Just a vent.

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I feel like my mother would take the very air I breathe into my lungs for her own if she could. Every moment I'm awake and not at my parttime job, she is wanting me to do something, get something, share something. I feel like I'm going insane living with her even though it's supposed to be temporary. The short background is she has very early dementia, has been living independently and mostly refusing to hire help or admit she needs it. Through a financial disaster of my own I am living with her till I get back on my feet, which looks like it may happen soon but I find it hard to focus on work while living here. I haven't slept normally since I moved in - can't even shut the doors here, they physically won't shut. Even after I move out, the reality is setting in how much extra help she needs - how can I just walk away and rebuild my life? Yet I don't know how to rebuild staying here in this small town with her pushing whatever boundaries I set all the time to get her needs, real and imagined, met. And the guilt, the guilt I feel at even typing this as i sit here in her home is terrible.

I had already looked into what services are available in her town and she has to be a little worse off to qualify. I did get her evaluated once. Also most is available for those on Medicaid and she has just a little bit too much money, but not enough to easily afford help. She refuses to consider spending money when she should - still thinks about trying to save. Reverse mortgage, no way. I've got DPOA but only in case of incompetency. And I'm an only child. Even back when I was doing better, I still felt like the weight of the world was already crushing me down - now I can't see the light.


Sorry to hear that. Keep us posted.
Curtain, do you have health insurance? If not, can you find a low cost doctor? you very much sound as though you are very depressed. you might benefit, in the short term, from some antidepressants. I know, I know, I'm always touting the benefits of antidepressant drugs (which I'm not currently on) but they've save my life and my sanity twice. Keep telling us how it's going; I think it helps to vent, as well.
Sounds awful and I am so sorry you are feeling as though you can't move ahead with your own life. I truly hope you don't let your Mom's demands and situation keep you from getting back on your feet. I'm with Babalou, perhaps your doctor can help.
I agree, it is time for you to look into help for you. Just venting about it is not enough, but that is up to you.
Curtain, I sympathize so much. It is always just one more thing until there is nothing left of the day. It can get very discouraging. There will probably never be enough you can do to help. There will always be one more thing. Since your mother is in early stages, it may be the best time to see about getting out. I hope you are able to accomplish that soon.

I do have a solution for your closing door problem. You can buy one of the door jams -- it is a rod with one end that fits around the knob. The other end has a foot that braces on the floor. The nice thing about these jams is they keep the door locked from any intruders if you want to be alone. Even simpler would be the rubber door stops that fit under the door. Those will keep it closed. We all need our privacy.

I am sorry to read of the not sleeping well. I go through periods where I don't sleep well, either. Many time it is because of anger and resentments I'm feeling. I find when I'm able to let them go that I sleep better.

Maybe this was good in a way. It gave you a place to fall after the financial disaster. It may not have been a soft place, but it was something to tide you over while you found your feet. I hope soon you'll be able to take care of your mother from a greater distance. Your idea of hiring help to come in sounds like a good one. Good thoughts coming your way. Some days are rough, so vent away.
Thank you everyone! I'm on my phone so can't write much but it means so much to share and be understood. I'll take something to help me sleep tonight instead of trying to tough it out.
Feeling calmer today though still feeling very frustrated and trapped. Some days I feel like I'm okay and will get through this. That actually living with my mother will help me to understand her needs and situation better than I ever could have from a distance....even if I regain that distance shortly. Other times I feel like my mind is just going to crack in half and that there's just nothing left in me to give to a job or even to my own wellness. Thank you all so much for being here and your caring.
hang in there. hopefully you will find something good soon and be able to get your own place.
What about getting her involved at the senior center or some other activity to keep her busy? Also, check out your local Office of the Aging who can help you find out what she is eligible for in regards to programs.

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