Just checking in folks: And Happy New Year!

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Its been a while since I have been on this site. Since the last time my mom has been in the hospital a few times with bladder infections, weakness, and a high white blood count and a stage 4 pressure ulcer and general issues and she is a trooper I must say. I was talking to a family member about my mom who does not live in our state! about I need some respite and they advised me that I should stick it out because she is close to the end and I might regret taking any time for me! which I need to address my own health issues! HOW DARE THEY SAY THAT TO ME. I am the only one who wears all the hats in this house I have a few friends and neighbors that offer but you know how that can be. My mom is 96 years and has dementia hearing aids uses a walker ostomy bag and she is tired but only the lord can call her home she is trying to not walk much and that is going to be a problem for me we have a wheelchair since her last hospital stay but its a loaner have to return bu the months end. She does not want to do much but sleep late in the day she is eating and taking her meds.. She scares me sometimes because it just might be closer to the end but I need to get me some respite I am tired burnout and need this for me. Should I continue to set up my respite for next month or what there are issues on how to get her to the place and return home since we iive in a apt bldg and there is no elevator yes thats right no elevator. What to do I just found a real doctor who came to seemy mom this week thats what they do see people who cant get to the clinic and it went well I will have to get more info for me setting up my respite she is going to modify my moms meds thinks she is taking to many of the same thing in low doses. This should be good for her why do the doctors but you on something that you might not need she is to old for this.I came on her to vent nobody wants to hear your issues including my son who NEVER calls to see how we are only if he needs some thing from us which I have learned to say no so .....i am trying to be postive about everything will be ok but sometimes well i get depressed and just want to run away and see if anybody misses me. I love my mom very much other wise I would of not done this since 2002 but what about me. to be continued peace to all of you and if your answer my post be kind and excuse any typos I have made. God bless you all.


Hi, purplerain. I think you should go ahead and go on respite. Something may happen while you are gone, but you can't put off things that will keep you healthy and sane by considering the what-ifs. You have been at this for a long time and you do need a break. Go for it! I hope nothing happens when you're gone, but know sometimes these things are out of our hands. We have to keep living and breathing, even when our loved ones are frail.
Thank you for answering my post.
Oh Purplerain, How dare someone tell you not to take some time?!?! When we have loved ones over 90, every day is a gift, but also fraught with possibilities that will bring the end closer. You can't predict that and you can't stop living, waiting for the end.

When our mom had a stroke and broke her hip last year, we were sure the end was near. But after a couple of weeks of her being in the nh, we all realized that it just wasn't possible to live in "this might be it" mode all the time.

We went back to going away for a couple of days here and there and we each too real vacations this summer. Yes, Mom might have died while we were gone, but that's the way life is.

I realize that my situation is in no way comparable to yours (I'm not doing hands on caregiving); if I need breaks, how much more do you!!! Go! Glad you found a new doc!
Absolutely, take your respite time off. And don't ever apologize for it. Wven if something "happens" when you're on respite, your don't ever apologize. You need your "you" time and even God knows this, so if anybody try to guilt trip you, just remember "I'm learning more about you all the time " you can say that out loud or you can think it, but anyone who would suggest you dont need time off hasn't a clue.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

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