is a sign! And don't forget to always tell them you love them and thank them for what they've done for you. Ask, if you can if there's anyone in particular they want to see. Try and make it happen, even if it's a phone call. My mother wanted to see her sister one last time, we had a call via Skype. So they actually did see each other. God bless you all caregivers and be strong and patient.

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First let me say as the tears run down my face I am so sorry for your loss and I am my mother's full time caregiver and I know that what you went through that one day I will have to do the same. I do think God know what we can and cannot handle, also I know for sure that when it is a persons time they know it as my dad told my mom, it is time, she held his hand and read the bible as he passed, his mother who had a stroke, was in the hospital, mom had gone to see her a 4 hour ride, grandma seemed to be doing ok, she told her she had seen grandpa who now had been gone for 30 years, mom wanted to stay at the hospital but her mother told her she was fine and to go home, so mom drove 4 hours home, as he walked into the house the phone rang and the doctor said she was gone, she was 90, I know grandma knew it was time and did not want her daughter to have to go through this. still the tears are running down my face for you, please don't feel quilty at all, your mom knew you loved her and God decided that was more than you could handle, your mom is now an angel watching over you and one day you both with be united, many prayers and hugs.
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Hispagirl: You did a fine job for your mama. You were there for her-- not physically in the same space at the time, but your care and consideration in getting the rest of the family to her was proof. Along with that, your consideration of her walk to the end and trying to make that pleasant. Don't disrespect her & yourself by dwelling on small details that mean little. I think she was okay with your son there-- she probably knew she had already said goodbye to you.
My mom's last walk took over a month; the final being over four days, with the absolute ending taking about 14 hours.
We never really & completely know when-- we do our best to help our loved ones walk to the end-- and no path is perfect.
Remember all you did for her and know that she is grateful and will eternally be so.
Also know that she understands everything now; and so knows how hard it was for you-- and does not want you to have regret.
I do think the hospice "timelines" are helpful, but it's hard to tell where someone is on that timeline. One cannot, for days, weeks, or months, stay in a chair by the bedside without respite. That is not good for anyone-- least of all the dying since they will usually feel guilty about that; or they may even be unaware.
In that last walk they are making their peace with their Creator to return Home. They don't need us as much as we may think; at that point it is out of our hands.
Again: remember the good you did for your mom-- and let her go on to her Reward loving you for it.
Peace to you, Dear.
Anamaya
(18)
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Hello - I'm sorry for your loss and I have a personal story that I hope will comfort you. I've seen this happen more than once, but I'll just share one case so I won't wear you out reading. I was a Hospice patient volunteer for years and my very first patient was a young woman with MS. By the time I met her, she was bedbound and twisted into a posture she couldn't change. She could no longer speak and was in a nursing home. Her only pleasure was smoking so I would get her into one of those "chairs" and wheel her outside, then light and hold her cigarette for her. Before too long she couldn't control her head enough to even draw on the cigarette, so became completely confined to bed. I couldn't even get her outside for fresh air. Her husband had abandoned her when her disease progressed rapidly, but she had a devoted mother who came almost every day and two sisters who came as often as possible, although they both worked in a manufacturing plant in a nearby town so they could not come as often as the mother. I went almost every day after work and became very fond of her even though we couldn't really communicate. I found out she had loved Star Trek when she was young so I brought in a television and got tapes of Star Trek episodes from the library. She loved that. Her mother played lots of religious music for her and I soon could see it was not what she wanted to hear (she could roll her eyes very well when not happy!). I asked her mom what music she'd liked as a girl and her mother said she remembered her liking Stevie Wonder. The night before she died she had been officially in a coma for a couple of days, and I had offered to stay up with her so her mother could go home and rest. When I put on the Stevie Wonder music, she smiled - even through a coma, she could hear that music. The next day her mom called me at work and said my patient was slipping away - I drove as fast as I could, but I was 20 miles away and she had gone just before I arrived. Her sisters were inconsolable because they had stepped outside to smoke and while they were outside when their sister died. I thought about it and told them this - Sharon loved to smoke and I believe with all my heart that her spirit went outside with them so she could share that last moment with them. If she had been able, that's where she would have been - they thought about it for a while and after a week or so, they got in touch and said they had come to believe the same thing. I believe you hit the nail on the head, too, when you said that your mother, or God, wanted to spare you the sight of her last breath, in case it would be upsetting for you. I assure you, your mother did not feel alone - you had been there for her and she knew it. I think she was with you when she passed, no matter where you were. Again, my heart aches for you, but don't spend any of your grief on guilt. Your mother loves you still and always will.
