We talk about our narcissistic parents here so my ramblings are right at home.
Just because your narcissistic parent has passed, don't think you've escaped completely. You haven't...and you won't.
Since my mom passed away Dec 20th of last year things have certainly been more peaceful. Yes, indeed. Since my mom passed there are a lot of things I'm very grateful for. My mom's death is one of them.
That sounds worse than it is. I don't say that with malice or spite. She was at the end of Alz and it was hell on her and hell on me as well. It wasn't pretty. There really are some things worse than death, Alz being high on that list..
My mom's loudest message to me was YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH, NOTHING YOU DO IS GOOD ENOUGH. Over and over again. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get that mess out of my head.
What kid has defenses against a narcissist? My mom didn't just wake up one morning and suddenly became a narcissist. That crap was probably going on long before I was even born. I can't even begin to describe the type of smothering my mom did. When it came to me she was OC. I couldn't do a damn thing, not even homework, without her being right there on top of me. Micromanage seems tame in comparison. Even as a kid I'd tell her flat out, 'I want to do it myself...' but....no. That wasn't allowed. My mom took over every home work paper and project from the time I was in elementary school. I hated it. Even then, so young, I realized that something was seriously off with her behavior. I had no words for mental illnesses then, I just scented danger like prey senses predator. Even so young I felt squirmy around my mom, uncomfortable and constantly on edge. Anyone having grown up with a narcissist knows what I mean. You don't have time to be a kid when you're trapped with a narcissistic parent. You're too busy trying to survive them.
With my mom I never knew what the day would bring. Hell, hour to hour I didn't know when the next ax would fall and I'd have to deal with an out of control, rabid animal. That's pretty much how I perceived my mom as a kid. It's sad as hell. And it was scary as hell. The two overriding emotions I associated with my mom my whole life were fear and anger.
Even when your parents battle is over, yours isn't.
Thanks to this site where I can some and talk about these things.