Disgust and lack of respect for so called "family."
Fellow caregivers, we all have heard it countless times. Maybe you should put your loved on in a nursing home. Take care of yourselves. You too deserve a life. Get in-home help. How about assisted living? See a counselor. Ask your family and friends for support. Well let me tell you, this Saturday morning I just need to vent. I am 61 years old and caring in my home for my elderly mother, who is 86 and who is doing pretty well considering all that she has been through. She has a great mind and does her best to regain some strength. We have always been close. From here on out, she will be living with me and my roommate as she will never be able to live on her own. I have one brother. He gets to live his life. My mother constantly makes excuses for his neglect and I am sick of it so I no longer tell her my true feelings and choose to keep my relationship with my mother "superficial." I have a demanding career. I took my mother to her home out of state recently for a weekend visit to add to her quality lf life. I fell down her steps and have a serious injury to my hip. I have been in constant pain the past two weeks and have seen a doctor. I am working despite the discomfort. I have in-home help but have to care fo my mother after work and on weekends. I asked my mother recently when she says she would not want anyone else caring for her trache but me how does she envision my ever being able to go the the beach or NYC as I love going there and have not had a vacation for going on four years. She doesn't have much to say. I don't know how other caregivers feel but I can tell you this much. All of the "advice" that we get is useless. The bottom line is those of us who have "given up our lives" to care for our loved ones are doing so from our heart but let me tell you, it becomes very depressing. I have worked hard all of my life. I have taken my mother (my father is deceased) on wonderful vacations. I have always looked out for her. I bought her a home. I was always there for here. I listened when she would complain about my father and whoever else. My brother has not been a good son. He goes to church and people think he is wonderful. But I am just reflecting on my life and am not happy with whan I see. This is my life until my mother passes. Am I happy that I have no life? No. But I don't want to hear about a nursing home. I have personal experiences where while I am sure there are some "good ones," these are few and far between. The help there, while I am NOT a bias person, seem to 85% come from Africa or Jamica and there is a language barrier. Some are wonderful care-givers. Other are lazy. I have a nursing complaint that I filed during November 2011 and when I call to check on the status, I am told it will be another several months so there is something wrong with our country. This nurse was proven to be a liar by her supervisor after I contacted her supervisor because she claimed to have given my mother, while in a chronic care facility, her medicine. Even though I submitted sound documentation and she ended up admitting her deceit, I am yet to hear from the Board of Nursing! Is this how our country looks out for our senior citizens? So please, I would appreciate some responses from you wonderful care-givers. I don't need to hear about respite (my mom has a trache and there are no respiratory therapists who do inhome visits); I don't need to hear about a nursing home, I don't need to hear about getting my family and friends to help. I am party of one. I accept that. I never thought my life would come to this. I love my mom. I always will. But its a sin and a shame to be expected to give up your life and not be able to take vacations and have some joy. I am angry, I am depressed. If I were to retire, as I am eligible, I would go crazy. I am also dealing with a lot of stress at work and had a leadership survey recently that was very upsetting but I continue to do my best and treat people the way I would like to be treated. Thanks for reading my post.