(17)
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So sorry for the final loss, it is so very hard. Please do not feel guilty, you have had enough of that. I believe at least for today, that things do happen for a reason. Your son was meant to send her off, let it go and be at peace. You have done all that you can, now you need to take care of yourself and your son. Sometimes we will know why, sometimes we won't but it is all as it should be.
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom and thank you for sharing your story. You did a wonderful job caring for her and giving her what she needed to finish her journey. Your story gave me comfort. My father passed away in August, he seemed ok one night then the next day, he was congested and had sores in his mouth. I have felt bad that I missed something that caused his mouth to be so painful, he wouldn't let the nurses do anything for it. It was probably thrush, as you mentioned. He was not eating either.
We had a nice visit with him that day, the next day he was not talking. We thought we could step out for a quick lunch and told him we loved him and we would be right back. He passed moments after we left the room. At first I felt like we shouldn't have left, we should have been there, but after thinking about it, it seemed like something he would do to spare us.
You should not feel guilty, be at peace knowing you were there when she needed you.
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Sweety, I just read your 24 hrs. w/Mom. Very touching. You mentioned you did not go back in there with your son. You also mentioned that she kept telling you to go. I lost my mother a year ago and I was not there when she passed. I believe it was because I do not think I would have been strong enough to watch my mother leave this world. Also, the day before she passed I was with her and while she was very out of it because of morphine and I feel, beginning her journey to God, I whispered to her that I would be okay and said some personal things that I knew she needed to hear. I believe my mother did not want her children to see her pass, she also told us to go home and get rest before she became unable to say so. She knew the end was near. Maybe thats why your Mother told you to go. Stay strong and know she is in a wonderful place now and happier than us on earth will ever know. God Bless you hun.
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It is our loss; for our loved one it is often a release. I almost slept through my mom's passing--from exhaustion of being by her side and caring for her through the night. The helper (a wonderful woman) arrived early and sent me to bed but just as quickly called me back so I could be with my mom. We do need others to assist us in all the duties of caring. Bless the helpers.
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Thanks for sharing your story. It's a great reminder that each moment is so very precious. My deepest sympathy to you and your son on your loss.
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What lovely (although very sad) heartwarming stories. I also feel guilty that I wasn't there when my lovely dad died. He was taken to hospital with pneumonia and the hospital phoned my daughter who lives near the hospital to get there quickly as he'd had a respitory arrest - My daughter phoned me to get there as quickly as possible but as I live 50 miles away it took me some time to get there. As I pulled into the hospital car park my daughter was waiting at the hospital entrance and told me dad had died 10 minutes ago. It was 3.00am in the morning. She said she told him just before he died that I was on my way. I always wonder if he 'let himself go' before I could see him as he knew how sensitive I am. I do miss him. God bless you all.
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thanks for sharing this... what a powerful story.... I was not with my dad when he passed and we knew it was coming soon...but my sister had just come in town with her 2 adult children...I took my mom home from the hospital as she needed some one to care for her... she and I said our goodbyes about midnight and i opted to let my sister and her kids stay the night with him...I had been his caregiver for 4 years and we had had wonderful and not so wonderful times together. I knew my sister needed the time so I took care of our mother. My nephew called me the next morning about 7...my dad was passing and I stayed on the phone while listening to them pray over him.... I felt as close as I possibly could be but still - a few times- I looked back and wished I had stayed with him....
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God bless you and your family. I have heard (more than a few times) from others that their loved ones had passed immediately after they had left the room. They had been sitting by thier side for hours/days and as soon as they walked out of the room, they passed. I don't know, but maybe they don't want to die in front of them.
