It's not a relief watching her die. It's peaceful. Anyone else felt that way?
My 90-year old bedridden grandmother has been declining rapidly over the last few weeks, as some of you know (not my first post). Since I've been living with her for the past 6 years, I noticed her slow decline over the years, when she first started losing her balance and falling, when she no longer would leave the house even to get her pension... In a way, I've had 6 years to accept the idea that she is mortal. Now that she broke her hip, became bedridden, lost the little will to live that she had, and stopped eating and drinking, I see the changes happen every week, almost daily. I don't feel relief watching her waste away sleeping with her eyes half-open. I might feel that later, when she's gone. For now, I just feel the kind of calm and peace one does when one's made a decision. I like standing close to her, watching her breathe irregularly. I enjoy just being there for her in case she wakes up and needs something. All of the pills are more or less useless now, so I can spare her the discomfort. I have put my life on hold for real now, and I no longer feel pressured into doing it, because I know it won't be long before I have it all to myself again. Did any of you feel the same way during the last days/weeks?