Just need to vent.

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I take care of my 95 yr old grandma. She was put in the hospital with diverticulitis two yrs ago. They thought she wasn't going to make it. She got better and needed to do physical therapy to get her strength back in her legs. She was in the hospital for a month. My aunt(her daughter) wanted her to go to a nursing home. She didn't need a nursing home. She was still doing great on her own. My aunt has always resented my grandma. There is a long history between them. My aunt will go and not speak to her at all for years at a time. This was before I was born. There seems to be mental health issues for both. So my grandma and aunt were fighting about her not going to a nursing home.

I thought I would help and offer her to come to my home for the time she needed to do her therapy. I had hoped it would stop their fighting. We asked my aunt first and she said it was fine to offer. My grandma accepted. We made plans with aunt to go to grandmas and get her things that we would need for her. While at her house she started telling me not to worry about grandmas funeral she had enough life insurance to pay for it. I told her that wasn't even an issue grandma was better and coming home. She gave me the checkbook and left us to lock up. Grandma was released and came to our house.

in the meantime grandma needed to cash her check and get her meds and some other personal items she needed. We took her to the bank and they wouldn't cash her check since she dint have a drivers license. They said my aunt would have to come and do it since she was on the account. So we called and asked if she could come and take care of it. She had a huge fit and came and removed herself from the account. Now mind you my grandma has macular degeneration and has trouble signing her name sometimes. She needs someone to help fill out bills. So I was added to the account to handle that.

My aunt made a big scene and made me look terrible like I was trying to take all of her money (which there isn't much) After all was done my aunt came up and handed my grandma her money. She had already cashed the check. The drama could have been avoided if she would have just gave back the money to begin with. She also took all of grandmas important papers, deeds, cemetery info, etc. and did not return any of it.

My grandma did her few weeks of therapy and was able to go back home. We didn't hear anything from my aunt. My grandma sent her a birthday card and it was returned to sender. She tried calling but never an answer. In the mean time my grandma tells me that she wants me to be POA since my aunt wasn't coming around or answering calls. We took her to the lawyer and they made the changes. I sat in the waiting room so my aunt couldn't say I was behind anything. My grandma still has a very sharp mind. She knows exactly what was going on. They put me in charge of handling the will and all of the funeral arrangements, etc.

We have been doing everything for grandma. Cooking, laundry, cleaning, appts, grocery shopping, etc We handle everything that needs done. They are putting sewage in at my grandmas and she has to tap into the system. She had her money saved for this project but my aunt had it. So we had the attorney send her a letter asking for her to return my grandma's items. She ignored the letter. The attorney said to send her the bill since her name was on the deed and she had the money. She called me screaming that she wasn't paying it and she would get an attorney to protect herself. i tried talking with her and asking how she could just abandon her mother but if fell of deaf ears. She said my grandma choose a stranger over her. Now I am her granddaughter. I am no stranger. She was referring to my husband. Said he made me offer grandma to come to our place and I didn't want to have her. Which is untrue. It was my idea from the start. I wanted to help and stop them from fighting.

A month went by and we didn't hear anything else from her. One day our attorney calls and says he has all of the items and my aunt removed herself from the deed. She has no intentions of ever talking to my grandma again.

When she called yelling she said she did this to give my grandma peace in her final years. I asked how she thought that was possible when her daughter was not talking to her. She went on about how religious she was. I asked about turning the other cheek and honoring her parents but it was useless.

Grandma has always been anxious and paranoid. Now it is getting worse. She claims she sees people in her house with her at night. We have went over many times and there is never nothing there. She has an issue with thinking there are mice. We have traps set everywhere and no mice. She doesn't want to leave her house and screams anytime it's mentioned she come to our place. We can't stay there. She won't let anyone come in if we hired someone.

It's been very frustrating and mentally draining lately. I try to do the best that I can and make her happy.


Thanks for letting me vent. It helps when others are dealing with the same things. My brother and his family live 15 mins away and never go over to grandmas but once a year at xmas.My other sisters are out of state. My aunt's daughter acts like her mother and refuses to talk to my grandma. I reached out to her but nothing. I don't know how family can just disown each other. We have no one to help so sometimes it seems overwhelming. I have fibromyalgia and stress is no good but it seems my life is always stress. Thanks again for listening.
That's what we are here for. You are a blessing to your Grandma and I think you are a wonderful young woman. Is your mom or dad, her child, still alive? I don't know if it's ALL families, but in most caregiver situations there is lots of family turmoil. Keep venting, and if you have specific questions, there are MANY smart cookies here to help you. GOD BLESS!
My dad(her son) passed away when I was 12. Her daughter is the one who disowned her. There were only the two children. Her husband died when my dad was young. So it's me and my hubby. Some days I want to pull my hair out, but I know I am the only one she has so gotta keep on keepin on.
Heather, the sudden appearance of mice and other things in her home make me wonder if she might have a urinary tract infection (UTI). These are common in older people because they often can't empty their bladder completely. Also they can get a little careless with wiping after they use the bathroom (Number 2). See if you can get her to a doctor to check. Elders often have psychotic symptoms when they have a UTI. If she won't go to a doctor, you can buy a home test kit at places like Kmart. You can find the kits in the section that sells treatment for things like yeast infections. The AZO UTI kits are not totally accurate, but if she tests positive, it will give you a good idea that she needs treatment right away. If you use a kit, make sure to follow the instructions exactly or you can get a false positive.

They said that getting old is not for sissies. Caregiving isn't, either! You have been walking a rocky road that I hope gets smoother for you. If you have a chance, read about borderline personality disorder (BPD) online. It may not be applicable, but some of the things you said about your aunt made me think about BPD.

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