In my heart, I know she wouldn't want you to feel guilty. If you were in her place and your child had cared for you as you had her, would you want your child to feel guilty? Love yourself, you are worthy.
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You have my deepest, deepest sympathy. I lost my mom Jan 1st. and like you, I was there round the clock, but I read the hopsice books too. There is a point they make. In their final moment, they can choose if they want you to see them take their last breath or not. Many moms who know their daughters will wait until they are not in the room. My mom did the same thing. Knowing this, I would always tell her when I was leaving (going to get some sleep, going to go to eat, etc.) She had a hospice nurse by her side 24 hrs. Her rattling and congestion stopped the whole day before she died, after a week of having it. Please, please don't feel guilty. Your mom loved you so much, she waited until you were out of the room. Some mom's want us there, some don't. Our mothers wanted to spare us. My mom's COPD was similiar. Mom always had an irregular heartbeat. There were many times while holding her hand, and having my head next to her as I sat at her bedside, her breathing would stop for a second or so, I would think that was it, then it would resume. The same thing was happening when my daughter was sitting with her. You and your son, sound like me and my daughter, very very close to mom. I share your grief, as mine as been a little over 3 weeks. Time is helping, the tears aren't as often but there are still there. Now I'm concentrating on all the good times we had, and how thankful I was to have my mom with me for my 56 yrs of life. My daughter wants me to take care of myself so I can give her at least 56 yrs to enjoy me. Please take care, and keep coming to this site. It has been such a comfort to me, not only getting wonderful advice, and comfort, but also being able to share my own experience. I've found how common my feelings are. All of us here have something in common. To all of us who's parents let go while we were not with them, please rest assured they knew our personalities the best. They knew what was going to be best for us. That's how unselfish a mother or father's love is. Hugs to all.
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Thank you all for sharing your stories of the passing of your loved ones. I am in a bereavement group at my church and the first step for us was to write of the passing. I think this is one of the most helpful questions that has been posted here.

While I struggled through the years of caring for my Mom, and many of the questions were very helpful to me, as well as the opportunity to post questions, this one is very important to all of us... so they say.

I just want to thank everyone for sharing your stories, because we caregivers go on after the most important role in our lives passes on.

I was also out of the room at the time my dear Mom passed away, but I had been with her for days before. When I look back at that time and the years before that, there are many, many good memories. My bereavement counselor tells me to write letters to my Mom when ever I am confused as to what to do next, or to just write to her like a journal every night before going to sleep. That has been very helpful to me, because when I can't think... I write to Mom and somehow her words of guidance come back to me and she tells me to get moving.

So, that's what I'm going to do right now. I can just hear her tell me to get moving and live life fully, with a sense of adventure and no fear. During her last years I asked her for her greatest advice and she told me, never to worry. She said after she worried, she found that everything turns out OK and not to waste any time worrying. So, I'm off to live a good life and I wish the same for all of you dear folks who come to this site. I hope you try not to worry and enjoy the rest of your good lives. I know it's a struggle and many questions come to mind, but for me... I'm going to take the first step and get moving to try to live in today and in the future.

Sending you much love and gratitude for being here for me, just exactly when I need to hear from you.
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Thank you so much for sharing this story. I have been a caregiver to my mom for the last eight years and I have been havin a difficult time lately because she is getting worse. This just made me realize to appreciate every moment we have with our loved ones..and it put everything in perspective for me! Im sorry for your loss..and god bless you!
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Please don't berate yourselves over not being there "at the moment" of your loved one's passing away. If you were there 5 minutes before and had to step out to take care of your own needs, or were on your way, please look at it this way -- you were there with your heart and your mind. God has his own time for everything; your loved one knows that. You all sound like very caring persons.
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I provide end of life "comfort" care to clients, and I have seen this dynamic where a client passes once family leaves the room. I believe they are already spiritually in transition -- most of my clients see and speak to loved ones who have already passed. I believe that for some people in the final stages of their life, they have a hard time letting go if their children or spouse or other loved ones are in the room. Please don't feel badly -- your mom did not die alone -- she had spiritual support from her loved ones who have already passed, and she knows you love her. She would NOT want you feeling guilty or having any regrets about the final moment. She would want you to remember how she lived, not how she passed. God bless you and your son. Be at peace, talk to your mom -- she will be with you always.
