You know, it's funny she wouldn't help.
My parents and I go once a week for a few hours to my grandmother's house. Mainly to check up on her, help out with some errands and to ease her self imposed isolation with people to talk to. Yesterday, we stopped by and took her out to lunch and in the middle of lunch she informed me that in the next couple months she expects me to transfer from the place of work where I currently am to a store closer to her. The reason that she wants me to live with her. I would be taking care of her laundry, the cooking and cleaning, coordinating her doctors appointments and some "social" stuff. I was floored. I get the fact that she was happy to be out of the house and having a good time but to tell me that I have to give up my life as it is to be her maid and social secretary. She does have mobility problems and is going to get her cataracts dealt with when the weather gets and stays warm but I can't do it, once a week for a few hours is enough for me. I look her in the eye and said, "You couldn't be bothered to help my aunts with your own mother and now you expect me to wipe your butt?" and continued eating. My parents didn't know what to do or say right at that moment. But as my parents and I were on our way home, they asked me why I won't. My response was I wasn't going to let an 88 year old woman who literally stinks take over my life where she was too busy drinking and partying when both of my aunts (one who was very disabled with RA) were trying to take care of my great grandmother. She was pretty much that way until 5 years ago when she almost went into renal faluire due to being dehydrated because of the flu.