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My husband (62) was diagnosed over a year ago with Alzheimers. He ran up a credit card so high I had to take money out of his 401K to pay it off (I didn't know he had this card until I took over paying the bills). I took all the credit cards and check books (he had his mother's too). He keeps signing up for things and has people calling or coming to the house ie. sleep number bed, windows, etc. He is home and I am at work so he gets the mail and reads all the junk mail and calls these people. Now he has started spitting, he spits in the sink and toilet but has just started to spit on the floor and see nothing wrong with that. My 98 year old mother also lives with us; she takes care of herself and does some cleaning and wash. I also have POA for my mother-in-law who is in a nursing home and is not able to do anything for herself because of a stroke she had 3 years ago. We visit her every Sunday; I drive because my husband can no longer drive. His personality has completely changed. He does go to Day Care 6 times a month because that is all I can afford; can't get any financial aid because with my pay we earn too much; they don't take into consideration that we have bills to pay. Just venting. Thanks for listening.

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I am glad you caught it in time. That is the same problem I have had. I talked him into cancelling his credit card but he had two things on his mother's card that recurred every month; they would not let me cancel them, he had to do it. I think I finally got him to do it; I will know when we get the new bill. I had my name put on is checking account so now I can write checks and he doesn't have to have anything to do with it. I also have my name on my mother's checking account.
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My husband has Parkinson's and is beginning to suffer from some dementia. He opened a new Visa card at our bank and was charging lunches to it. I wasn't aware of this card. And several weeks ago, I got a dunning call from the bank. They wouldn't talk to me, which I thought was strange. I called our local bank, and I found out that he had obtained the card and I was not a co-owner! I paid the card off. I now have to go to the bank, get on as a co-owner, and cancel it. He is home bound right now and hasn't learned how to get online. So I think I stopped the bleeding for now.
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Thank you all. Fortunately I do have some help with doctor appointments. My younger daughter drives 2 hours to take my husband to doctor appointments. His son sometimes will take him but has cancelled many times at the last minute; he only lives about 30 min away. My cousin takes my mom to the doctor. My older daughter and her boyfriend take care of the lawn. I could not do it all by myself. I really want to sell the house but that will have to wait a little while since I have so much to get rid of and I am in the process of trying to get my mother-in-law moved to a facility closer. I appreciate all of your support, it helps.
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You poor dear. I am SO sorry for your troubles. This is way too much for you to handle alone. I had written rather a long response of suggestions and simply because I wanted to flip back to re-read your post, my answer disappeared. I really am unhappy that the website hasn't fixed that. I try to remember to type my responses in a Word document and then copy/paste into this box but sometimes I forget, particularly when I read such a heart-felt posting as yours.

Please don't dispair -- but also seek help everywhere and anywhere; this is way too much for you to handle! It's quite late now and I really regret that I don't have the energy to re-type now but will try to do it in the morning. In the meantime, I am going to pray especially hard for you tonight, Oliver2616, and for all the people that you love and you are trying so hard to care for. Angels watch over you! PLEASE stay with us on this thread as I and others will be wanting to help you with any advice and assistance we can! Let us know you are reading! Hugs, Lolli
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Contact area on AGING in your county and have a social worker come visit and see what they can suggest,
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First off, hugs to you for all that you do. Just reading this made me tired for you.

I have all the house calls come to my cell phone now, to keep my mother from interacting with scammers. She can call out, but no incoming calls. She has a cell phone that her few friends can call her on if they need to talk with her. She does not even know the number on the cell phone.

Luckily mom has stopped all the mail order stuff, for a while it was like Christmas every day, and she would order the same stuff over and over. Some day it is going to be one heck of a tag sale at my house.

Wishing you all the best in finding a solution for this.
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get a PO box. As for respite care for you, is he a veteran? i know it takes a while to get thru their system but there may be a benefit there. What about hospice? My mom has Alzheimers and she qualified for a nurses aide 1 hour a day 5 days a week.You are under a lot of pressure..I hope you have in laws or siblings who can take over some of you responsibilities. Take care of yourself ( I know that is easy to say and hard to do!) If you don't you won't be able to care for anyone...
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My father has spit all his life so be glad he's only just started.
Regarding the mail, can you get a locking mail box that only you have the key to? Mail can go in but not come out. My father answers the phone and cancels appointments. Luckily, he's no longer capable (poor vision and frankly not smart enough anymore) so he doesn't sign up for stuff but he told me I should do PCH when, years ago, he always told me it was a scam.
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Just a couple of suggestions - Have your mail sent to a P.O. Box (if he is opening junk mail - he may open and throw away a bill, bank statement, etc.).

Most phones have a mute button for the ringer. If he can't hear it ring - he won't answer it. (If not just unplug from wall - he won't notice if base unit is still attached).

Keep eye on him and question your Mom as to his behavior while you are out - you don't want him hurting her.
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For the junk mail...if a prepaid envelope is enclosed, send everything they sent backin it. Circle the name and address and request they take his name off of the mailing list. If they don't provide on, go on-line and send them an email including the address exactly how it looks on th envelope. If ur getting several mailings with th address and name slightly different then list them too. Don't sign up for any magazines, etc. They sell their mailing list. Do u have a cell phone. I just read where u can forward your home phone to your cell. This way all calls will come to you while at work.
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Oh my gosh--this is so hard on you! I hope you can check with a local disability action center if one is near you. My prayers are with you. Somehow you must take care of yourself by letting/finding others to help you. Glad you wrote in and hope you keep us updated.
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Was your husband in the service during a war or conflict. If so, the VA has a pension you can get to cover caretaking. It may cover daycare.
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((hugs)) You do have too much on ur plate. TG Mom can still do for herself. Are there siblings that can take over MIL? If so, tell them u no longer can handle he. Do you need all the credit cards? If not, pasy them off and close the accounts. Thn get yourself a Master Card with only you on the account. Hide the checkbook, get a small safe.
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You are handling to much my dear. Before you crack here are a few suggestions. Get a PO box all mail goes there, one problem solved. Call the credit agencies and have an alert put on your accounts. Make it known that you must approve any new credit applications. This may help with some of the issues. I do wish you the best and hope you can get more help to keep u going. Vent anytime!
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I mean caregivers!!
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Possibly you can have the mail delivered to a neighbor or to your work. Of course you would need permission from them. I have been through that, my husband charging large amount of monies to a scam artist. Good luck with the phone
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As an alternative to memory care, which can wipe you out financially, see if there are any group homes in your area. A friend's husband developed dementia at an early age and had similar problems while she was at work. One year in a memory depleted their savings. She found a group home at half the cost where he was much happier. The home had 6 residents and two caretakers.
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I am so sorry. But you are right. Judgement is gone. Time to step up to the plate and take over. I agree with Pam. Start getting help now.

I send you a big hug. Please keep in touch with us. You are so young to have all this happening. I will keep you in my prayers.
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You have too much on your plate. Have a long talk with your husband's MD about the personality changes and when it is time to place him in memory care. If he says now is the time, go see a lawyer and get it done.
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