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I'm sorry for your oss, I just went threw the same thing with my mom 2 weeks ago. I was with her to her last breath. They sometimes do not want you to see them leave I was told by Hospice. I can tell you this, my mom had troble breathing at teh end with the rattle. they had put her on morphine every 1 to2 hours as needed. The meds helped her wiht her breathing but mom decided she was going to go so fast. Sunday afternoon she had seen her granddaughter her at home and her greatgranddaughter. that night my husband and I slept downstairs on the couch because her room is right off the living room. At around 6 a.m I heard her and gave her meds, at 6:30 she was loosing fluids, and I kept cleaning her mouth out, we called the hospice nurse and she was her at 6:45. We gave her another dose of meds and she was peaceful. Breathing easier. I stayed right beside her and held her hand and kept telling her how beautiful the other side is because I have been there. She kept getting calmer and the nurse called another nurse about the patch but they figured mom had only another 1/2 to 1 hour. At 9:37 she took her last breath with me talking to her and holding her hand. It is like a birth only backwards. She had the most peaceful look on her face when she left us. So you did your job , you had said good bye, you had taken care of her, and you had gotten your son . That is what she wanted. She was greatful for what you had done for her and loved you so much and knew what it was going to take out of you to see her go. She didn't want to say goodby again, just "So long for now, I'll see you agin: She brought you into the world and you made sure she was not alone when she went out, cause she was waiting for her grandson to tell you.
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Wow. God Bless You for being there for your mother. My dad kept saying "Let's go! Damn it!" all night the two nights before he died. We kept asking him where he wanted to go and he would not tell us. He was talking to Jesus or God or both. He started doing that on Saturday night and he died on Monday. The funny thing is about ten minutes before he died he wanted to go from the chair to the bed to lie down. He wanted to get up and with the Hospice nurse on one side and my sister in law on the other they helped him get to the bed. While up he said, "Are you girls sure you can handle me?" those happened to be his last words. My dad was a funny guy and for those to be his last words it is just like him. Most men would love to say that. Remeber all the good things. My mom was actually sitting next to him when he died. She said he was not in pain and she felt he knew. Caregivers are a blessing and we all have to know that we will need it someday. The best thing you can do for your future caregiver is to plan plan plan. Do the best you can everyday and never regret a thing. Love others and you will be blessed.
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Please don't feel any guilt over not holding your mom's hand as she went. The years of your lives together are what have meaning, not the moment she left. I've heard from a hospice nurse that many people wait for a time when family members have left the room, even patients who had been seemingly unaware of who's there have waiting to be alone or with just staff. They've seen it over and over.
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Hispagirl --Sometimes loved ones wait to die until you leave the room. I don't know why -- possibly they just can't bear to part, even though they must. It is possible that by leaving her for a minute you gave her the opportunity to pass away gracefully, which is a great and very loving last gift. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
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I'm so sorry you lost your dear mother. Please don't be upset about not being there at the last moment. The time you cared for her is what matters. She knew you loved her and what better to way to leave this earth than to know your child loved you.
My dad taught me how to live life. I was by his side and telling him to let go, that'd we would all be ok. He peacefully left and took my heart along with him. I miss him so much, even after all these years. His last lesson for me was to teach me not to be afraid of dying. And he left knowing his child loved him beyond measure.
Peace be with you. May you be comforted by your mom's memories. She'll always and forever be with you in your heart.
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Thank you for your story. In 1992 I was with my beloved grandmother, who had a bowel obstruction and within 72 hours, was gone. She died on Monday night/ early Tuesday am. She and I had had one of the most intimate conversations ever in our lives the previous Friday and she told me "I will always be here. Middle of the night, call me if you need to".
