What kind of a daughter did I raise?

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Sorry - just ranting now... This is what I got from my mother today. A few friends came over to drop things off and to pick up stuff. Went to drop off the jury duty papers at the doctors so that they could sign off on it. Took a side trip to get some special food for her that she likes (I should say liked now). Got home and I was yelled at -- she said, "I don't eat this kind of stuff..." and then she said - "Are you trying to sell me off? You think you can talk to the neighbors and tell them what's going on in here and they will be on your side?" Yep.. and then it came... "What kind of daughter did I raise?" 1. She is so hard of hearing that she could not possibly hear anything that was being said. 2. They aren't neighbors. They are my friends and the nearest one is 7-10 blocks away. 3. Why would I try to sell her? LOL.. ok. I just gotta laugh at that one...

So here's my answer to her - A damned good daughter that has put herself and her own family after you. One that took care of dad, when he had cancer -- changing his catheter, changing his diaper, cleaning his feeding tube and taking him to Reno on my dime to get treatment... and who got burnt out at that time. It wasn't me. I preservered. Then I had to take care of your son. And now you... All of this over an 18 year span, never really having time off for my family or myself. And all of this while taking your criticism and judgement of me.

Is this dementia talking? I hope so because how dare you say something like that to me after all that I have done.

Love, your daughter...


I feel for you! Wish I could say something that would help but at this point I'm assuming
you know how amazing you are and how fortunate your family is to have you in their lives.

Thanks Sue888... I'm ok. Yes, I do... If my mom were capable of understand and be in her right mind - this is what I believe she would tell me - the words to Cher's song - If I could turn back time... not exactly all the same words but you get the gist of it...

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay
I don't know why I did the things I did
I don't know why I said the things I said
Love's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes
I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't want to see you go
I know I made you cry, but baby
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay
If I could reach the stars
I'd give 'em all to you
I don't know why they go on the attack when something doesn't go their way. If I had a dollar for every time I heard, "You want to see me dead?" I would be a rich woman. It is her way of throwing a tantrum if I don't do what she wants right away. There is never any danger to her life. It is just an unsuccessful way to try to control.
Dear earbud,

You are an amazing woman. An extremely loving and dutiful daughter. No one could ask for a better daughter than you. It's so hard. We, women just give and give and its almost unbearable when there is no validation and acknowledgment.

I'm sure most people would have lost patience and given up at this point. I know the anger and resentment was choking me.

You are good person. Hang in there. Thinking of you.
You are too good of a good person. I know that sounds like a contradiction. Take care of yourself.
The real question must be, what would you get for her at the market rate? Now there's a thought... ;)

What kind of daughter did she raise? Oh, mother darling, what kind of question is that. Yes it's the dementia, making her angry and afraid. Hugs to both of you.
Thanks for all of your kind words! LOL.. Countrymouse... You don't want to know what my answer to her was on that question... Of course she couldn't hear me...
My Mom's favorite is "Why don't you just shoot me"? Lol!
My mother (all my life...until I called her on it, on my 30th birthday!!) "well, I guess I'll just kill myself and then you selfish brats will feel sorry for me". My reply "Ok Mom, please don't leave a mess." Shocked silence.

What kind of daughter(s) did she raise? Ones who did complete 180's as mothers. That's who. If you're not setting a good example, you might be serving as a horrible warning. And FYI, keeping kids in line with "terror" is tantamount to child abuse. No, mother never hit me, not where it shows. 25 years and counting of therapy and I will likely never be "well".
Midkid used the perfect response. They want you to beg them not to say such a thing. My grandmother's famous line was "Well I'll just take poison!". I always responded with OK. They certainly can't argue with you for agreeing with them.

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