Judgment is gone.

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My husband (62) was diagnosed over a year ago with Alzheimers. He ran up a credit card so high I had to take money out of his 401K to pay it off (I didn't know he had this card until I took over paying the bills). I took all the credit cards and check books (he had his mother's too). He keeps signing up for things and has people calling or coming to the house ie. sleep number bed, windows, etc. He is home and I am at work so he gets the mail and reads all the junk mail and calls these people. Now he has started spitting, he spits in the sink and toilet but has just started to spit on the floor and see nothing wrong with that. My 98 year old mother also lives with us; she takes care of herself and does some cleaning and wash. I also have POA for my mother-in-law who is in a nursing home and is not able to do anything for herself because of a stroke she had 3 years ago. We visit her every Sunday; I drive because my husband can no longer drive. His personality has completely changed. He does go to Day Care 6 times a month because that is all I can afford; can't get any financial aid because with my pay we earn too much; they don't take into consideration that we have bills to pay. Just venting. Thanks for listening.

19 Comments

You have too much on your plate. Have a long talk with your husband's MD about the personality changes and when it is time to place him in memory care. If he says now is the time, go see a lawyer and get it done.
I am so sorry. But you are right. Judgement is gone. Time to step up to the plate and take over. I agree with Pam. Start getting help now.

I send you a big hug. Please keep in touch with us. You are so young to have all this happening. I will keep you in my prayers.
As an alternative to memory care, which can wipe you out financially, see if there are any group homes in your area. A friend's husband developed dementia at an early age and had similar problems while she was at work. One year in a memory depleted their savings. She found a group home at half the cost where he was much happier. The home had 6 residents and two caretakers.
Possibly you can have the mail delivered to a neighbor or to your work. Of course you would need permission from them. I have been through that, my husband charging large amount of monies to a scam artist. Good luck with the phone
I mean caregivers!!
You are handling to much my dear. Before you crack here are a few suggestions. Get a PO box all mail goes there, one problem solved. Call the credit agencies and have an alert put on your accounts. Make it known that you must approve any new credit applications. This may help with some of the issues. I do wish you the best and hope you can get more help to keep u going. Vent anytime!
((hugs)) You do have too much on ur plate. TG Mom can still do for herself. Are there siblings that can take over MIL? If so, tell them u no longer can handle he. Do you need all the credit cards? If not, pasy them off and close the accounts. Thn get yourself a Master Card with only you on the account. Hide the checkbook, get a small safe.
Was your husband in the service during a war or conflict. If so, the VA has a pension you can get to cover caretaking. It may cover daycare.
Oh my gosh--this is so hard on you! I hope you can check with a local disability action center if one is near you. My prayers are with you. Somehow you must take care of yourself by letting/finding others to help you. Glad you wrote in and hope you keep us updated.
For the junk mail...if a prepaid envelope is enclosed, send everything they sent backin it. Circle the name and address and request they take his name off of the mailing list. If they don't provide on, go on-line and send them an email including the address exactly how it looks on th envelope. If ur getting several mailings with th address and name slightly different then list them too. Don't sign up for any magazines, etc. They sell their mailing list. Do u have a cell phone. I just read where u can forward your home phone to your cell. This way all calls will come to you while at work.

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