She had been having what she called a 'green apple belly' all that weekend. My 15 year old daughter and I visited her to get one of her vintage necklaces for Prom. She told my daughter ' you don't have to give it back'. (I see this as a premonition in hindsight). My mother has always been jealous of my closeness to my grandmother, and on the Sunday night she went to the hospital for the final time, my grandmother hid her very expensive diamond ring in a place in the house that would takes months to locate, called my dad and asked him to call an ambulance, but for them not to turn the siren on because she didn't want the neighbors to know anything. My mother called both my sisters, who are nurses (I am not a nurse, which my mother later used as the excuse as to why she didn't call me too) and they met my grandmother at the hospital. In the middle of the night they determined the blockage was like a 'heart attack to the bowel' and that tissue had died and surgery was not possible. They put her on morphine and in the morning I was called. It was a surreal thing; my mother said to come to the hospital and that she was dying. I had just talked to her a few days ago and she had told me she would be there for me always.
When I got to the hospital they took me into intensive care, where she was on a breathing tube and heavily sedated. I got very close to her face and told her that I loved her. Her words were "pots and pans. Take anything that you want". She knew. My mother stepped in (this was her mother in law, not her own mother) and told her to 'hang in there'. I felt very irritated that they knew she was dying and would say that to her. I also had figured out by then that I was the only sister not contacted to come the night before.
All day she was comatose. I sat by her bed constantly. My dad, her only child, 'couldn't handle being there' (nor could, I guess my mother) so they were gone most of the day. My two sisters and I stayed with her. At about 1:15 am I had to go home because I had young kids at home and my brother in law was waiting there for me while I was with her. As I left I told her "Go bed with God now. I will be fine. I love you". I kissed her and went home. We had no cell phones then. It took me 15 minutes to get home. As I walked in the door my sister was calling and told me that right after I left her breathing was definitely worse and she passed. I KNOW she 'was there for me' as long as she could be. She left when I left the room.
I have always wished I could have been with her when she left this life. But I know now that she stayed there for ME.
Rest assured that mothers are mothers until the end. She was looking out for you, as was God. She is in His arms now. Have peace. You shared a heartwarming story.
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I had lived with my dad and taken care of him for 8 years - the last 4 being the most intense. The day my dad died, I was sitting beside him for hours, holding his hand, wetting his mouth with a washcloth, wiping his brow, anything I could to comfort him. When his breathing went from shallow and regular to what is called Cheyne Stokes (some fast breaths followed by no breaths, back and forth) I looked at the hospice nurse after about an hour and said how long can this go on, She said I'm sorry to say sometimes they are like this for 24 hours. I hadn't made any arrangements with the funeral home before this so my sister and daughter stayed with dad while I went into another room and called the funeral home. I had only been out of the room for about 5 minutes when my sister came to me and said, "I think he's gone. He took one breath and that was it." I went to where he was and the hospice nurse confirmed that he was gone. I do believe my dad waited until I left the room. We had become so close and he knew I was having a hard time facing his death. While I wish I had been there for that last moment, I take more comfort in knowing I had been with him for so many other moments, for so many times that he needed someone and noone else had the "time". I miss him terribly but I know he's in a better place and free from pain and all of his other health issues. I look forward to the day I will see him again and just know he will be there to help me pass from this world into the next. Peace and happy memories to all ~ Kuli
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Oh my goodness. Thank you all so much for your support and kind words and thank you for sharing your stories. After writing on this forum, I shared this with my older sister and she said this to me: "People believe that the dying want to have someone holding their hands or be in the same room with them, when in fact it's the contrary. They want to be alone so there's no material things or anyone holding them back. They don't want to fight to stay when it's time to go. They don't want to leave feeling guilty, so they specifically chose to die alone." I think after she said this to me and reading some of your stories, she's absolutely right and this gives me peace. Today is a good day, I still miss her very much but it's not a "why did you go, why did you leave me" feeling, it is a I'm so glad that you are no longer suffering and are now at peace. I will always miss her and some days worse than others, but today I'm okay. Perhaps reading your posts also helped, so thank you for giving me peace today. God bless you all!
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i imagine dying to be a very personal thing. im sure i wouldnt want people standing around grieving as i was drawing my last breaths.. if the pricks dont come to see me while im living it'd be a farce to have em present at my death..
