Just a vent.
I feel like my mother would take the very air I breathe into my lungs for her own if she could. Every moment I'm awake and not at my parttime job, she is wanting me to do something, get something, share something. I feel like I'm going insane living with her even though it's supposed to be temporary. The short background is she has very early dementia, has been living independently and mostly refusing to hire help or admit she needs it. Through a financial disaster of my own I am living with her till I get back on my feet, which looks like it may happen soon but I find it hard to focus on work while living here. I haven't slept normally since I moved in - can't even shut the doors here, they physically won't shut. Even after I move out, the reality is setting in how much extra help she needs - how can I just walk away and rebuild my life? Yet I don't know how to rebuild staying here in this small town with her pushing whatever boundaries I set all the time to get her needs, real and imagined, met. And the guilt, the guilt I feel at even typing this as i sit here in her home is terrible.
I had already looked into what services are available in her town and she has to be a little worse off to qualify. I did get her evaluated once. Also most is available for those on Medicaid and she has just a little bit too much money, but not enough to easily afford help. She refuses to consider spending money when she should - still thinks about trying to save. Reverse mortgage, no way. I've got DPOA but only in case of incompetency. And I'm an only child. Even back when I was doing better, I still felt like the weight of the world was already crushing me down - now I can't see the light.