I am having issues with our finances and my mom's finances intermingling more than I wanted.

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I know this it not a new subject here as I have read some past posts but they were fairly older posts so wanted some fresh thoughts. My elderly mother lives with us and has so now for over two years,due to Alzheimers and other health issues. A couple of months ( literally) before she came to live with us I was working full time and was backing off to part time to help her more but wound up quitting abruptly due to mom's issues weighing heavy on me with the job. I have taken care of her full time through falls, hip surgery, rehab and all. All of it and her living with us has taken a tole on our finances and emotionally. I still have two teens in the home( two grown and married two at home). It seems our finances have intermingled more than I wanted them to do so but has had to happen since I am not working outside the home. I feel guilty as didn't want to use any of moms money but we used most of our own in just remodeling part of our home into a small mother-in-law suite for her and now hurting. I have read that the caregivers own family comes first before the elderly parent and I am trying to balance it all as I am sure most of you all have had to do. So why do I feel so guilty for all of it? Is this normal to have to fight it off? It seems there will still be moms bills to pay off for the next few years due to all of it. Is there and financial advice I need as I have already talked to a CPA and did't get much out of that I didn't already know like paying off the cc with the highest interest rate etc...... any advice welcome


Please try to not feel guilty. Nothing to be guilty about. Look at all you have done for your mom and the sacrifices you have made. You are all living together in every sense of the word and even remodeled your home to include a mother-in-law suite. The only problem you might have is if mom ever has to go into a facility and you have to apply for medicaid.

Might be good idea to have a consultation with an attorney specializing in elder care. I went to see a lawyer just one time and the first consultation was free. He can advise you on so many levels and I think most don't charge for first consultation. So, maybe look into it. Medicaid has strict guidelines and these lawyers are specialists at it with a lot of experience. Take care
Does your mom have any income at all? If so you should be paid for being a caregiver. Is she on medicaid or will she be in the future? Do you have POA? Sorry for all the questions, but I want to help!
My mom draws my deceased dad's social security ( which isn't much) and his retirement ( again not a great deal but more than ss) and all that goes to pay her bills ( cc, house insurance, taxes, meds). There is very little left over each month and usually I spend it on foods that she likes to eat but like I said it gets mingled with our food bills as I go make a grocery run one week on our dime and maybe a run next time on hers as I am picking up more things that she wants to eat etc.....Yes I have POA and that has been scarry as well dealing with people as some understand it and others don't while others have to send it through their lawyers to see if it is legal before acting on anything. Right now I am dealing with the city her house is in due to a code compliance issue of all things which was taken care of but the code officer disagreed and issued a citation

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