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Thank you so much for sharing your story, Hispagirl. I had a similar experience with my beloved aunt, who passed away right before Xmas. Like Kuli wrote about, I was with her every minute of the day, in her room at her bedside when she stirred or moaned a bit, moistening her mouth, stroking her head and face, talking quietly in her ear with comforting words, that I would not leave her alone. Then her son would come for the evenings. The day she died, I was with her as usual all day. Hospice said it could be another day or two, who ever knows. When her son arrived that evening, I kissed my aunt goodbye, as I always did. I whispered in her ear that all would be fine. I was gone for an hour when her son called to say she had stopped breathing. I think it is true what others have said about knowing when to go, and knowing who is best equipped maybe to handle it. Her son is a stoic unemotional person. I was a crying wreck, as I loved her so much, and really didn't want to lose her. Even though I told her everything is fine, and we'll be okay, I was struck to the core with grief. I feel at peace as well, and even though as you say, I miss her every day, and think about her everyday, she would never have regained her life back as she knew it, and as she would've wanted it. The suffering is over, and grief remains, but it gets easier as I come to grips more so everyday with what has to be.....and I'm trying to ready myself for what is coming down the road for me as I continue caretaking for my dear mother. I know I must be strong and be prepared. Your story, and many on this site help immensely. Thank you!
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You did great. Thanks so much for sharing this most private moment with us. Our hearts grieve with you for your loss. You were a good and loving daughter and I know that made her happy even when she did not voice it. God bless you and your family and care-givers every where.
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How blessed your mother was to have you there for her through it all. I have seen time and time again with friends, family etc that sometimes loved ones will seem to hang on forever with family crowded around them, and then pass away the instant they are alone. I truly believe that some do it very purposefully. Some prefer to not have family beside them. I drove an hour every Mon. for 5 years to visit my mom, who had a live in caregiver. I would take her places, buy her favorite foods, chat and laugh with her. The week before she died she said she wasn't hungry because her mother had made her a wonderful meal and she ate alongside her parents (mom was 90 and her parents were long gone) and my father (who had died 4 years earlier). She was very calm and peaceful, with a warm glow and smile. As I woke the next Mon. to get ready for my Mon. visit, I got a call from the caregiver that she had passed away during the night, quite peacefully. I truly believe that she knew I would be coming for my visit soon and she didn't want to have me there when she left us. Either she wanted to spare me the pain or she wanted to "share" the moment with her parents and husband. But I do believe it was her own choice, not just coincidence. And being able to make a conscious choice about how your ending in this life will come is a wonderful gift.
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I too just lost my dad I cared for for 3 years. He fell and broke his hip and in less than a month he was gone. I was there when he took his last breath, which to me was very bitter sweet. I keep pictures of him around the house so I can remember him like that, instead of his last day in the hospital. The day before he passed he was very alert and talkative. My Dad and I talked about him going on and I believe he was ready. Ten minutes before he passed, my granddaughter, who has Autism, put her hands on his feet and just stood still for several minutes. After she picked my purse up, brought it to me and took my hand to go. He was gone in less than 5 minutes. His passing was very peaceful. Later that evening, I called a old family friend my Dad used to cowboy with to tell him about my Dad only to find out that he passed the same day. I felt so happy, because my Dad had a true friend with him at the gates and he wasn't alone. God does work in mysterious way. I do believe your mom had a plan as she made her way to the gates. Remember her and her love and it will get easier. She knew you and your son were there for her. She was very blessed. Take care of yourself and your son now, for she is now watching over you. Talk to her when you need to,it will make you feel better, it does me. Take care and bless you!:)
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I'm sending you a tight hug and hope you can feel it. Please know that often a patient will NOT want their dearest ones at their bedside when they pass away. Nurses and other medical staff will verify what I'm saying.
When my sweet mil was dying, the nursing home would call us. Rosie would bounce back for another week or two. This happened again and again. Finally, I asked the nurse, when she called, if the above was true and she confirmed it. I discussed this with my husband and we opted to let her go without us there. The nurse called a half hour later to tell us that she had passed on gently. So you see, you actually did exactly what your mom wanted. God bless you. Hugs and love, Corinne
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